Two days. Drank until my husband got back into town. Now there is nothing in the house and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I've made a 30 day agreement, but I don't want to feel like this for 30 days. I feel myself tuning him out and focusing on what I can't have. How do I stop this?!?! Will it get better or worse with time? Or both? Feeling numb.
Aloha RG...If you really want to stop it and you just don't wanna take anymore? call the central AA office in your area and ask where and when the meetings are and then get to the earliest one you can and tomorrow do the same thing. Amazing how I got to the point where I couldn't stand it any more and did it anyway...Addiction leading to insanity and death. My suggestion is the meetings and the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as quickly as you can.
Oh runnergirl.......it will get better, I promise you. First...sit back and take a nice deep breath. Breathe. Let it out. Do that 5 times. Sounds simple and silly but it helps release tension. Wanna try something else that has miraculous results? Hmmmmm? You sure you wanna try it? Its pretty cool...... Pray to have the obssession lifted. It doesnt matter if you dont believe in God or a Higher Power or a Buddah or a Jehova. You just have to be "willing to belive" that there is a power greater than you. Thats not so hard is it? I mean, holy crap when I was at my worst I wasnt so powerful. Just put your heart into it and ask to have the obsession to drink removed. You dont have to think about not drinking or using forever....or even the next 30 days. Just ask this invisible power that is greater than you to get you through today. Sound too simple to actually work? Thats whats so amazing about this program of recovery. Dont give up before the miracle happens, ok?
Take Jerry's advise and get connected with AA in your area.
We were walking around with an untreated disease (Alcoholism). The treatment is the fellowship and AA program, you will feel much better. This Forum is a step in the right direction and a good tool, but we need more.
We where all restless, irritable and discontent until we found hope and the solution.
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Are you still "on the fence" about being an alcoholic? Where you able to find a meeting schedule (and AA phone number) for your area on-line? (we can help you with that). If your kids are going to school, that leaves plenty of time to get to a noon AA meeting every day, monday thru friday.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 12th of December 2009 05:49:48 AM
Runnergirl, forget the 30 day agreement. Switch to a 24 HOUR agreement, and it's an agreement with YOU, no-one else, we all stay sober for 24 hours, and for most of us to contemplate staying sober any longer in eary days is pergatory, so we keep it simple, I won't drink today NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TO ME, and I hope and pray that you won't too.
Seek out AA near you, you will find it online.
__________________
Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Yah...Even I forgot how hard the concept of 30 days was when I was just starting. What got me to the 30, 60, 90...and so forth was a sponsor and AA meetings. Lots of meetings. People reached out to me like I'd never experienced. They wanted to hear my "day count" every new day. They were rooting me on. I was doing it for me primarily, but that powerful encouragement of a loving and caring fellowship was the higher power for me at the start. So that's what I would recommend starting with. Meetings, a sponsor, call other alcoholics. It is just too hard to do (in my opinion) without that support and those tools. Any yes, it does get easier and there is a way out. At first you feel a huge void when the alcoholic is gone. I filled it with AA and then slowly...the gaping void that used to be filled with alcohol gets smaller and smaller until you suddenly realize you have a new life and it's a miracle. I am not a hugely religious person and I was not very spiritual when I came into AA. But it works and if it worked (thus far) for me, it can work for you. God does not want you to be miserable and feel this way forever. Believe that and just take the next right step. We are here for you too (just as everyone on this board was here for me when I found it 1 year ago at about 60 days sober). Love,
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Clearly AA has had a tremendous impact on you all. I've talked to a friend of mine who says she will go with me to a meeting. Do I have to say anything, even introduce myself, if I don't feel comfortable? Making that big admission in front of people, while cathartic, scares the shit out of me. I know it's a huge step, but I'm scared to make it. I'm not sure it has anything to do with my belief right now, just fear. Dean, you asked if I'm convinced now... My head is convinced, but my heart isn't... I know I need to do something about this... Avril, thanks for the 24 hour reminder. I like that. Laurie
-- Edited by runnergirl on Saturday 12th of December 2009 03:53:08 PM
No, you don't have to say a word necessarily. Usually they ask if there is anyone at their first AA meeting. If you want the support, it would be good to introduce yourself, but you don't have to. Yes, it is standard to say "I am (insert name) and I'm an alcoholic." But, again, you don't have to. Only at closed meetings do you have to at least think you have a problem with alcohol...so whether you say you are alcoholic or not, it does seem like you admit you have a problem with alcohol so I think you would have no problem at a closed meeting either. I was so scared to go to my first meeting. I broke down hard and cried when I did share and was surrounded by caring people right from the start. I was at the end of my rope and there was no ego or pride left in me in terms of being embarrassed or scared. I just wanted help. Now having some time in sobriety, a big part of me receiving help is helping others. You might not realize it now, but it is a gift to be at the point where you allow others to help you. Besides, you will pay it back as you get better.
Mark
I realized I contradicted myself. I said I was scared and then said I wasn't. I will say I was scared leading up to it, but not once I got there. That was the turning point, just getting there. It was preempted by several calls to the AA hotline debating about if I needed meetings, crying, and trying to fight with admitting I needed the meetings and AA. I was spiraling downhill. I had admitted I was an alcoholic, but not that I needed meetings. In the meanwhile, I crashed my car drunk and then there was no fooling myself anymore. I went and am so glad I did.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 12th of December 2009 09:38:47 AM
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hey Runnergirl, It gets better. You're taking positive steps. Welcome.
Good Morning. It's 7:43 AM where I am, and I am not hungover.
