Just today, I had a fight with my grandmother. She was angry about the fact that I've been drinking, smoking, and not keeping up with my daily life. She even asked me if I was "afraid of her" specifically because I'd been telling lies about a lot of things. I asserted that I wasn't afraid of anyone; but she is unaware of my drinking issue.
I was quite pissed, yet I didn't lose my my temper towards her because she is 90 years old. Who the hell else would yell at their own family members, especially if they were as as old as she is?
That was a very good question from her...Are you afraid of...A searching and fearless moral inventory often time brings up alot of stuff we are in denial of or more simply said just plain unaware. Thank HP you got her and her clear perceptions and go get an AA meeting list. Do 90/90 (90 meetings in 90 days) and see how the balance comes back.
I empathize John, but I wouldn't be pissed, I'd be scared. The progression of drinking will include relatives noting that you don't act the same. Just curious whats stopping you from really doing this AA thing full force? Not trying to harp on you.
Mark
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John, Sometimes we're that last one to see and admit that we have a problem. Not only with Alcohol, but life. Alcoholism is a diesase that goes deeper than just drinking too much. The drinking is the physical aspect of it. The remaining 80-90% is the emotional and spritual aspect. For me, I drank to get relief from my emotional state. It was my solution, but stopped working. When I finally had the gift of desparation and got honest with this program my life changed. AA is a 12-step program and a design for living. Once the steps are complete and we have a spiritual awakening our lives change and the obession to drink is lifted. We don't need alcohol any longer to be happy. It's program of action.... continuous action. Why don't you give it a try? What do you have to loose? Give it an honest effort and if your life doesn't get better, you can always go back to what you have now. Wishing you luck.
Hey John, I think we both know your Grandma is right. She is upset because she sees a young man waisting his life addicted to booze. She is 90 years old and your affliction is more common than you know. She is telling you something that can make you live to be 90+ years old. She is taking time from her dwindling time supply to confront you on something she knows from experience she needs to mention, particulairly to someone she loves. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Hey johnphilip19! Not only are there similar experiences in active using they are quite the norm..You may have to 'look inside" and see whats really going on with you..Keep coming back,only you know where you are at with "drinking and smoking" and I am hoping you are reaching out here to "begin a new way of life!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Same question, what is stopping you from plunging in to recovery waters.
Alcohol is but a symptom.....
You Grandmother might not know you are drinking, but she sure as he.. knows that something is VERY wrong, and she is coming from LOVE.
Just try it, if you don't take the Bandage OFF, the wound will just fester, and worsen. Take it OFF, and you will allow the sunlight, and the AA Program to slowly assist in the healing of what ever is under that bandage.
Hugs and hope to see you some day soon, taking what you might now preceive as a risk, it is not a risk, it is a WAY out of living as you are, try the one day at a time, use a sledgehammer on that bottle of alcohol, or mouthwash. get that cork slammed in there so it cannot come out, and just wait for the Miracle to begin.
Good to see you, my take, we see you see so much lately, are you reaching out for some help to get to your surrender????
So the title of your Post, Bad times, could possibe be turned into "It was the best of Times, It was the Worst of Times" at the exact same time.
How is she "unaware of my drinking issue"? Are you living with Grandma?
To clear this up, StPeteDean, I am not living with her. I live very close to her, and she is only aware that I have stolen from her liqueur cabinet. Thats it.
When I had to steal it that meant I was afraid of asking for it. If another person knew I stole it they also suspicioned that I did it because I needed it and I was afraid of saying that I needed it and did not want to broach the subject...just have the booze. They know and I got angry because I didn't like feeling guilty and trapped and unconsolable.
It's a part of the insanity I had to deal with later on just after I almost lost my life from drinking uncontrolably and a Power Greater than myself interfered with the process.
In hindsight the bad times got a bit worse and then I got sober. I didn't think I had a problem with alcohol...maybe finances...If I had more money I wouldn't have to steal what I needed and then try to justify it and respond to it. Actually in the end I came to understand that there wasn't enough money at times and never enough booze at anytime. If I could stand up or sit at the bar...I kept drinking. If I was on the floor in overdoes I could not. I don't remember the last time I stole liquor or the last time I had to admit I was afraid because of it. AA has tons of solutions and you've gotta give it a run similar to how it was suggested to me. 90 meetings in 90 days and then review your story.
