I NEED SOME HELP WITH STEP 4

blessdmegz · Member

I NEED SOME HELP WITH STEP 4

Bob K · Senior Member

You need to do both, resentments and the bad towards others. You can go on line and download and print 4th step worksheets. I give these to all of my sponsees, it seems to help them a lot.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Megz,

There is couple ways to do it. The big book has a format that uses resentments (that's why your sponsor may be working toward). It's supposed to be an inventory of the good and the bad. Most people are pretty beat up in the self esteem department and don't write anything on the good side. Here's a great site that I found (and posted in a sticky thread). It has an excellent 4th step guide and forms that you can print and fill out (check with your sponsor we don't want to go over her head on this).

http://www.docstoc.com/docs/6076732/AA-12-Steps

mikef · MIP Old Timer

yup I agree make sure you also write about your 'assets" peace

soberdrunk · MIP Old Timer

Hi Megz,
Just wanted to say that I'm starting my 4th step too. The Big Book is the only way to understand how to do this. Online forms will helf for sure. As to the 12&12.........I personally believe this reading helps after you have already completed one fourth step. It can be very confusing if you have never attempted one before.
With this step I have to keep it simple. My sponsor definitely will guide me when it comes to the 5th step.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Megz...Keep it simple is a good filter to use on this 1st forth step along with "progress
not perfection." I've done more than several (more will be revealed will come up
later) 4th steps each one better and more in line with recovery and I still had to start
with the first one which was pretty prehistoric but the best I could do with what I had
at that time. It took you a long time to get here and like the rest of us you will need
all the time you get to complete the journey. Take the process slow...enjoy it and let
it impress you. The AA journey that you are on is the one that works...remember all
you can about it. Someday it will save another drunks life. smile

angelov8 · MIP Old Timer

I was very confused about how to do the fourth step "the right way". My sponsor and I had a chuckle recently, because my first statement to her when we began working the fourth, was, "I don't think I have much to list".

I ended up doing some freewriting. As a result my worksheet(Iwent out of the BB but added assets too) grew gradually at times, and then all of a sudden it was there. I let go of needing it to be perfect, and now I feel I am reaping the amazing benefits of having put in the effort.

We recently added a few more things, even though I have since worked other steps. At first I was rattled by having to "go back". Today, I see it as a helpful upkeep of house cleaning, and I'm grateful my sponsor is diligent and kindly points out things.

In support, Angela

ljc · MIP Old Timer

To my knowledge the BB doesn't say anything about writing down any assets. ( it may say something similiar to that in the 12+12 )

I was very confused about the 4th step early on when trying to first get sober in AA . I was not blessed with good sponsorship and the sponsors I had told me the wrong way to do the 4th step.

My current sponsor made it very simple for me .....
She told me to write down all the resentments I had against ppl, places or things over my whole life, and after searching and thinking about these resentments , if I was still angry about them regardless of when they happened, I should put them on the grudge list.
(example : say I was resentful toward my Mom over not being able to date till I was 16. Well, If when making this grudge list, I was still angry toward her, then I needed to write it down. If I wasn't angry with her anymore, forget about it )

I had a list, that had approx 20 diff ppl, places and things on it. I met with my sponsor and she helped me to put the list into the columns that are listed in the book on page 65. We both read and worked the steps the way the book suggests.

Dodsworth · Senior Member

The 4th step is definately where my sponsor REALLY helped me the most because like you said, I couldn't understand what I was supposed to do. Even the BB was confusing in the way it was worded, for me anyway. My sponsor had me make a list of people I was resentful at, past and present, why I was resentful, and then what I did to those people.

McGowdog · Veteran Member

This is my first post and I have a sort of hard-lined approach to the steps.

Would anyone here like to see my hard-lined approach to the 4th Step as directed in the A.A. Big Book?

-- Edited by McGowdog on Monday 18th of January 2010 01:43:26 AM

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hello McGowdog and welcome to the board. Please create a new thread to introduce yourself so that you can receive a proper welcoming from the regulars. And of course we would like for you to post your take on the 4th step, fire away.

Dean

Avril G · Senior Member

This is the fourth step inventory I use, and give it to anyone I sponsor, and they can choose to do it this way or any other way they like, I am only there to suggest as a sponsor NOT to force my way onto anyone.

http://www.lakeweb1.com/mrp/literature/Step4.htm

and also give them this link to all 12 steps, with an alternative fourth step guide

http://www.sober.org/

Some people have said, 'You shouldn't do that, it's not AA conference approved' but there again, neither is this site, nor any other AA site you might find online (except the AA-GB site which is conference approved)

For me, the conference approved litrature is meant to be used in meetings, and when taking people through the steps, but I had got to 5 years sober and hit a major slump where I was miserable as sin. I took a new sponsor who took me through the steps using these methods, and after that I FELT sober.

There's much more to sobriety than just stopping drinking and going to meetings, and if it works for you, it works for you, so I pass it, without forcing it on anyone, and oddly enough, the people I sponsor have carrie dit on with their sponsees.

I also recommend listening to many of the speaker tapes which are available online

http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=category&id=2

and of ourse the tried and tested Joe & Charlie Big Book study tapes

http://silkworth.net/freestuff.html

There's no wrong way to get and stay sober, whatever floats your boat - use it.

GregoryReyes · Newbie

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