Hi There Brett,

Your post sort of hit a cord in me.....I was the only female in one gigantic family on both sides, and many Uncles were alcoholics, an their sons were also, men somehow in families, my opinion only here, seems at times with their heavy drink,  to wear it sort of like a shield of armor.....like it is acceptable to be a heavy drinker, (probably not referring to themselves as drunks)....well more like just safety in numbers.

As an illustation of this thought that you brought up, you might want to read the Post immediately below this,  a very old reading from when AA was getting starting and you will see absolute NO mention of a woman, other than to talk about the aftercare of their newly recovering alcoholic husband starting a new life without alcohol.

But going back to my own experience, and will try to tie this to the above mentioned reading too. Ffor most of my younger years, the time when marriage and having children was brand new, never indulged in alcohol, maybe an occasional drink before dinner if my husband wanted us to both have one.  Those were some great years of my life, took great pride in caring for my two little boys, cherished them, and they knew it.  But the problems in my life started when this perfect picture little family suddenly ended in a divorce.....and kept it together for them for a few years after that, then the long hours of working, being a single mom, needing to work and juggling day care, cooking and well you get the picture. that is when I started using alcohol to take the stress out, and then also discovered how great it was to use to relax and be the Life of the Party, on the week ends when my children were with their Dad.

that was a long time ago, but still recall those little looks out of other family members, that were the men in this big family when we were all at a family function.....picnics, birthdays, graduations, they,  all the guy were guzzling down all they could and and that look of almost "Hey Toni, you are here with your Kids too, and you should not be doing that."  So that double standard was still holding on in a way.....Juist like the Post, personally after I read it, it made me feel sad and very bad for the females that were obviously out their in their alcoholic problems. but were in some strange way, kept out of the club, too much shame in being a woman and a drunk.....my heart aches for the women of those times. no help, and all the lack of compassion directed at them, shame on our society for doing that, then..

So I can completely emphathise with how you feel about your poor dear sister, she is not alone, well she would never in a million years be treated like that, should recovery ever stick with her.  Alcoholic Anonymous thank goodness has also overcome those earlier barriers, imagined or real to the female population.

So is you big family still drinking, any of you trying to quit, and if some day, should you or another member of your family say "hey, I am in Recovery from what is ruining my life,  whoever ventured ouit of the family with that announcement might feel that same silent discrimination....

And on the Subject, have you ever tried some AA Meetings, have you ever had the Desire to quit drinking, one day at a time. 

Either way Brett, happy you posted and Welcome to MIP, this is a wonderful little family that you accidentally just made yourself a part of :)  Hope you stay and do some reading, and you might just find that what we have together in this little family, the people are all warm and wonderful, never judge anyone, ever, no matter what, open mindedness is critical for us all. and everyone is so friendly and so helpful, with any problem you may have.

Well that's enough outta me, so glad you Posted, and please do come back and tell us about any changes for the better I hope of your dear sister.  And so proud of You for standing by her side.

Hugs to you, and great to meet you,
Toni  

 

-- Edited by Just Toni on Thursday 7th of January 2010 08:09:59 PM

thank you for your reply toni,its great to hear a different view on things.My girlfriend didnt know anything about alcoholics until she met me.Now she understands that we are not all women bashers,people who would sell their kids to get there next fix,ect.normal people but with a disease.To answer your question on AA meetings,i do go but i guess my head tells me otherwise,im a work in progress is what u would call me.Brett.

Hi Again Brett, or work in Progress :)

AA will always be there, and if the days comes that you have a desire to not drink, there will be thousands of hands waiting for you to reach out.

If you have read about the Disease, then you understand it has a progression to it, and that progression is not the prettiest when it starts it later stages.....

Just glad to meet you and Pray that someday we will meet again.

Just so you know this board is an open Board, yoiu can come in here and talk about anything, your sister,  any problems that you might be experiencing with your family just like you did today.

Toodles and again Welcome to the Awesome Miracles in Progress websiite

Toni 

-- Edited by Just Toni on Thursday 7th of January 2010 08:55:17 PM

I believe in what you said. Stand by your siblings, but don't enable them. It's a tough rope to walk.

Tough love makes it worse and when people / family give ultimatums they make it worse. Tough love degrades people