I took my boyfreind to a meeting today.,...he was really nervous!! But he said as long as I stayed close to him he thought he'd be ok...He was asked to share ( and before going to the meeting he said he was going to give a fake name...) but he said he real name and that he's an alcoholic...i'm very proud of him!! then he said he just wanted to listen. He asked me after the meeting how long he could keep going to meetings without sharing...As long as you keep listening, and keep the desire to stop drinking...thats what matters. He did have a couple of beers today. But I know that he heard some things today that have him thinking..So I'm happy with that.
My youngest daughter really wants to move home with me...i cried yesterday. I really find it hard to believe some days that so many gifts have been put in my life, gifts that are being returned. Some days I feel like I don't deserve it, or that in the blink of an eye it could be gone again so easily. It's been kind of tough hanging out with my boyfriend when he's drinking, but i jsut play that tape through to the end. He says it would really be nice if I could just have a couple of drinks with him like I used to. Today I know I can't do that. It's not the second , third or fourth drink that gets me in trouble...it's the first one. I can't predict the outcome of picking up that first drink. I couldn't honestly say if i'd make it back to the rooms of AA and recovery if I take that first drink. I honestly fear that first drink. I was with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, i don't think I ever really got over him. I love him like I've never loved another. God has put him back in my life...for what reason i'm not sure. Maybe it's a test, and maybe we are meant to be. Taking life one day at a time. I'm so glad I learned to do that!!!!!
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing being around someone who likes to drink as much as i did. I figure I will have to work the program that much harder. Remember to put my sobriety first. Be selfish. I know in my heart that if things get out of hand i will have to go my own way. I pray that he keeps going to meetings and will someday give up the drink. I am powerless not only over alcohol but over people.
I've been to some really good meetings lately, or maybe my ears are just listening better these days. I have AA to thank for that. It's wierd, I'm on step 8 but people are showing up in my life that I need to make amends to. Guess I'm where i'm supposed to be. All i know is I'm not ready to give up the fight, actually i feel I have more strength to keep fighting the good fight more and more every day.
I got an e-mail from my mom the other day...her doctor has put her on anti-depressants. She really hates taking pills. She had some experience with these pills a few years ago and didn't like how they made her feel. But her doctor told her technology has advanced and the pills are better today than they used to be. I'm concerned about her. She's so far away from me, even though we send emails daily...it's just not the same as face to face contact. She's spending way to much time alone. My younger sister lives not far from her but she is a single parent of 3 girls, has a full time job and is just busy. I told Mom she really should try to spend more time with them as being alone so much...especially when she's sick isn't good for her.
I hope you all are doing well. I think of you's often, sorry I haven't been here much lately. I really will try to pop in more often, i need you's too much to stay away. !!!
Cheri i saw your reply the other day about the medallion, no i didn't get one for my birthday..i'd so love to have one!!! My birthday was great!!! They honestly had the best cake i've ever had!!! It was half white cake and half chocolate with pudding in the middle. I shared my birthday with guy who was celebrating 25 years of sobriety!!! I said wow...i only have 24 years to go!!! lol MY youngest daughter came with me...of course when I shared I cried a bit. How could I not????
Anyways i had the biggest pice of cake!!! and they even sent some home with me so i had a piece for you all
I went to the lake today for a bit...so beautiful to go there, it's been 4 years since i was out there. I find it hard to believe the things I turned my back on, not to mention the people, just for booze, really i sit here shaking my head, and thanking God i have another chance at life!!
Well i guess i'll go check out whats new on the board here.
I have missed your posts and our late night talks...I guess we both are so busy it's hard to catch each other. If you email me your address I'll get that medallion into the mail immediately.
