New to the Forum and AA

Azul · Member

New to the Forum and AA

mikef · MIP Old Timer

wELCOME aZUL! It is good you found us here!looks as if you may be 'ARRIVING" AT OUR FIRST STEP..ask yourself 'DO YOU FEEL POWERLESS OVER YOUR DRINKING?AND IS YOUR LIFE unmanageable? You have done the first thing we need to do "put down the drug"As far as Higher Power thing, AS IT STATES IN OUR LITERATure(we agnostics pg 44 big book)'Ask yourself this question "do you now believe or even willing to believe in a Power greater than yourself?tHE ONLY REQUIREMENTS THAT THIS pOWER BE LOVING AND CARING...When and if you can answer yes to this question you are well on your way to the basis of a spiritual journey that can help you STOP THE INSANITY"!!! give yourself a break and find a meeting,share from your heart and learn to listen.We have all started in the same place with surrender and by "doing some work" we continue moving forward.We are people who suffer from the disease of addiction from which there is no known cure ,but it can be arrested and recovery is then possible.It all sounds confusing and scary but believe me any day clean/sober is better than 1 day in oblivion..Nice to meet you hope to hear back.Read thru some of the shares here and take what you need and leave the rest behind..keep comin back...... smile

Aquaman · MIP Old Timer

Hi Azul,
Welcome to our group. It sounds like you've been asking yourself some hard questions and getting answers that are tough to face. You have faced those answers with the courage of honesty. Congratulations. Step One...Accomplished.

I'm new as well. 6 months or so ago my drinking did affect my professional life, my marriage and threatened my life. I jumped into this program with both feet and no turning back. I had a relapse about two months ago, but kept it small and got right back on my program.

Higher Power and Agnostics...that was me. I can share what got me over that hump and if it helps you, cool. If not...we all have our own issues.

I sat there looking at Step Two & Step Three and remebered all the mantras of my Agnosticism - "Man created God in his own image", "Vindictive people worship a vindictive god and loving people worship a loving god", "God doesn't kill people; people full of religion kill people", "Jesus save me...from your followers" and on and on.

Step Two; Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
No problem there...under my own power I had frequently returned my life to a state of disarray. I clearly did NOT have the answer to controlling my life; alcohol was controlling me and this time I stood to lose a lot.

Step Three; Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM.
Huh? As I Understand It? IT? I can do that? Hell yeah.
The only requirements for being a valid Higher Power is that It's big enough and strong enough and forgiving enough that you can believe in It. A tree, the ghost of Bob Marley, a dead relative or every agnostic's favorite...It. The It that we don't have the arrogance to name. The It that does It's thing when It wants to.
An It that I can only understand as much as my wee little human brain can handle.
So, now that I have an It...how am I supposed to turn my will & life over to It's care? How am I supposed to believe that It gives a sh** about me? How do I know whether I'm praying to It, or to my hand?
Faith. I can believe in It AND dinosaurs. I can believe in It AND the Hadron Super-Collider. So far my faith in It & the AA program has kept me from being drunk longer than any other thing ever since I was 15 years old, and granted me a freedom to be happy in my skin like nothing ever has before.
I still won't even capitalize the word bible unless I'm referring to it a work of literature; The Holy Bible; King James Version like I would The Koran, The Torah or The Book of The Tau.

I am not a Christian. I don't have an "ism". I have my It.

May you find you It, in your time.

Best Regards and a Deep, Hearfelt Welcome To You,
Rob

carlasober · Senior Member

Welcome, Keep Coming Back!

newcomer · Senior Member

Welcome, remember you don't have to get out at the bottom of the elevator, the floor you're at will do,

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Azul and thanks for the well thought out introductory thread. You are on top of your game when it comes to indentifying your drinking issues. I'd say that you, like me, are a of the garden variety type. This is a progressive disease. You're a smart man wanting to arrest this in a somewhat early stage as the losses will accumulate. Go to amazon.com and order a copy of staying sober by Terrance Gorski. Lots of info in there about the physiological changes that occur in the first 90-180 days after quiting. Knowledge is power.
Don't sweat the "Higher Power" thing. The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to quit drinking. We stay sober one day at a time by not picking up the first drink. It's just that simple. I know that I can no longer drink safely so I just don't. You can read the AA big book here for free. It's a good read and it will answer a lot of your questions.
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Stick around and help us stay sober

