Well firstly it is now 2:10am here in li'l old UK, and my head is still racing. Life is strange ain't it?? Just when you think you have all the answers they change the frigging questions.
Long story short, I have just about got over a virus which lasted a couple of weeks, and my eldest daughter started work, and between three of us, me my youngest daughhter and my cousin, were doing childminding for Emma who's got the job.
My youngest daughter, Laura, was booked in for this week, BUT, she has (we think) miscarrid a baby she was expecting, but she was only a few weeks on, so I didn't even know she was pregnant until she was admitted to hospital, and I had to cover her childminding shifts.
SO, my life disrupted, have thinhgs I really meant to do myself, and I do love having the kids, but I'd rather have not had to do this THIS WEEK!!!
I am not good emotionally, since this is the THIRD miscarriage in 11 months for Laura, and she's in a relationship with a young guy who was 5 years sober in AA, but who hasn't been to any meetings for 3 years, and boy oh boy was there EVER a dry drunk??? I am struggling with 'should I treat him as an alkie? (in which case I would kick ass and tell him to get his ass to a meeting) or do I treat him like my daughters partner who is ruling her life?? (In which case I would kick ass, but with very little or no compassion)
Of course, I KNOW the answers, I'm not asking for any answers here, I got them from my sponsor, and other AA and alanon members, I just want to get it out of my head, so maybe I can get some sleep before the day breaks. See, even after many years without a drink, the little mental monkey still likes to get on my shoulder and scream in my ear, 'Yo go get him girl, tellhim what you REALLY want to say to him!!! You know what you'd do if you had a drink inside you!'
Cunning, baffling, powerful AND patient. While I am in AA meetings, my alcoholism is outside doing press-ups, just waiting for a situation like this one, so it can taunt me. You know what, this sobriety business ain't for wimps - you sometimes need to round up all the help you can get, no matter how long you've been off the bottle. It's good to have this soite, cos I am missing meetings probably for the whole of this week, so it's good to know you guys are here.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
It sounds like in either case a good sound ass kicking is in order. I recommend the full hip swing follow through kick on the first shot followed by numerous knee kicks after. Sorry things are stacking up on you. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
We've got a saying over here "don't hate the player, hate the game" lol. You said that you didn't want any answers, so how about a question? Why is this all the boy friends fault? Didn't your daughter choose him? You didn't mention her age, but I'm assuming that she's in her twenties. She's a big girl now and she's going to turn into to you sooner or later, let her handle it. Say it with me..."My job as a parent is over and my adult child will manager her life just fine. I'm not responsible for her and her actions are not a reflection of me, good or bad"). I've got a 23 year old who I'm sure could've been making better choices in last 4 years. He's half way through his 5th year in college and has a little over half of the credits he needs for a 4 year degree. I'm surprised that he didn't get kicked out of school. He's lost most of the scholarships that he had and is now having to work and take loans to pay for it. I bought him a prepaid tuition plan 10 years ago that pays for his classes and have given him a few hundred dollars here and there but for the most part he's on his own since he left here at 18. He just ended a 4 year relationship with a sick girl (dad was an alcoholic that committed suicide 2 years ago). She ran off with some other guy and became an exotic dancer (stripper). I laughed and gave him some books on codependency. When my mind starts wanted to run his life for him it torments the crap out of me. When I say, God can you handle him for me, and remind myself how much I wanted my dad to manage my life at age 23, I just have to shake my head, laugh at myself, and ask "What was I thinking"?
I can certainly understand the protective maternal instincts. I wonder if you suggesting a meeting with the boyfriend might help you get closer and kill 2 birds with one stone. I know you didn't ask for any answers here though...just a thoughts. As long as you have been sober, I am sure you know making friends with the enemy is sometimes the best thing to do to rid ourselves of resentment (but this is not always the case and if he is abusive to your daughter...I wouldn't want to be friends with him either). Tricky one. Glad you are coping though and that comes across in your writing. In support,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Not that they have cornered the market on sleep but why not try crossing the hall a time or two and attending an Al-Anon meeting. You won't have to relearn the steps and traditions and concepts and slogans and you won't even have talk about when and where and with whom and why and the whatevers of your drinking career. You'll be into the subject of "fixin" what don't wanna be fixed. Saved my butt which then also got sent to AA. Go figure? HP works like that? You betcha!! Happy, joyous and free. Tonights topic in the other room? "The program for me and a life for a life time." The only person I was expecting that didn't show up was another fellow from AA whose partner just flipped back out and is on a run. Been there, done that, got the diploma.
Cheers friends, It's great to get feedback, even when you don't really think you need it. Got plenty at my homegroup too this afternoon, much of it from 3 newcomers, who felt so comfortable to share in their first meeting!!!
One guy was praising the meeting, saying how good it was, how much honesty there was, and and how comfortable he felt, but I had to tell him that this was largely due to THEIR attendance, the reason my homegroup works so well, for me, is that there is always at least one newcomer, but usually 6 or 7 of them from the detox unit.
After the meeting, I came home, had a long soak in a hot bath with candles and relaxation tapes, got into my PJ's and watched Corrie, American Idol, and stroked my li'l pussycat, cos she's not an outdoor cat when the temperature drops. I tell you, there's nothing more relaxing than listening to spiritual music whilst stroking a cat.(I nearly said whilst stroking your pussy, but thought better of it)
Some sound suggestions here, I love this site, see, you don't even have to ask the questions to get the answers you need. Thanx again, and thanx to Biker Bill, me owd mate, who just called me. Great talking to you chuck.
It's good to talk.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Reading your posts has always helped me. Thanks for sharing your experience strength and hope. Thanks for helping me stay sober "one day at a time" Keep Coming Back!
I had a great day today, oddly enough, didn't have to collect the rugrats, so decided to go to bed fairly early last night and have a late start this morning, but as it happened, I woke early, full of life (now there's a novelty!!) and have got so much housework done it's unbelievable!!!
I cleaned the bathroom, and the laundry basket is now empty, which is not something I see very often in this house. I cleared out two of the untidiest cupboards you could imagine, and my god you would NOT believe what there was in there. It was my double cleaning stuff cupboard, and I found 6 rolls of indoor bin liners and 4 rolls outdoor bin liners. EIGHT!!! bottles of bleach, 6 bottles washing up liquid, and loads of other stuff in multiples of at least 3.
Before, the cupboard was so untidy, I couldn't find anything, so bought what I supposed I didn't have, thus the multiple supplies. I have the kids most of the day from 11am when I pick up AnyaMae from school, but at least we can have some quality time without my head thinking about what I need to do.
Only downfall with an empty wash basket is A FULL IRONING PILE!!! I hate that chore, but have made a pact with myself to do it Sunday whilst watching the soaps omnibus.
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Got plenty at my homegroup too this afternoon, much of it from 3 newcomers, who felt so comfortable to share in their first meeting!!!
