Today I was feeling fine until I got a text from a close friend asking me to come see her at work because she was upset and needed a friend. She's a bartender and in the past every visit included copious amounts of comped drinks so I was nervous about going. I made the decision to go and I'll admit that deep down I wasn't going to protest if she pressed me to have a drink (she doesn't know that I'm in AA). When I arrived I immediatly noticed that she looked like shit and much to my surprise she wanted someone to talk to about her drinking. Since I don't have much to offer someone seeking help I proceeded very cautiously. I asked if she wanted to stop and she said that she did. I asked if she had tried on her own and she had, without success of course. I was afraid of coming across too heavy handed so I didn't bring up AA, I just said "do you think you're ready to get some help?"...then she said "I'm scared to go to a meeting". I asked what she knew about "meetings" (I somehow knew instictively that calling it AA was frightening for her). She didn't know much except that "they're really religious". I wish I could tell you what I said to her but even though the words were coming out of my mouth they were coming from somwhere other than my shrivelled little alcohol soaked brain.
She's coming to meeting tomorrow...and now I'm sitting in my car and I feel like crying. I don't know why but I do. I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed.
Holy crap Tipsy! Someone else asking you for help with their alcoholism..... gotta believe that she had an inkling that you had already found at least some, if not all of the answer.......
It is, and always will be, the most profound part of the AA experience when we have an opportunity to help someone else who is also struggling!
BTW, I also hope you remember all the times you and I discussed the 'religion' issue. Remind the lady that G.O.D. can stand for "Group Of Drunks". That was, and still is the "God" that helped me get my feet firmly planted on that slippery road to sobriety.
PS. I am still a Taoist son of an ordained Lutheran minister.
I can relate to being around other drinkings - and wanting to drink - but remembering the price-tag associated with "escapism"...
Now i find myself in the baffling situation of helping other alcoholics who cannot help themselves... but the 12 steps remind me that i too am pwr-less... and that H.P. is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves :)
A friend called me today after my 6oclock meeting - while he was at home with a neighbor and a friendly bottle of Crown. Oh how we deceive ourselves when we say we are just going to "watch the game" - i wish it was all about "our team" fighting over the tanned pig-skin - but as a former drunk i know that it is better to be sitting in a meeting at kick-off than at my old playgrounds... My meetings are my new playgrounds and you guys are my new playmates! LOL! :) xoxoxo -happy super-bowl season and Good Will To All Fans
Remember, that's how Bill W. and Dr. Bob stayed sober-- by helping each other. That was before the "first 100," or even the first 10. You are reliving history!
Speaking of the "first 100," our name came from the book ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, not the other way around. Interesting, huh?
Aloha Brother I am sitting here basking in the light of your overwhelmingness (?). Been there...done that...felt the same way on several occasions and what I found out after was that unintentionally I was affirming the program and also a commitment to it rather than trying to hold it at arms length while I looked around for some other avenue of relief. I also got to stand outside of myself and see myself in the cry for help of another person. I too wanted recovery that bad and hadn't come to ask for it that way. I believe (really) that you have had one of many to come "God Shots". She may have been the one that called you and I agree it was you needing her. How does the touch of HP feel Tipster? HP really wants you close. Its okay to let go absolutely. Hope you both have a great meeting.
PS. I have a servants prayer that starts off
Lord make me an instrument of thy peace Where there is hatred let me so love Where there is injury, pardon where there is doubt, faith where there is dispair, hope where there is darkness, light and where there is sadness joy...
Oh Divine Master grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. What I read in what you did for another drunk can easily be filtered thru this prayer and also in the AA declaration. "When anyone reaches out for help I want the hand to AA to always be there and for that...I am responsible."
Overwhelming indeed.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 8th of December 2009 01:21:08 AM
Wow, James, I hear humility in your post. You didn't want to browbeat your friend with the answers, you didn't rescue your friend, but you were available and tell us she's going to a meeting. make that meeting yourself too, there's nothing more reassuring for a newcomer than going with a friendly face. then once she's there, introduce her to the other women and fade into the background.
Sounds like your HP is guiding you. Sounds like a good 12 step call.
