Remember that warning that you see on the TV regarding extreem sports or
stunts?  "Don't try this alone"....getting sober is that way also...just don't cause
1st of all I was told and taught, I don't know anything about it.   I've been around
a while since then however it was others in the program that clued me into what
was going on with me, mind, body, spirit and emotions.   I learned that alcoholism
is a class a disease not a symptom of something else but one with it's on pathology
and set of symptoms.   It is a liquid depressant and an anesthetic to boot so might
it be that you may be going thru some of the withdrawals without it?   You are
trying to leave a lifestyle and habit which you have set up and practiced for some
time.   That you would wake up from a night of not drinking and being surprise
about how much was drank and by whom while you didn't not participate means
an impressive wake up call yet wisdom asks the question how much did you use
to do and for how long?  That is the dependency you are going to have to go
thru and now with a drinking partner that might not want to join you and give you
heat.  When I stopped my relationship with my alcoholic wife was a horrendous
affair....crazy making extreem.

You will get a ton of help here with suggestions that are experiences which have
worked for us.   For me the meeting rooms of AA, the Big Book and all of the
literature is the gold mind.   Others leading me thru their recovery and helping
me to build my own is what has gotten and kept me sober.  Building a relationship
with a power greater than myself and greater than any of the other people, places
and things that I use to turn myself over to is key.  I have no drinking relationships
today including my family of orgin.  Although my drinking thoughts run themselves
most of the time I have not acted on them for years.  I don't play drinking drama
like I use to, go to meetings often, do service to the program which helps me do
active work agains my disease and read literature and help others.  There is more
and it is simple.

Others will welcome you here and share their Experiences, Strengths and Hope
with you also.   Welcome and stick around while we do recovery together.

Welcome David! Keep coming back -- it works!

Hello and Welcome David!!

Getting sober is not fun!!!  That's one of the reason I don't want to do it again.  You have described all the things I experienced or thought I was experienced.  But, I can tell you it is possible to get through.  Heck, if I could do anyone can do it.  Pain is not one of my favorite things.  Neither is the fear I felt as I was getting sober.  Promise!!! if you don't take a drink, one day at a time, this will pass, one day at a time.

Hang in there!!!!!  And come back often!!!! 

Hi There David,

So happy you found us here.
A though about your current detoxing.  I had done in the Past some voluteering in a Detox Center, and the general or usual stay was 6 to 7 days.  These were Mandatory stays for people that wanted to avoid going to jail, so never really knew how serious they would be about getting sober.  But anyway my point being that it had been determined by the Courts what would be a decent time for getting the major alcohol drenched person, to a place where they could possible change their thinking, if they choose.  And I do recall David, the very Intense and shaky anxiety that these dear folks were going thru. All we could offer was to volunteer, as AA Members, share our own stories, and focus on the Hope aspect of the Experience Strength and Hope of why we were there.

My own experience with the Anxiety was very intense, I had in the previous 6 months stopped a 7 year habit of taking a ton of presciption Valium so I was someone familiar with the raw intense anxiety.  I did not understand at the time that is was mostly a physical withdrawal, my body had become so accoustomed to using outside chemicals for so so long, and when those were taken away, cold turkey, my bodys reaction was very difficult, but the really GOOD News is, if I did not pick up a drink or a drug,  just one day at a time, and Only by the Grace of God, did that happen, then I never had to re-experience that cross-addicted detox.

So what was written here, cannot really add to much to what others have said.

You sound so very committed, and I applaud you. The Meetings, the other's that have held out a personal hand, Hope so much you will grab on, tight, don't let go, no matter what. 

One of the best sayings around AA is "This Too Shall Pass" just something you might want to focus on when the Detoxing gets really unpleasant.  For it it sooo very true.
Even just one month from today, you will not be going through this.  

Grab on to the AA Program, and HOLD on for Dear Life.

So so very happy you have joined our little Family today, my new dear friend.

