...can't they though. Yesterday my Mum called me to ask a favour. She lives maybe an hours drive north of me and wants to go to my brother's who lives maybe 2 hours South of me. can I take her, as my sister (who lives about 2 miles from my Mum) can't because sister has fallen out with brother. other brother is 5 hours North of Mum and also doesn't get on with southern brother.
So I thought for about a minutes and said I'll call you back. So now I've just called, mum wants to be at southern bros for 12 noon. OK says I. i'll pick you up at 9 a.m. Whoa says Mum, it's only 2 hours from here to Ian's house. Nope says I it's nearer 3. Well Ian can do it in 2 she says. well i'll be taking nearer 3. 2 hours driving or 100 miles and I take a 15 minute break. Well Ian doesn't do that. No Mum, but I do. well you don't need to, your Dad used to drive non stop to scotland. Well that's how I do it. If you would like a lift I'll pick you up at 9, I'll take a break after 2 hours / 100 miles and we'll get there for around noon.
got that one sorted without getting angry. Then...........
you'll wear a suit won't you - no well you'll dress smart then.....mebbe you'll have a shave won't you...mebbe not You won't smoke at Ian's house....not in the house, no. ah but he doesn't like smoking on his property.... so i'll stand on the street ah but he doesn't like to see people smoking.......so he'd better shut his eyes then (I'm losing it now.) Oh there's no need to be like that...........(me:pause).......well how about I drop you off, have a bit of lunch (mum) oh i told him not to bother with lunch.....(me) and then I'll go bird watching for a few hours and come back for you at 5. (mum) Oh. Don't you want to spend time with your brother? (me) I'll see you on Saturday. Bye.
Berluddy Hell Mum, I'm 53, you're 85, you're still trying to tell me how to behave and get pissed off when I 'rebel'. Yep, my Mum is another of those 'things I cannot change.'
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
..yep, it was getting close to you know where the train station is, but that would be churlish.
My mum calculates travel time as time on the motorway, she doesn't include the 15 minutes to get to the motorway nor the half hour of country lanes at the other end. She don't drive and with a bit of luck she'll fall asleep after the first ten minutes or so.
at least this time she's not criticising my car! Last year she was full of why don't you get a people carrier / volvo / rover / freelander like your brother / sister / brother / brother in law. because the choice of car I have is this or nuthin!
All this so she can see her latest great grandchild - I feel for the kids parents, for sure they won't be parenting right, so they'll have not only my brother and his wife putting them right, but my mum too.
Fortunately my nephew works 'with them druggies and alkies' as my brother says so he's well endowed with patience and tolerance and at least we'll have somthing in common.
Me, I'm looking forward to the opportunity to see some nesting red kites.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Yeah they know and they have their own opinions. Mum is very supportive, welcomes the changes in me but doesn't understand the severity of the illness - because she hasn't got it - and still occaisionally says stuff like surely you could have just the odd one by now and why are you still going to those meetings and have you met a nice girl there yet. Smile and grin, smile and grin. I just love her to bits though.
Southern brother thinks I'm in a cult and been brainwashed, doesn't trust me because I don't drink, is fearful that I'll judge his drinking (it's got eff all to do wi me), is very disparaging of his son's chosen profession (training to be a drug and alcohol abuse councillor - now I wonder what pointed him in that direction?). I suspect he has a problem or two, but lives in denial. He only has one glass of wine a day, every day. But the glass takes a whole bottle. He also has every February off to let his body recover. Not really normal, healthy behaviour.
Other brother doesn't trust anyone who doesn't drink, thinks I should maybe grow a pair and learn how to drink properly and make my estranged wife hand the family home back to me (it's not important today).
Sister is very supportive, seems to understand that if i drink i turn into an arse and start repeating all the previous unacceptable behaviours, seems to understand that I am developing a new way of living and has changed from a controlling, domineering, harridan to a real supportive, loving sister who I enjoy spending time with. (and this is a woman I hated with every fibre of my being for 40+ years.)Blimey, i hadn't realised how supportive she is until now. And I still have amends to make to her.
Maybe Saturday could be a good time to make amends to my Bro and his wife.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Just in case she does not fall asleep, maybe you could make a recording of the Serenity Prayer, as a chant, plug it into your ear, turn up the volume and tune out......and enjoy the country side.
As you said so well, a real test of Patience and Tolerance.
