Been a rough weekend for me. I'm terrified that my obsession with alcohol/alcoholism is going to hurt my marriage. I'm so very lucky to be married to an incredible man... one whom I'm not so sure I even deserve. The progression of my depression and subsequent alcohol issues has turned made me rather unproductive and needy over the past two years or so. I don't want to be a "taker" all of the time and that's what I feel like I am. Anyway, my husband isn't too excited about me being on the computer too much (neither am I). So... I've decided to do 2-3 IRL (in real life) meetings per week and visit here less often. We'll see how it goes... Went to a meeting last night and found it fruitful. Hitting my all women's meeting today, too, then will find something on Thursday or so. Started up my yoga practice again this morning and will be more vigilant about take my antidepressant (which I've skipped the past several days). Not sure why I'm posting this 'cept I would love to hear how you all have handled being in AA with a sober spouse. He's understanding, also comes from an alcoholic family, but simply doesn't get it (which I'm glad... who wants to get this shit?). He's my best friend in the world... I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to f*ck things up. Hating myself for all of this right now, but I know I have to get past that if I'm going to let him love me...
Hey Runnergirl! we'll leave the light on.Decision sounds well grounded,'Do the work,enjoy the miracle"...Make sure you do this "for you" everything else will follow...I wish your peace and strength..........
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
RG - Taking recovery to more IRL meetings is good. This site is a refuge when you want to feel connected to other alcoholics at any time. That is what I use/used this site for. We are all here for you and things will fall into place. I see it happening. If surrendering was easy, we wouldn't stay in AA and wouldn't need it. Things will go up from here. Pray on it and then take the actions you stated. Do whatever you need to do to stay sober and just make that priority number 1.
Love,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hellos RG, I have a sober spouse (16 years ). Of course it helps to be sober. What I don't understand, about your situation. You are very afraid of losing your husband and more, Very unhappy about your drinking, afraid of your drinking, yet you won't fully commit to your recovery? 2-3 meetings a week and some yoga isn't going to get it done. You've heard us talk about 90 meetings in 90 days, getting a sponsor, working the steps, but you don't appear to be moving in that direction. On one hand you know that you're sick and complaining bitterly about it, but you must think that you're not so sick that you need to do what the rest of us did to get sober. This is the easier softer way. Her take a look at chapter 5 "How it works" with special consideration on the "half measures availed us nothing." I don't mean to be a hard @$$, just trying to save you some time here. I screwed around with this program and didn't take it seriously for 2 years and lost a marriage. And I did just about what you're doing. Your need to commit to your recovery and make it your number 1 priority or it isn't going to happen.
Chapter 5 How It Works
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. Thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a)
That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b)
That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c)
That God could and would if He were sought.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 1st of February 2010 10:16:22 AM
One thing my sponsor said to me in the beginning has stuck with me and it struck a chord when reading your post. Everything you put before your sobriety, you will lose. I found this so hard in the beginning but now I understand it and the more I engage with the programme, the more I feel that. In the beginning, I was hesitant about sharing my recovery and AA membership with my family. Then I simply did not care. I now bring up my drinking problem on regular basis as they suffered a lot because of it and I need to change. I know you are anxious to make amends and give time back but you need to take care of yourself. This is a killer disease.
RG, Wishing you well. I second what Dean and Newcomer state above. This diesase is serious and sobriety and happiness can only be had by making it your number 1 priority. I tried the softer easier way for 3 years and I was lucky to make it back here.
"I am afraid..." Those are the words that most affect this alcoholic. I have come to understand that most all of the things I have done as a result of that condition resulted in losses. Being in, staying in, and working the program inspite of any other obstacle to it is what saved my life and from that I might suggest that you suggest to your husband the Al-Anon Family Groups so that he can hear from others who also are in his perception.
The feedback here is beyond price. To any alcoholic willing to get and stay sober at any cost rather than to loose it all the suggestions, feedback and experience, strength and hope from another recovering fellow is God sent...For me it came from no other source for which I am fully grateful.
My husband is proud of me being sober. Whatever I need to do to accomplish this is okay by him. he doesn't stand in the way of me wanting to do anything really.
Im in agreement with StPeteDean ... especially with you being early in sobriety ... meetings, more meetings, the book, a sponsor , a God , the steps. These things are what will help keep you sober.
This is the easier softer way. Her take a look at chapter 5 "How it works" with special consideration on the "half measures availed us nothing." I don't mean to be a hard @$$, just trying to save you some time here. I screwed around with this program and didn't take it seriously for 2 years and lost a marriage. And I did just about what you're doing. Your need to commit to your recovery and make it your number 1 priority or it isn't going to happen.