I awoke to my daughter telling me that my son was making pancakes. I am fairly certain that I will be sober today because I was granted a set of tools that I've used for staying sober in days past. That's a miracle. A 24 hour miracle repeated over and over. Avril's response was spot-on. I can't say it any better. Read it twice.
His apple-cinnamon pancakes kicked a**. Yum. If last night was a Friday night five months ago..I wouldn't even be up right now.
Peace, Rob
P.S. - It's your meeting. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
Well....unless it's an AA Spartan Wrestling Meeting (AASWM) which I wouldn't recommend for your first meeting.
At an AA Spartan Wrestling Meeting all newcomers have to disrobe, get covered in olive oil and challenge the person with the longest sobriety to a 2-out-of-3 elimination match (hint; the people with the longest sobriety are usually really, really old and easy to take-down at the knees). If you lose, you have to bake really, really good brownies for the next meeting. If you win, you get to give the oily old person a ride home. Bring a towel.
Uh-Oh, I just divulged a Super-Secret AA rite of passage and my homegroup has probably already dispatched the Anony-Mighty Minions to shut me up, but meybe not. Huh, there's a knock on my door...Hey Guys...I was just posting...........
JUST KIDDING.... An AA meeting of any sort is nothing to fear. I find them to be the place and time that I feel safest, most accepted and most secure. At a Meeting I am among Our Kind.
Be Well Laurie, Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Saturday 12th of December 2009 09:48:59 AM
runnergirl wrote:Making that big admission in front of people, while cathartic, scares the shit out of me.
Laurie, as I sit here now, I can say that there is NOTHING remotely scarey about AA, but that very FIRST one!!! OH MY GOD, I was petrified, so you are just like I was, and I am sure many, if not ALL of us were.
Stop drinking? What would I DO if I stopped drinking? I never did anything without drinking since I was 12 years old, my life revolved around and depended on drink.
Surprisingly, I just met another load of drunks who talked like me, thought like me, and totally understood ME, and NO, you don't have to do, say or be anything other than yourself, warts and all, cos you know what Laurie? They loved ME until I could start to love (or even LIKE - myself) I was very lucky that my family still loved me despite the fact I was an alcoholic. My AA 'family' love me BECAUSE I am an alcoholic.
I never spoke in an AA meeting for months, I first went back (after a relapse) in July 1990, and said nothing until maybe late November/Early December, when the groups were talking about the Christmas party arrangements, and everyone was saying what they could do, and where it should be held etc. etc. I was still scared shitless, but I sure didn't want to miss out on a party, so I spoke up and said, 'My name's Avril, and I could bring some sandwiches'
People seemed genuinely happy that I had volunteered, and someone even said I might make the Christmas party my first 'goal' (It was actually an AFTER Christmas party around January 10th) and I made it!!!! It was a great party, and I am happy to say, that was my first sober Christmas in 24 years, and I reckon this Christmas must be my 19th sober Christmas, and believe you me, I could tell you some real hair-raising stories of Christmases past, which because of AA and the programme, I often laugh at, having cleared the wreckage of my drunken past, and try to not pick up that first drink, just for today.
So, if you want it, you got it, just face the fear and do it anyway, and you will be amazed at how different life can be sober. You already sound better than your first post, which shows something does work. I am SO looking forward to hearing about your first meeting experience, and in fact I could probably write it for you, cos all you have to remember is, we have ALL been there. That newcomers seat isn't all that comfortable, but it eventually becomes a place where you can relax, be yourself and not worry about what other people might think of you, you will live comfortaby in your own skin, and THAT, my friend is - for me- the miracle of AA.
__________________
Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
Wow, push your husband away, to me it sounds like your Disease is raging in your head, battling going to a meeting.....for me it was like trying to get a Gorilla to go to sleep......I relapse for 10 years....gorilla winning all the battles, then only when my life was on the line, did the Gorilla get slayed, if only temporarily, long enough for me to ask a God that I DID NOT understand to show me a different way, the Compulsion was lifted immediately and I managed to now crawl into the AA Program with the wonderous Gift of Desperation....The swinging door stopped swinging, 24 hours a day, as long as I kept relying on HIM to get me back to a meeting the next 24 hours......
So hope your battle will be over, with you asking a God maybe of not your understanding too. The Miracle of this happening, happens all day long, everyday to a drunk that has a desire to not drink anymore, 24 hours a day. when they Do the ASKING .
Praying for you my friend, that that same mysterious God that I asked, now I have a deep abiding faith in a God that is still mysterious, always will be, but using Faith in my Higher Power that I definitely choose to call GOD, always, keeps that Gorrilla sleeping still....19+ years later.....I find HIM there in all my affairs as well. Please remember Laurie, the RECORD in this awesome AA Program is 24 hours, so if my chance you woke up earlier than I did today, you have more sobriety that I do today in this 24 hour Program.....
Prayers going up, ... many Hugs to you my friend, Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Saturday 12th of December 2009 01:51:18 PM
Good for you Laurie ... going to a meeting with a friend. No, you do not have to say anything if you dont want to. You do not have to admit your alcoholic either. All you need is a desire to stop drinking and you can be at the meeting.
Get a Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous as soon as you can and take it home and read the first 164 pages.
And yes ... keep going to meetings. Meeting makers do make it. But only if they do the work that is necessary to stay sober. Ppl that just go to meetings, then that is all they do, is make meetings. But if you choose to stick around, get a sponsor, and find a God of your understanding, work the steps and help others, then yes, you will get better and most likely live a life that is more wonderful than you could have ever imagined.
