I am a newlywed of 5 months, and my wife is a recovering alcoholic - 2.5 years sober. I have always tried my best to support her. I used to drink alot, although I do not consider myself an alcoholic, but since we started dating, I have stopped drinking completely when I'm around her, and only have an occasional beer every couple of months.
This past weekend, I made a poor judgement call and placed her into a situation where we were the only ones not drinking. The events leading up to the ordeal are a long story, but basically I thought that she was ok with the situation, and did not feel that I was insensitive to her disease.
After the fact, she blew up, and was very upset with me for placing her in the situation, and claimed that I was not thinking of her and her problem. She left in the morning, and didn't come back until late at night, and then wanted to sleep in a different room. She feels that she has to isolate herself from everyone, including me. I told her that it doesn't have to be that way, and that I would be more sensitive to her condition in the future.
I am looking for a support group that is mainly for family members of recovering alcoholics. I want to learn what I can do to support my wife, and prove to her that I support her, and that the last thing I ever want to do is upset her or make her feel uncomfortable.
Does anyone know where I can find out if and where these groups exist? I am in the tidewater area of Virginia. Any other comments or suggestions would be helpful.
Hi Matt, Is your wife in AA? The group you are looking for is Al-Anon, it is for friends and family of Alcoholics. I highly recommend it. The number to call to find a meeting near you is
1-888-423-2666, you can also visit the Al-anon site here on MIP.
Will keep this brief as I have to fly out the door to an exam. It is possible the support you genuinely want to provide your partner is somewhat beyond you, though that by no means means you cannot strive for both personal and relationship peace. Maybe suggest your partner checks out this board, and visits a new meeting? Isolation and social detachment is dangerous for alkies, in that we can slip into some very negative drinking thoughts and ways of looking at ourselves very easily without the support of other like-minded people to keep us progress focussed. It may be that your partner has slowly withdrawn due to normal things (work, marriage, family etc commitments) and the outing night suddenly revealed this to her.
We need to remember we have AA to turn to, when the going gets tough. It is easy to begin expecting others to fill the gaps, but its not very fair or constructive, if we then just suggest they don't understand. We need the understanding and support of other AA's to continually practice acceptance of our own alcoholism, ourselves, others and everyday events. The best support you could possibly offer her would be to encourage AA contact and friendships...move the focus of alcoholism outside of your relationship and back onto the alcoholic...so you can both get back to being yourselves and enjoying each other.
Gotta fly - glad you checked in. Hope you also come back and share your Al-Anon progress with us. All the best,
