I'm sober now 6 days. I have read these sites many times and finally decided to post. This is my third attempt at sobriety. I have quit for 3 years and then almost 2 years. However this last time has been the worse. I started getting depressed when drinking. I did not think I was a big drinker, always red wine. I would drink 2-3 glasses at night and then more on the weekends. I also would binge drink when with a group of people. Started to drink as a teen and have tried to control for many years.
This last year I did a geographic and left the west coast and moved back closer to parnets. Sisters said I could help them out since they have rentals. Big Mistake since I grew up in an alcoholic home. Mom enabler and dad drinker. I realized why I ran back here, so I can be taken care of. Playing victim again and again. Married 3 times, plus I'm a severe codapendent. Anger and anxiety have started up and once again I am beating myself up for starting back drinking.
I am attending local aa meetings and want to start attending alanon meetings. Its hard visiting parents since my father is heavy drinker. He is a not a mean drunk but its hard to be around him since I see myself in him down the road.
Linda, it's nice to meet you and you are always welcome here. Glad to hear you are going to meetings. I encourage you to continue doing so. Remember that the big question is not how much or how often, but is it a problem?
The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.
Yep, about those geographics, have done a few myself.
And if you are drinking these days, sounds like with the Anger and anxiety stuff, you are listening to that part of the Disease that will tell you YOU DO NOT HAVE A DISEASE, wow, I listened and followed those voices into one hell of a bottom, I would not wish on my worst enemy, well now I dont even have any enemies, just the Disease, that sure as hell is One Enemy I respect, for the power it holds, but with a one day at a time Program, and spending time with Spiritual needs, to day that seem to keep my worst enemy away.
Just so happy you finally signed in, came in from the Cold, this is a family of Recovery Alcoholics, and we are ALL here for you.
Any questions, problems, or any other issue, you will make some awesome friends here.
And I was thinking about the time frame of how it started for you....the years you stayed sober, 3 years, then 2 years, .and what came into my little head was the guaranteed Progression of the Disease of Alcoholism.
Hey Linda. Congrats on your past long term victories over alcohol! Congrats also for finding your way back again. Hey, just get through the holidays by doing whatever it takes to stay sober! If the folks are a problem, swing by early, drop presents and give them hugs and then find a meeting and go home and watch "Bells of St Mary's" or "Its a wonderful life"". Please come back more and post because the more the merrier!
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Aloha LJ...It is a progressive disease...gets progressively worse never better. You've read that in your Big Book before and its true. Don't throw about the sober time. It is real and helpful. You leared what to do back then and it still works now...just gotta get the first step down deep...deep....deep. Get it into your subconscious. Keep coming back to the meetings and her to MIP. We saved you a chair. ((((hugs))))
Only you can determine if you are an alcoholic or not. AA will help you decide. Id suggest reading our book known as the Big Book of AA. Read thru it several times. Continue going to meetings and listen to the members share. If and when you do decide that you are One of Us ... Then Id highly suggest getting a same sex sponsor to guide you thru the steps and let the healing begin !! AA is a wonderful way of life that you will not regret if you give it your all. Getting and staying sober takes work, determination and commitment with rewards that are undescribeable at times.
My prayers are with You that you find what you are searching for
p.s. I would suggest due to my own experience that you wait to start the Alanon program until you are well grounded in AA if that is the path you choose. Trying to work 2 programs can be confusing for someone new to AA. I am AA & Alanon, but only after I was approx 1 yr sober did I start Alanon. Please feel free to email me, Id be happy to share with you and vise versa
Welcome Lindajean...You can't beat yourself up because you drank again. This is part of your journey and everyone's journey is different. What's done is done....there is no going back in time so you must progress forward. Reading Staying Sober right now and picking up the drink and drinking it is actually the end stage of a relapse.
Welcome Back Linda! Though it might not feel like it, you are right where you are supposed to be and all the things leading to you moving home etc. will just be part of your journey into greater knowledge, spirituality, and your story to tell to help others. I know I have a hefty streak of codependency in me as well. Yeah..4 long term relationships that all ended crappily and also have enabling parents (though they are not alcoholics). It has been a slow recovery thus far for me because of that. And yes, I also reached a point of severe depression and anxiety because I was a big self-medicating drinker and for me, depression and anxiety got worse because I drank myself out of all other coping skills for dealing with life. BUT, the good news is I focus on 1 thing at a time now (or at least I try on my good days). 1st things 1st. You are sober 6 days and that is awesome. You went back to AA and alanon and that is awesome. You are seeking all the help you need and the answers will come slowly over time. Have faith. I have not yet become the super independent person I hoped I would be, but it's a work in progress and I am sober now today, so it's all good.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome Linda,remember the shame is not in 'a relapse but in not making itback!Congrats on 6 days!!!!!!I also attend another fellowship teaching me tools to use as a codependant with my son who is (23) and an addict.Being addicts/co-dependants can wreak havoc on our recoveries and take us to the edge, so I also suggest you continue to do the"work" Sponsorship,meetings service help to get us out of our own heads and to remain focused.The progression of the disease is ongoing even during abstinence so we must remain vigilant!!Keep comin back
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Hello and welsome, Linda for the gentle reminder that when the King Alcohol tries to tell me, 'Go on, you're better than you were before, THIS TIME it will be DIFFERENT' - it IS telling the truth, of course it WILL be different, as you said, your third time was MUCH WORSE than the previous two!!!
I depend on people like you (as people depended on ME a few years ago, when I spent 7 years bingeing) to remind me, just in case the old alkie thinking tells me a drink is what I need.
Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning baffling and powerful!!! (AND patient) While I am sitting in an AA meeting the alcoholism is outside doing pressups!!!
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Dean
