Went to an alcohol evaluation today to get some clarity on what's going on with my drinking. Unfortunately, I'm still a little confused. The counselor told me I am walking a dangerous line between abuse and dependence. She suggested abstaining from alcohol for one month to see how it goes and to reevaluate from there. Of course, I decided I should finish the one beer we had left in the fridge... and now I'm PISSED that there isn't anymore. Was trying to think of who to call that could bring me some beer over. My husband is out of town and the kids are sleeping... I'm so angry with myself... I feel like I just want to want it. Does that make sense?
Anyway, I'm now eating a ridiculous amount of cookies to fill that obsession I'm feeling (not working). I'm starting to think abstaining will be too hard. So... where does that leave me? Do I try going to meetings even if I'm on the fence as to whether or not I believe I am an alcoholic? Part of me wants to keep drinking until I KNOW I'm an alcoholic... until I can see it. Sick, huh? I know how NOT pretty that can be...
If you percieve you are an alcoholic, you are one. However, the difference between alcohol abuse and alcoholism is that alcohol abusers drink in excess but aren't entirely alcohol dependent. Alcoholics, in contrast, must have alcohol or they fear they will die.
I'm a 19 year old alcoholic myself, but do not drink to decide if you are alcoholic. Simply go AA meetings, counselors, and other solutions to get a full view of your problem.
The term "alcoholic" is not in the DSM IV actually...There is either alcohol abuse which is the repeated use of alcohol despite negative consequences and then there is alcohol dependence which would be marked by 3 things, having a tolerance for it, having withdrawal without it, and not being able to go a significant length of time without drinking. Either way, in AA we define where are problem has turned into Alcoholism and in my opinion, it could be anywhere in between the spectrum between "Abuse" and "Dependency."
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi Runnergirl, and welcome. Sounds like you are facing a very big question, maybe a painful one at that. We have all had our own experiences with the "big" question of alcoholism, and if you are having any questions yourself I say stick around to hear about others' experiences and even go to some open AA meetings (those are meetings open to everyone, alcoholic and not). Let us know what happens!
well I cannot improve on what Simple wrote, recovery is completely an "inside Job".
Just my opinion, what I learned in AA, was how to NOT pick up that first drink.
So go to those open meetings, and make your own decision, they also have a 20 question questionaire on most walls, asking you to answer those 20 questions, to help you determine whether you are in fact alcoholic.
Wishing you the best, sure hope you will come back and tell us how things are going.
Also in the first 164 pages of the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, if you take the time to read those pages, you just might see yourself there.
Either way, welcome to this site, hope to see you again, no matter what you decide, all the people here are warm and wonderful, and will help you any way they can, without any judgment ever....
Just re read your first post on this thread and what springs to mind is somethings I have been told like:
It's better to be in the fellowship pretending you're an alcoholic than be drinking pretending you're not.
there are lot's of people in the fellowship who might not be alcoholic, but they are there because the ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking
you can get off the downward spiral any time you want, you don't have to go to the gutter.
Your rock bottom only has to hurt enough for you
there are a lot of bad things that haven't happened to me, YET.
You're Entitled To lot's of bad things and will get them because this is a progressive ilness.
The only person who can truly diagnose whether you are an alcoholic or not is YOU.
Now the practical stuff - there is a book in England called Living Sober which gives you lot's of practical tips for avoiding the first drink. If it's available in america, i suggest you get it. Meanwhile, alcohol is loaded with sugar calories, so in teh short term, unless there is a medical reason, replace the alcohol sugars with other sugars - candy, sweet tea and coffee, choclate, ice cream, sodas (lemonade, coca cola etc.) OK you might get fat(ter) but nobody got arrested for being fat and disorderly, or driving under the influebce of cream cakes and anyway, the next step is exercise, get physically tired, then SLEEP! Eat well and regularly, avoid confrontation, get phone numbers and use them, call other alkies up just to pass the time of day. Remember that you only have to do this one day at a time and you can re start your day anytime, even if it means taking a nap.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Thank you all so much for your kindness. Bill, thanks for the list... it helps. I've been to one open AA meeting and I remember thinking, I didn't want my low point to be as bad as some of lows I heard; a friend told me recently how grateful she is that she stopped her disease before it took her too far down. Toni, I have the Big Book checked out from the library and I do relate to lot of what I read. (On a side note, I also checked out the book "Drinking: A Love Story." Had to stop reading it cause it was making me fall more and more in love with alcohol. I could very much relate to a lot of those feelings of comfort, etc. with alcohol.)
Again, thanks to you all. I'll keep checking back. My husband leaves town again on Monday... will be a big test for me.
