and didn't drink, have a 'close call' or an overpowering urge. The one craving I had was when I went looking for a water glass and all the glasses were at the wine bar. The bottles of wine didn't jump out & bite my hand, although I was scared that they might. I did, however, burn a swath of merciless snacking! Cheese...yum!
What I noticed most was that everything was the same as other years past when I went to this same party, except this year I wasn't drunk. In fact, nobody was drunk, but the way I remember these parties from years past is that people other than me were drunk, too. Strange. I wonder if, in years past, did my alcoholic drinking encourage others to drink? I wonder how many times my show of alcoholic drinking affected how much people around me drank.
Something is proven to be a truth if it is also true when inverted. That being the case, when sober, we set a good example of sobriety...therefore when we drank alcoholically, others followed our example and drank too much when they otherwise may not have.
There must be people out there somewhere who learned how to drink by watching me. My alcoholism & I wronged those people. I am willing to make amends for that by setting an example of sobriety whenever possible.
It can be done .. we can go to booze parties and not drink ! I too was at a Christmas dance/party last night. There was alcoholic and non-alcoholic punch served. I went early and left early and feel great this morning.
Great insights, Rob. I think you're right... people are very impressionable-- for the good and bad.
I was at a holiday dinner last night as well. Just three couples, but I was the only one not drinking. It was terrible at first... Homemade beer in everyone's glass but mine. I felt "obvious," but ended up having a GREAT evening. Wonderful conversation while listening to 70s and 80s vinyl. And, the best part... I didn't make an ass of myself! :)
I had coffee with a friend of mine who is in AA the other day and he told me how he wasn't looking forward to a party his family was going to. Started early and would go late with lots of holiday drinks, etc. He's an intellectual sort of guy and has become impatient with the long stuff of parties with empty talk. I get it. Completely.
That is so true. My problem was the Military, at times many drank and drank a lot.
In the bars, the NCO club, outside the barracks and in some cases if you did not you were not considered part of the group.
Once I quit, in 2002, then I was being harassed and teased as to why I was not drinking anymore. I can tell some stories about it--but that will wait to a different thread someday.
Then the family scene, it seemed anytime we all got together there was drinking--weddings, birthdays, baby showers, Christmas, New Years, Funerals, Wakes, etc, you get the point.
Some family members really outdid themselves--words were spoken and actions--hence some feuds and some not talking to each other for years.
After being sober since 2002 there have been no slips nor the urge to drink is present.
There have been some close calls if I set a glass of something down--usually I will rinse out the glass or get another one out and make sure my name is on it or keep it in my hand.
Even with family was teased--one will not hurt--help toast 'whatever'/'whoever', it will be fine.
So I know where you are coming from.
-- Edited by kld47 on Sunday 20th of December 2009 03:30:39 PM
Those parties are very slippery places and should be avoided in early (1st year) sobriety. But if you must go there are several tools and such to help you make it through them. Try a take a sober person (or someone who doesn't drink) with you. Go to a meeting the day of or day before and discuss it and ask for experience on must attend parties. Pray before going to the party for your higher power to go with you and keep you from picking up a drink. Go late and leave early. I usually leave after about an hour and half, which is about the time that people start getting buzzed. Keep a non alcoholic drink in your hand (pour your own) at all times so that you don't feel left out. I usually drink diet coke with a lime wedge in it. Most people will not realize that your not drinking and not be encouraged to ask you about it. I stay away from the kitchen, the bar, or where ever the booze is. The real drinkers will congregate there and they are the ones most likely to try and get me a drink so that I'll drink with them. They're not evil, they just want company while they get hammered.
I relapsed at a construction company party once. I had about 2.5 months. It was huge party at a rented mansion. It was so big that they had 2 bands (playing at the same time in different ballrooms) and 3 buffets with about 2000 people. The last thing I remember is my Boss (who knew that I didn't drink) telling me to go home because he needed me at work tomorrow.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 20th of December 2009 01:00:30 PM
Some of these stories make me grateful that I don't even have a social life! I'm only half kidding. Except for my college years I've always been a loner. My disease never had much of a social aspect. Especially in the last twenty years of my active disease-- I wasn't much fun to be around and I didn't want any company, either. Booze and dope were my "best friends."
Being unemployed, I don't have work or after-work pals. My only living relative is my 79-yr-old Mom, who lives in another town.
Now most of my friends are AA folks. I mostly see them at meetings and the occasional social event. If it weren't for my wife Cindy, I'd be talking to my cats more than anyone else.
I need to be careful not to isolate too much. That's one reason I really appreciate you folks here at MIP. I sense the human contact even though it's in cyberspace. Right now, for instance, we're snowed in and I can't get to a meeting. You guys are all the recovery community I've got!
"Something is proven to be a truth if it is also true when inverted. " Never heard that before. Cool...thanks, for the "thought for the day" .
I relate to Jasper's post...I'm al oner, fairly anti-social, and never, ever want to see the drunk & stoned party gurl come out to play ever again. In fairly early sobriety (1st decade LOL) I used to navigate parties where people drank really well, but eventually I found I just felt better crossing them off my list. I like totally sober parties much better...much more fun, even though I don't do that many. Online contact has saved my life and I don't know what I would ever do without my computer!!!
Yo AM. Great post and timely for this time of year. I was at Epcot (Disney World) reciently and faced the same situation where I slipped a while back. I was watching the "British Invasion" which was a band simulating past bands like the Beatles, Stones, etc. With the Guiness flowing and the sounds of my youth going, it was tempting! I looked at my wife and family and what I have with them vs the vomit and lying and I chose wisely this time. Good job making it an observational learning experience!! Tom
__________________
"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I survived the office holiday party on Tues., me with 6 months. Afterwards, I had to question my motivation for attending. It was mostly a drinking party, as I knew it would be. I planned to safely leave right after the dinner, but went with my drinking husband and had to drag his happy drunken @$$ out of there, while dealing with my own self as a newly non-drinker.
Thankfully went to a sober sister potluck on Friday; what a different and way more enjoyable, loving, and compassionate thing. Actual healthy hilarity ensued. Next time I'll know better, and for all others-avoid the danger zones.
and didn't drink, have a 'close call' or an overpowering urge. The one craving I had was when I went looking for a water glass and all the glasses were at the wine bar. The bottles of wine didn't jump out & bite my hand, although I was scared that they might. 
I did, however, burn a swath of merciless snacking! Cheese...yum!
Something is proven to be a truth if it is also true when inverted. That being the case, when sober, we set a good example of sobriety...therefore when we drank alcoholically, others followed our example and drank too much when they otherwise may not have. 