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
James, This is awesome! I'm reminded of something my friends tell me here in AA. Our HP will put people into our lives when WE need them the most. You will not only be helping her out, but yourself as well. The focus during your convesation was not on YOU. That's how it works. Nice job not selling the program to her, but just listening and being there for her. Whatever you or it sounds like in this case your HP said was just what she needed to hear. Our primary purposes is to get sober and help others acheive sobriety.
I also thought aa was 'super religious' but have read and attended meetings and listened to others refer to their higher power AS THEY KNOW IT TO BE. I love that... It can be anything outside yourself. Coming from a person who has always thought that 'self' is all one needs (talk about ego) I am looking to aa as my hp right now.
My sobriety (14 days today) is a raw and emotional spiritual journey at it's most intense right now. I have a feeling it always will be. And as for meetings, a man said yesterday 'what other group asks nothing of you, has no dues or tithings, no political affiliation or religious specifics?'
Aa truly is the most wonderful community I've had the privilidge of becoming apart of... As odd as that sounds :) so much support and shared joy. So much gratitude.
Wow, I am not speechless, but in a little AWE, sounds like possibly, Very Possibly your own Recovery has taken a Major turn onto or into the "WE" part of our beloved AA Fellowship, my heart has a big ole smile in it about the part where you wrote:
"I wish I could tell you what I said to her but even though the words were coming out of my mouth they were coming from somwhere other than my shrivelled little alcohol soaked brain."
PS. Have you been sending notes to John about your ISP being unblocked, thought that dean or sobrietyspell could but obviously wrong on that, but i do believe John has the ability to do that, I do know that he can look up ISP numbers. So please keep writing to him, and if you have not, please do.
...about your Post......Out of Ourselves, helping another, is How it Works!!!
Hugs, so happy you came back!
Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Tuesday 8th of December 2009 10:37:35 AM
Thanks everyone for the encouraging words. I can't express how much grattitude I feel towards my friend for allowing me to share the small bit of knowledge that have about the program and alcoholisim. All I did was tell her about my experiences, both good and bad, and what she encounter at her first meeting. I told her about how long I struggled trying to control it on my own and how the experts say that it's the obsession of people like us. I described as best I could that I am what's considered a high bottom drunk, which is someone who seeks help before losing everything and how some people are low bottom drunks and don't seek help until ending up on the street or in jail or a hospital. I told her that I sensed she was like me in that regard. I tried my best to explain to her that there was no shame in going to a meeting and that it takes am enormous amount of courage. Then we talked about why we drink so much and we discovered that our reasons were very similar. Fear. We've always been shy, uncomfortable in social situations, awkward and uncomfortable in our own skin. We both also suffer from bouts of depression. I think she was shocked to hear that we had so much in common and when I descibed how the first drink made all that go away she just nodded and started to cry. I told her that if she made it to a meeting she would here her story often and from girls whose experiences would be even more like hers than mine. She was feeling so crushed and so beaten thati just wanted to give her hope. Because iveknowm her since she was 12 (she's mybest friends little sister) I knew what buttons to push with her. I told her that when I'm sober I feel like a kid again...I feel like I can enjoy all those things I let slip away when I was drunk like going for a bike ride, taking the dog to the beach and playin or just feeeling like I'm bursting with energy. I knew that would reach her and I when I explained that it dosent take years or months to get that feeling back, it can happen in weeks or even days. She was pretty much sold.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful experience, James. Tears touched me too. I know that feeling well. I have all of the steps built into my life like the discipline & God given gift that they are. I'm privileged to be in a position to work the steps with other alcoholics & this helps me stay sober today. Love & let go. Each of us has our own journey. My sobriety is dependent on the steps & my HP rather than the sobriety of another. I say this so that you know if she struggles it doesn't have to undermine your recovery. Stay strong & a good example. Godbless, Danielle x
__________________
Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Providence is what I say. I went to a social function (lots of booze) last week with my brother-in-law, we had a little down time and he said he wanted to make a confession to me..... I held my breath and wondered what was coming down the pipe.... he said he has an appointment to see an addiction councillor, the late night scotch just got the best of him. I was elated to respond by telling him, I have joined AA and have about 12 meeting in. We were both so encouraged and surprised and it all happened within the same time frame. We draw strength and share great thoughts with each other. Providential I say... it is a difficult time of year to resign to the truth but it really is the best. The tests will make us strong. Cheers Carlotta