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 28th of December 2009 06:33:57 PM

Azul · Member

Thanks to Mike F, Aquaman, Carla Sober, Newcomer and Dean. All of your insights and encouragement were most helpful. Day 5 has been a bit easier since we were back at work. There is nothing like a built in distraction. Worked out for a long time as well. Need to find a meeting around here and try it out. Also need to discuss this with my wife. She believes I am like the other folks in our social circle - work hard, play hard. I have not been honest with her regarding just how much I have been drinking. Hell, I have not been honest with myself (tend to tell myself it was only a couple of glasses of wine rather than 4...oops). I feel like such an idiot.

By the way, I really dislike spending a good chunk of my day thinking about alcohol. Invariably that seductive thought creeps in that says, "Hey, I'll bet a couple of pints of beer would be great this evening. You've been good. You deserve it." All things considered I would rather not be having this debate with myself. How do you guys deal with this? Thanks and regards.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

Apart from age and location, this sounds like my story before it got worse.

God - well there was one of my stumbling blocks - but I already had a higher power, a power greater than I. It lived in a bottle and I sacrificed my wife and family, my home, my reputation, my happiness, my contentment and hope at it's altar. And I did do all that.

eventually I was scarificing more and more and that particular power greater than I wasn't satisfied.I was chasing the buzz, then chasing the oblivion, then chasing god knows what, but eventually the pain got too much.

I went to an AA meeting and I stopped drinking alcohol. I white knuckled it for a few months then started to see similarities between me and these other people. I I started on teh steps, did meetings and eventually got a sponsor, who was more than happy to kick my arse into gear and at the same time was and still is a gentleman. had to get a Higher power, but this time it had to be one for good, not for ill.

I reckon there was always one there in the background and when I stopped running on self will, then this higher power kept me reasonably safe from harm.

But i could not stop drinking on my own. I needed a power greater than myself (and greater than the false promises of the bottle.) i tried Johnny Cash, I tried Jimi Hendrix, I tried my Dad, I tried conventional and unconventional deities and religions. I leant on the Group Of Drunks in the rooms, I learnt about Good Orderly Discipline and eventually I found a god of my own understanding, which has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with helping me stay sober one day at a time. That's as good a god as I need. As my sponsor explained, all your need to know is there is a god and it's not you.

Azul · Member

Bikerbill: thanks for the thoughtful reply. Your description of chasing the buzz - and the futility of that chase - struck a chord. You and the rest of the folks on this board have been quite helpful as I think through the issue of my drinking (for the record, still abstaining). Regards.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Azul, Welcome. I used to get trhough the workdays looking forward to getting hammered at the end of each day. I justified that my job was so stressful I deserved it and it was my reward. It got worse and worse until I was literally stopping at the closest liquor store from work and drinking on the way home. Now, I do really enjoy AA meetings and it is rewarding for me to see my friends and to unwind as I listen or share in meetings. That became my replacement after work for stress reduction. Other than that, think of other things you like to do and be nice to yourself. With me, I'd totally forgotten everything else I used to enjoy and had to rediscover so many things about myself. I never lost my job from drinking, but I did pretty much lose everything else....I guess what Im saying is I lost myself. I am glad you are addressing this now before it gets worse. I became a stumbling passout drinker and I'm guessing I would have been fired within a year...or dead from health problems or an accident of some sort. Living sober is also a good book and it was great reading for me when I was newly sober. It is also AA approved and subjects you might have questions about as a newly sober person are indexed. I recommend checking out AA meetings. I was initially scared off by the whole God thing too and it kept me out of the rooms for too long. I now know that AA is spiritual and not religious and nobody will push religion on you. Only for you to find something to believe in that is a constant and is larger than yourself. This is mostly recommended I think because we alcoholics have so many problems with change and with control issues and trying to numb ourselves to the world to make it tolerable. To stop drinking we need to believe in something different. Anyhow, I have become more spiritual, but certainly not super religious. God to me is largely still the love and fellowship I see in meetings and now has extended to the world around me as well.

Keep us updated! Mark