JP, I think what people are hinting at here is that family members (along with friends, teachers, and business associates) will notice patterns of behavior and be much more aware of things then we suspect. We have a saying in AA that "the alcoholic is the last one to know' usually due to denial, which is common. We want to think that "it's not that bad" or "it can't be happening to me", or "I'm too young, to smart, too strong.....for this". I started drinking at age 8. By the time I was 14 I was drinking most every day. Deep down, I knew that alcohol was causing me problems but I thought that I enjoyed it so much. It was a huge part of my social life. I was looking for anything else to be the cause of my problems. It was always my parents, my teachers, the cops... that were causing my problems because they "didn't understand" me or my situation. I saw my friends getting in deeper and deeper, and I saw other friends going away to have a great life and it made me sad because I knew that it wasn't happening for me. I knew at age 17 that I was drinking alcoholically but I wasn't prepared to do anything about it. No one that I knew was in recovery so I couldn't see myself doing it. Consequently I wasted another 10 years trying to quit on my own every few years. I could do it for a month or two and my denial would say "see, I must not be an alcoholic...". I got married at 25 and had a son at age 27. Of course my wife stopped drinking and smoking during her pregnancy which caused her to notice mine and complain that I needed to change to get ready to become a parent. I wasn't to receptive to that and we argued constantly about my drinking (and drugging). By the time my son was born I was ready. I started going to AA meetings fairly regularly but my heart wasn't really in it. I didn't see myself doing the steps and becoming part of the group. Consequently I never made more than 2 months sober and would drink again. 2 years passed and series of unfortunate events happened. My best friend died of and OD. My wife and I split up for the last time, and I lost the best job that I had had all due to my drinking. My son was 2 and was starting to notice and learn everything. I didn't want him to have to grow up with a drunk for a dad, like I did. I was also going to lose my drivers license and my visitation with my son. My license was my way to work and I made the decision to do whatever I had to do to get and stay sober. AA looked brand new to me at that point and I did whatever I'd heard help people to stay sober. It was easier than I thought, and lot more fun. I made friends in the program for the first time in 2 years. I realized that they were just like me. They wanted to enjoy life and had found a way to do it without alcohol. I watched them and believed that it was possible for me. In a couple months, my son will be 23. It was healing to watch him grow up without an alcoholic for a father.
One hundred forms of fear this is just one. If your still drinking and smoking you are probably afraid of everything and everyone. I was just didn't know it and sure as hell wasn't gonna admit if I even if I knew it. Read the book slllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooowly stop drinking just for a day Repeat as necessary. For me everyday is necessary. I'm just saying. love Michael
One hundred forms of fear this is just one. If your still drinking and smoking you are probably afraid of everything and everyone. I was just didn't know it and sure as hell wasn't gonna admit if I even if I knew it. Read the book slllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooowly stop drinking just for a day Repeat as necessary. For me everyday is necessary. I'm just saying. love Michael
Hey Mike. With all due respect I do not fear death or the the nasty f*cking human beings that will cause death!
Actually, this alcohol issue has to do with the nasty people that made fun of me during high school.
Only reason I don't come after them is because I can't go to prison and suffer the consequences, you know that.
I'm trying to stop drinking because it will only get me into very serious trouble.
Hi John, no one can make us drink. Our own resentments seem to trigger it & many people can have many different reactions. For an alcoholic, resentment is the number one offender & it turns out any resentment can seem a brilliant excuse for a drink. As an alcoholic, I could not stop drinking by my own power. I had to seek help in AA & I came to realise I was an internal mass of triggers. Along with my alcoholically obsessed mind, I was the problem. I treat this condition daily today & I am free of alcohol & the anger(fear) that goes with it. In AA we learn that 'nasty' people are perhaps spiritually sick like ourselves. I pray you find freedom. I'm glad you're here. Godbless, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
^^^^^^ What Danielle said. Resentments are like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die. They eat you up from the inside. We have to let go of these resentments. You have to look at it and "no big deal it". Those kids made fun of you because that's what kids do. It seemed personal at the time but it was more about them trying to hide from the low self esteem that they had by criticizing you. It was about them and their problem. If it wasn't you, they'd have found someone else. You also have to ask yourself if you'd ever belittled or made fun of anyone else. Ever talk about someone behind their back? We've all done it, and in the big book it's called "character assassination". Here's another twist. When we do these kind of things, we are more likely to be offended by them. I call it "buy/sell". If your buying into this kind of behavior than you're usually selling to others. If I'm tying to lay guilt on others, I'm going to be more affected when people try and lay them on me.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 11th of January 2010 08:28:22 AM