Cant wait to hear about it, after this little trip is over..... just remember to Breath, and then, Breath.....again, and repeat.
All those little green faces are us, rooting for you.......
Hugs and as a Mom, you sound like a really wonderful Son, and hope she appreciates you.....
I'm grateful that I can help out. I'm grateful that my mum doesn't really understand this illness. I'm grateful that my mum can demonstrate that she really knows the difference between behaviour and person.
I know that my mum can push my buttons - one day I'll learn how to not throw my buttons on the table.
Hey, I'm starting to look forward to the day.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Good program Bill...wonderful. My mom was glad that the program gave her the son she never had. She was pleased enough that she didn't try to mix with it. When I inventoried what it was that I put her thru and that my apology was simply, "I am sorry that I treated you like you didn't know" I considered the matter over. My Mom is no longer here. Where ever she is at they can figure it out.
I second that! Great stuff - great example. I will learn from how you have handled the situation. Everytime I feel I'm going to explode I shall think of your patience & tolerance.
Thanks alot Bill! Great fun but also a GREAT message! Louisa x
BON VOYAGE DARLING!!! Will you be home in time for the meeting Saturday evening??? If not there's always the new Sunday one which has started up at romero centre 2pm.
Sort of a reversal of MY probs eh? Like you're my kid and I'm your mum. Tha's given me a good laff and yet more food for thought. Isn't it supposed to snow again this weekend?? Maybe the HP has other plans??
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
If she doesn't like your car, you could always offer your other mode of transport and breakout the backup helmet. Maybe that would be quicker!
I just arrived home myself from a four hour ride with my mom. At least you get to operate the vehicle. I was annoyed despite my best efforts. We had a great day, but at 41 I still feel like the kid sitting in the baby car seat.
-- Edited by angelov8 on Thursday 21st of January 2010 10:27:45 PM
Might not make Saturday's meeting and it's t'Intergroup on Sunday. I'll be pushed to get a meeting in before Wednesday in Gatwick, unless I can get a sneaky one in Liverpool on Tuesday
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Would love to break out the bike and spare helmet, but I'm still waiting for new brake discs, been on order since March 09! Ended up taking the front discs off in November and getting copies made, so no front brakes at the mo.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Oooh, you might get to meet Danielle in Liverpoool (yeah, I KNOW it's a big city, but yer never know) Have a good time at INtergroup, and no need to tout for volunteers for next Thursday love, I got a sudden rush of volunteers, so don't need anymore.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
No - the old dear didn't fall asleep. Got up late but managed to get to Mum's by 0930 (65 miles done), turned straight around and headed for brothers. By the time the miles mounted to 160 total I was ready for a cuppa and a smoke. (Mum asked me to not smoke in the car - well alright).
Pulled into the services, Mum wants to know what's up, it's only another 10 minutes to Ian's (no, it was another 45 minutes.)
Got to Brother Ians just turned 12 noon, his missus cannot make tea to save her life, but fortunately she had ignored mother and had done a full dinner - shepherd's pie etc. plus the famous Vodka Sorbet's (no I didn't, she'd got me a tarte au citron instead), the shepherds pie was topped with leeks and cheese on top of the potato, but the meat also had a little cinamon in, which gave it an aniseed like taste, it's a delia recipe.
Enjoyed seeing my nephew, his partner and their daughter but by 2p.m. I needed to get out, so went bird watching for a couple of hours (Red Kite, Woodpeckers, goldfinches and siskins all ticked off).
Didn't get the oppertunity to make amends to brother as he was pretty much off his face when I got back as was my Mum - I was shocked, she'd had rather more alcohol than was usual for her.
Still, she'll sleep on the way back - no, she managed to babble on, putting the world to rights, giving me the benefit of her wisdom on subjects as diverse as child rearing, immigration policies, the demise of the coal industry and how to drive a car safely(!!!).
Dropped Mum back home at 8:30 p.m., cup of tea and turn round and back in my house for 10 pm, 420 miles under my belt.
Nobody got hurt!
-- Edited by bikerbill on Sunday 24th of January 2010 04:08:11 PM
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Glad it all turned out okay. Sounds trying though. Sometimes family obligations are just that...obligation. I like that there are moments now in sobriety that I really enjoy my family though and am not just trying to hide out and ditch their calls all the time cuz I'm too drunk to talk to them.....or just annoyed by and not wanting to talk to them.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
