When I got sober on Long Island they use to say a burden shared is a burden halved.
I thought I was sober long enough that people would just think that if this guy doesn't know how to handle his life now he never will. Well guess what. if I don't share I'm just a community of one and I've been told a community of one is insanity!!
My circumstances are different than others but I'm wiling to bet the way I wanna handle disappointment isn't.
Long story short. Thirty-Four years in the Post Office. Retired moved to Wayne County Pa. Nice retirement job waiting there working with addicted people. Laid off because of economy,sold the house I always wanted and moved to where the grandchildren are,back to New York.
I've been unemployed for 16 months. I'm pretty sure it has to do with my age. I'm 61 and I've been sober 32 years,but really just for today. Yesterday I got an eviction notice in the mail. I thought "Gee I could have drank myself out of a house instead of making an effort to keep one." Right away "stinking thinking" kicks in. I know I'm afraid of what's going to happen in the future. The self-centered fears the "Big Book" talks about. I'm powerless over people places and things and like any "get high freak" I want control.
Oh one last thing if I had continued drinking and never gotten sober than my wife who has found a job wouldn't be coming home to me and encouraging me to keep on.
Yes I'm still married to the same women I met on her 18th birthday.
Thanks for listening. Now back to the job search and a meeting tonight. If I don't go to meetings than all my talk of gratitude is bulldinky. Thanks John L.
Hey John, thanks for making laugh. Not at your circumstances but your sense of humor. Have faith and be grateful for what it is that you are desiring and it will come. I've been self employed (and self unemployed) for 21 years now, so I'm constantly "looking for work".
HEY RUNS10K11714.Thanks for sharing, were kinda similar,,'ll be 62 in a month and a half and just celebrated my 25th year at my NA group in december.I have been at my job(facility for disabled adults) for 31 years and now thinking of packing it in and heading south(were from new york)we have our house on the market and so far no bites,not the greatest time to sell a house.Im also thinking once I leave my job I'll not be high on the hiring scale>the dreaded thought of 'GREETER AT kMART FOR BLUE LIGHT SPECIALS!!I am in my third marriage(26 years) and the love of my life.You are right the fears are out there,but I have been really putting my trust and faith in THE gOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING FOR A LONG TIME AND i WILL CONTINUE TO TRUST.I also would like to share the gratitude that I have for even being here to be able "leave a job" God's grace(unmerited favor granted to me)when I really deserved a coffin!!Anyway,im rambling(could come withthe territory!!)so i SAY GOOD LUCK,KEEP DOING THE"WORK' WE NEED TO DO AND all will be well!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
lordy lordy do I relate! 62, clean & sober 26 years, lost my house long ago, still in debt, live in a rented mobile home, no savings, no job security, found my soul mate & then he wandered away, relatively estranged from daughter, sister is depressed, oh woe is me, woe is me!!!! dang....ya think maybe a meeting might help? LOL thanks Runs, for halving my burden tonight!! :)
'I thought I was sober long enough that people would just think that if this guy doesn't know how to handle his life now he never will. Well guess what. if I don't share I'm just a community of one and I've been told a community of one is insanity!!'
Jeez...thats a great line. I absolutely love it! Thankyou.
I know I'm not the eldest at 67 nor is my sober time the longest at 30 +11 so I won't play gandpop to you all. The rest of it is life as life has played itself out with me and the tools I had before during and after. Self employed kinda, sorta right now and slowing down with "some" benefits. Third time married...longer than the other two put together and my wife and I both work the program and have a history at it.
Remember the drinking parties where we all use to stand in a circle getting blitzed trying to out bs the rest in the group? No longer do any of that so I have lots of time to listen and nod and support when given the chance and trust to do so and practice what an early sponsor suggested to me after seeing me work my egomagic..."Be interested rather than interesting"... Don't get scared very much anymore but gratitude? 24/7.
sometimes it feels like the "disease" said "ok, smartass, just wait till youre old and your body starts breaking down and "life" inflicts some serious kick ass loss and grief. then u will know the true power of " cunning, baffleing and powerful" bwahaha....im not too impressed with this all somedays and get pissed with my higher power, then i get up for yet another day and read this thread..so it seems im not alone in this. im glad im not the only one who feels sorta effed up no matter how long i been in the program. bless u all and together we can! (alone were fcked) lol
Wow, life is life. Thanks for sharing this, you have made me quiet and thoughtful. My comment may be a little cliche, but maybe your story will be amazingly helpful to newcomers (or even those with some longer sobriety who still think of themselves as "new" in comparison to your time). We think that with time, everything in our life should become perfect or at least close, and that's ridiculous. I was just talking with a friend last night who has 24 years who has decided to talk more in meetings about her bankruptcies and abortions she has had in sobriety. Pride is a bitch and can help others to die. thanks so much!
Forgive me for sharing a non-AA quote: "We are all more simply human, than otherwise"
What a nice share for me to come here and read after a not so great day being sober. And I know this will not be the only one I will encounter.
Yes , absolutely it is very important to share what is going on with me when Im having trouble. ( and I do believe that trouble shared is trouble 1/2'd ).
I would like to share an experience of my own, where my sponsor stepped in and between Her and God probably saved my life .....
I was about 2 yrs sober ( Im a little over 5 now ) and I was having a bad few days cuz' I was hanging onto a resentment that I had not shared. I was scheduled to go with a few other AA ladies for lunch on friday. I had myself so worked up by the wednesday before dreading having lunch with these ladies and having to put on my 'happy face' trying to make them think I was okay and all together. ( see, Im still very sick sometimes and dont like ppl to think I dont have my ducks in a row ). Friday came and I was in very bad shape, but did share with my sponsor that I didnt want to go to lunch with my lady friends, cuz I was in such bad shape mentally and didnt want to have to cover up my real feelings. My sponsor said, " Lori, that kind of thinking will kill you ".
Ya know ... she was right . And I did go to lunch with the ladies and I did share with all of them what was going on with me, and they helped me !! Imagine that huh ? Me and my ego, getting me in trouble.
The program of AA requires for me that I constantly poke holes in this huge ego of mine. And I need to remember that I covered up so much of me, and my feelings when I was drinking and I dont have to do that anymore. Its okay to be me, with my faults, sad days, confused feelings, resentments , and as well as my good days, successes, and good things that happen in my life.
I hope and pray that nothing will ever happen so bad that I could ever think taking a drink would make it better. Long as I stay close to God and the steps, and trustworthy AAers, I wont have to drink.
Im Lori, alcoholic. And Im still the biggest problem Ive got ....
Man thanks for sharing that story with us. I am 50 starting a new career (going to nursing school in August) hadn't thought about my age till just now. The comoany I work for is goign to pay for my schooling and basically double what I make after. Gratefull God is so good to me. By the way you only have bout 40 or 50 more years praticing Bull dinky. love Michael
