5 months ago I was in a downward spiral, drinking all hours of the day, having blackouts, and hurting (emotionally) myself and others closest to me. My girlfriend had broken up with me as a result. I have been sober now for 4 months and for the last month or so have reconnected with my ex-girlfriend. I am pleased with my progress and dedication at being and living sober. It has positively changed just about every facet of my life in a relatively short amount of time. Last night I had a conversation with my ex that I'm not quite sure how to feel about. She informed me that she had shared my alcoholism with her family and a couple of friends at work. During my drinking days I was not a nice person. I was never physically abusive, but my choice of words when drinking were not pleasant. I was a mean alcoholic. I understand that everyone needs someone to talk to about relationship problems, or problems in general. My initial instinct tells me that it's OK that she shared my disease with others. I hope that those she shared with will not judge me for life, especially if my ex and I reconcile and get back together. I really love my ex and want things to work out. Has anyone had anything similar to this happen?
I thought no-one knew of my drinking, it was quite a shock to me to realise that a lot of people knew of it. We are making amends by staying sober, I try never to forget this and whatever other people think of me is none of my business.
Hello ,welcome Beatles fan!Congratulations on 4 months!!!I also would suggest getting connected aS soon as you can,MAKE SOME MEETINGS,GET A SPONSOR,minimum get a Big Book and "do some work"Our literature tells us"that relationships can be terribly painful areas"so make sure you focus on your sobriety first and foremost.Without it ,you know where you end up.From the literature"The four agreements!says Don't take anything personally,it is the maximum expression of selfishness making the assumption that everything is about us!Taking things personally makes you prey for others to send you emotional poison.If you dont take it personally you can learn to become immune to the poison. In 1969 when I chased my first wife(divorced in '75 after 10 yrs marriage)I did not even think about "being in recovery" and it never worked.Same for my second marriage..This is not about me but I can read some similarities here and know that early in my early recovery my best relationship was with "myself"and "the God of my understanding"!Thanks for sharing from your heart,keep coming back and no matter what 'JUST DON'T USE!!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I learned not to make an issue of how those that I hurt attempted to heal themselves. We had no manual on how to be or not be a victim of the disease so I just didn't react and focused on getting myself fixed to where I wasn't the perp in the future. So far so good and I haven't drank too. An Alcoholic personality often times hasn't drank before acting out. There was a tee shirt I use to see from time to time around the meetings I attended which said, "Instant asshole...just add alcohol." Could I ever relate and I couldn't blame my victims including villages, towns and countries to how they reacted to me. They did the best with what they could. Often times I learned that while I did unloving things they were not acting unloving to me even when they needed to express their feelings about our relationship. This is one nasty, cunning, powerful and baffling disease we are under the influence of...Get on the steps and follow the suggestions of those who have come before you....Trust God. Clean House. Help Others.
Beatles Fan, I think you'd be surprised at how many people already knew about your alcoholism. Most of those people will be pleased to learn that you are getting help. Anyway, don't worry about what others think. Focus on yourself. It might not be good to "out" people, but it happens a lot. AA teaches us to not try to change others, but rather to change ourselves.
"There's nothing you can know that isn't known. Nothing you can see that isn't shown. Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. It's easy."
Sounds like you love the lady and she needed to vent. It will all work out.
"There's nothing you can do that can't be done. Nothing you can sing that can't be sung. Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game It's easy. There's nothing you can make that can't be made. No one you can save that can't be saved. Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time - It's easy."
Just talk with her and possibly let her go to Alanon so she knows the game. All you need is Love.
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Welcome, Mr. Beatles Fan! I, too am a Beatles fan. I collect the Beatles ties from the 90's made by Manhattan Menswear and licensed through Apple Records before that little prat Michael Jackson bought the rights to Apple. Wanker.
Anyway, when I walked into the room for the first time I had hit as far a bottom as I could without losing my family, job & life. By that point my alkie-ness was obvious to everyone but me. No 'outing' required. I immediately sought out a sponsor who told me straight up "Without sobriety, everything else in your life will turn to shit as sure as I'm sitting here. Sobriety first and everything else second.", he said. I responded..."But what about my marriage, my job, my kids, my home!?" and he said "24 hours ago you almost lost all that anyway, due to booze. F**k it. Go home and tell the wife, go to the office and tell the boss, round up the kids and tell them - "I'm getting sober so I can save my life and learn to live it without consistently hurting you all. You wanna keep me around and be supportive; great. If I've worn out my welcome; that's fine too, but this is for me and it's the only right thing left to do."
Everybody respected that. I still have my marriage, my kids respect and appreciate my patience and level-headedness and my bosses are very, very proud of my progress. They got me yellow roses on day 90.
The necessity of anonymity at the level of press, radio, and film is fundamental to the unity of AA as group. Personal anonymity is also very valuable. I did not understand this in the beginning. People will accidentally "out" another. I do think this is something to take seriously. I have currently asked several people to respect my desire to remain anonymous, who took it lightly. I have heard in rooms about unforseen negative results that can happen when people do not respect this part of the program. It's harder when those outside the program are involved; they may not understand at all. I choose not to let it be an issue of major importance when lips flap; I quietly restate my desire to keep my recovery under wraps and let my actions be the evidence of new life change. I ask my husband to tell his friends and confidants that I "don't drink anymore", and keep it at that. If he says more, accidentally or otherwise, so be it. It feels good to have at least made my feelings clear.
-- Edited by angelov8 on Saturday 2nd of January 2010 11:11:21 PM
Hi beatles, I just want to bring up the fact that if I was a drunk, and spent any time at all around a partner's coworkers or family, they probably already KNEW that I was an alcoholic. I no longer care who knows how I used to act, because I certainly didn't care THEN, so why should I care now, especially since there is such a wonderful change in me??
Just my opinion, paid in 2 cents. :o)
x joni x
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