Hugs, Toni  

-- Edited by Just Toni on Sunday 25th of October 2009 08:55:25 AM

Wow! Thanks for all the replys guys im overwhelmed and did not expect this. I will be attending AA near me as I have never done it before. The most I have ever gone without drinking is maybe two months on my own. So I know I can do it cold turkey I just need to attend to remind me why I stopped! Not sure whether I drank to subside anxiety, or drinking caused the anxiety. I don't want to be slave to anything but God. The weekends I found myself drinking earlier and earlier because of the night before. The hangover only went away until that first drink. So I would drink earlier than I would in the past.

When I moved here after my divorce I was introduced to someone who would have a beer while driving. I thought well it takes alot for me to get drunk. So if I have one or two while driving home I would be fine. This is something I would have never done before I met this person. Since that I think my alcoholism grew that much stronger. Then I would go fishing with another freind and he would start drinking right away at 5 or 6 in the morning....I said of course "why not".

I have a family history of depression so I inherited this, and I think using alcohol helped it at first. Of course I thought it did. The anxiety, and panic attacks would never happen when I drank. So I used it for comfort from it. I feel really strong willed but this stuff gets to me it messes with my brain, distorts it, poisons my actions. I once pushed my step son against the wall because we were playing, and he got hurt, so he hit me four or five times in anger. I pushed him against the wall and told him never to hit me again. My wife seen this and was astonished!! "You have been drinking hard stuff huh?" She told me I needed to go, because of this. I told her I just need to stop drinking the hard stuff. That was a month ago. Last weekend we threw a party for my sister in law and we had a keg. I was drunk all weekend and monday went to work still hung over. I complained to my boss that I wasn't breathing very good and had a panic attack in his office. I thought I was having a heart attack!! Was it one of the withdrawal symptoms? Did I need a drink? I told myself that I needed to see a doctor. They hooked me up to an EKG my heart was fine. Naturally the doctor asked me how much I had been drinking and that I needed to stop and that would help with the feeling down and out of breath that I had been feeling for so long. The out of breath feeling would go away soon as I would take a drink. The finality of not drinking of course sent me into a deeper loop of depression and anxiety and fear that I could not stop myself from it. My last drink was last sunday and I drank that because of the way I felt. The hangover from the party was to much to handle! My mother told me I should get my doctor to prescribe some tranquilizers as that would help with my mind racing, and telling myself that I have some cancer or disease because of the withdrawals that I am feeling(Alcohol im sure). I don't think I should because of my tendencies as a user of alcohol right? So far I have been taking a half a dose of Zoloft for three weeks and after that I could use a full dose when the 3 weeks is over. I have downloaded some christian podcast to uplift me in the meantime and they are great tools. Also the Lucinda Basset attacking anxiety and depression has helped in some way as well. There is also this book
http://www.amazon.com/reader/0553274872?_encoding=UTF8&ref_=sib_dp_pt#reader-link

Anyways, thanks for all the replies! I feel comfort in reading your guys accounts knowing that im not the only one going through this helps.

God Bless
David

Welcome to the group David .  Glad you're here !

It sounds as tho you are describing some withdrawls from alcohol.  I am not a doctor, but I have heard that more ppl die from alcohol withdrawl then do persons addicted to drugs.  please, be careful.  Stay in close touch with your doctor and please , please, please, be completely honest with Him about what is going on with you.
You may need to be under a doctors care while detoxing from alcohol and that is something you should discuss with your doctor.

I have heard many, many times in meetings ( not to metion experienced it myself ) that it is so much easier to stay sober than it is to get sober.

If you havent had a drink for about a week now, then wonderful ! If you start drinking again, it is gonna get tuffer and tuffer and tuffer to stop.

I would highly suggest that you locate some AA meetings in your area and begin to attend asap.  If you want to stop drinking, there is certainly more to it than just putting the drink down and AA will help you with all of that .  It is a wonderful fellowship of ppl who genuinely care about the health and welfare of others just like them.

I can proomise you 2 things David  .....

