How Bill W. refuted that 'A.A. is a SELFISH program.'
.... Another correspondent complained directly that he had been "disturbed to hear some A.A. speakers say, 'A.A. is a selfish program.'" The co-founder's response was eventually published in "The A.A. Way of Life":
I can see why you are disturbed.... The word "selfish" ordinarily implies that one is acquisitive, demanding, and thoughtless of the welfare of others. Of course, the A.A. way of life does not at all imply such undesirable traits.
What do these speakers mean? Well, any theologian will tell you that the salvation of his own soul is the highest vocation that a man can have. Without salvation - however we may define this - he will have little or nothing. For us in A.A. there is even more urgency.
If we cannot or will not achieve sobriety, then we become truly lost, right in the here and now. We are of no value to anyone, including ourselves, until we find salvation from alcohol. Therefore, our own recovery and spiritual growth have to come first - a right and necessary kind of self-concern.
From "Not-God, A History of Alcoholics Anonymous", pp. 243-244, by Ernest Kurtz.
Sobriety is the number one priority in my life. Nothing can come before that...not my kids, husband, job, etc. I must be diligent about keeping sobriety my ultimate goal, for without that I die. Is that selfish?
I prefer to look at it as being self-less, for by keeping sobriety #1 I am able to help others, not only in AA but on the outside also. I have changed since getting sober. I see myself thinking of others feelings and needs, putting those before my own. I have become a woman of integrity and dignity. I respect others as I never did before. I realize that I am not the center of everything that arises, but can share my experience with those that walk along the same path as I for awhile.
What a paradox...by being "selfish" we give to others.
How Bill W. refuted that 'A.A. is a SELFISH program.' .... Another correspondent complained directly that he had been "disturbed to hear some A.A. speakers say, 'A.A. is a selfish program.'"
To those that understand, no explanation required, to those that do not understand, no explanation possible.
I have been told that if I learn to listen with my heart and not my ears that I will hear what people are *really* saying.
The evidence of the senses is based on a database of judgements.
If in recovery we consider others more important than ourselves, we will ignore our own needs and end up drunk.
You are the most important person in the world. Not even the Queen of England should be considered more important to you than you. If we still have no or low self-esteem, we will think that others are more important than ourselves.
If I don't put my sobriety first then I am of no good to anyone else. I become unresonable, miseriable, self-centered, it is not a pretty site. I am a better person when I work my program. Call it selfish, I call it follow God's will for my life.
