Been a rough two and half weeks..but still hanging tough..
I can identify with those that are new, or just comming back..
The craving to drink at some moments is pretty powerful..
However...From past days gone by..I know that those compulsions will go away, eventually..
I tried to apoligize sincerely to someone that I'd hurt and continuously lied to over the past year..but to no avail. The anger and hurt that I caused might be forgivable at some point in time...maybe not..
Have to forgive myself, and try to leave the rest with a Higher Power..
I hope that one day at a time, I never forget what it was like.. I had to have my alcohol fix daily..some days were better then others.. And turning back into a person that I didnt really wish to be, was a big one.
Aloha Phil...I hope you have a Big Book and the first 164 pages are still in it so that you can read and consider working it as suggested. Suggested meaning that it has worked for so many that way and can and will for you if you turn yourself over to this very simple program. In support.
One that my sponsor use to drill into me when I was talking about some stuff similiar to what I hear you saying.
She would stop me in the middle of that, and say, "Just consider this, my worst day sober, is pure gold to my very best drunk".
Hope to, that you can find a way to just put that bat away, maybe in an old closet.
WE ALL LIVE WITH OUR REGRETS, AND Just working the Steps on each and every one, take all (well most of real bad feelings) inside out of us, for we have handed them up to HIM.
Thanks for sharing your newfound & discovering sobriety with us today, Phil. I'm glad you're using your courage to forgive you & forgiving those whenever they're not ready. That's such a kind & loving thing you're willing to have God channel through you right now. Like in your own words.. Keep on trucking :) Danielle x
__________________
Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Yes Phil, don't go too hard on yourself. You know the program and all the steps... When you were originally new, you didn't skip to step 9 right away. Give yourself time to heal and just be good to yourself. You may have done some things you aren't proud of but you are human. Some people never even try and change. Some people never see the need to be honest at all...ever. Take it a day at a time and just give yourself a pat on the back for doing what many never would have the strength to do....coming back after a long period of sobriety and a relapse. I've heard more stories of that kind ending in death than with people coming back to the rooms. Peace,
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Phil, Welcome! Put the bat away... sounds like you beat yourself up enough over this. Same as we all did. You have a diesase- the good thing is there's a solution. It will get better- min by min, hour by hour and day by day. Jump in the middle of AA and let the fellowship pick you up to discover your new journey. Thanks for sharing.
And a big hello from across the pond here in freezing cold England!! Amends may not always be accepted, but as you said, maybe in time it might be, but you've done it for YOU, nobody else, regardless of whether an amend is accepted, it is done for US.
__________________
Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