#1. If you stop drinking, go to AA meetings, get a God in your life, get a sponsor and work the steps of the program, and dont drink, your life is gonna get sooooooo good, You wont believe it.

#2.  If you continue to drink, your life is gonna get worse then you could ever imagine, guaranteed.

Please, go take in a couple meetings, come back and let us know what you think and how things are going for you. 
Keep the focus on YOU and dont take the first drink, cuz thats the one thats gonna getcha every single time.

We're here for Ya, we know what you're goin thru and we want to help. You gotta do some work tho.  And, it aint gonna be easy .  But like my sponsor has told me many times,  " Did I ever tell you this would be easy ?"  and I always have to reply No. 

Its not easy, but every day that I dont drink, pray and ask for Gods guidance, share my experience, strength and hope , and help another person, my life gets better.  One day at a time. 

My attitude has much to do with my own sobriety . If my attitude is I want to stay sober and Im willing to do anything to get it, then Im gonna be sober . If my attitude is I want to drink and I dont care, then Im gonna be drunk . Its that simple.

You can do this, it is do-able.  Ya got to want it .

David, what you have told of your story models my experience with alcohol almost completely. Our life situations sound different, but I will tell you what IS similar. I have a serious family history of both anxiety and depression and I inherited that. I did drink to self-medicate it and unwittingly made my anxiety and depression worse, thereby starting a vicious cycle. I did drink WHILE driving and that was one clue that things were getting way out of control. I tried to quit on my own and could only last a couple or a few months (more often I gave up after a few days). After a year of being sober for me, things are not perfect. My anxiety is MUCH better and depression is clearing up too. It still remains unclear how much those illnesses were affected by and affected my drinking. It doesn't matter that much now and I know the anxiety and depression I have is less due to being sober.

It does not sound like you need much more convincing to go to AA. The major difference I see between us is that you have a family and a wife. If that situation is going to work out to help you rather than be another obstacle, the whole family will be better to get involved. Your wife might want to go to Alanon. It does sound like she is a heavy drinker and may have alcohol issues of her own. It also sounds like you already have an amazing understanding that you can't diagnose her problem or make her want to stop. In either case, the changes that will occur in your life as you stop drinking will be profound and the whole family needs to be on board with that. I know your wife wants you to be the best husband and father you can be and I really hope she can get how serious this is. If she wants to drink, doing it outside the house would help you a lot. I don't know if I would have made it this far with alcohol in my house and with regular drinking going on around me. If you go to AA, you are going to learn much more than how to stop drinking. AA is a lifestyle and a set of principles to live by with give us a daily reprieve from drinking if practiced vigilantly.

A few other tips...severe detox symptoms lasted only a week or so for me so I give you major kudos for getting through it...it should subside soon. There is still major residue left to our brains from all that time drinking though. The more subtle withdrawal symptoms can last several months even if they are more emotional and cognitive than they are physical. You probably know there is a likelihood that you will feel edgy and irritable at times. I'm just trying to let you know ahead of time so that if you find yourself wanting to snap at your wife and kids, you know why and you don't think you need a drink to stop. It will go away. Of course, I highly suggest looking for a sponsor who is also a father or was a father of young children when he got sober. This was the case for my uncle (the only other family member I have that went to AA and got sober)....he, my aunt, and cousins were all involved in alanon and my uncle continued to have some periodic anger outbursts the rest of his life, but overall...he mellowed out substantially with the 12 steps and AA. It was a miracle. His children now have good memories of him instead of mainly bad ones of him being grumpy, violent, depressed, or anxiety ridden. He was also not a hard liqour drinker like me, but would go through a 12 pack or so of beer a night. He had 5 kids (my 5 cousins)...and the 2 youngest were under 5, I believe when he got sober. Anyhow, prayers for you and I swear this journey you are embarking upon is for the best, even if your mind plays tricks on you and makes you think or feel otherwise at times. Be open to getting all kinds of help. It is okay because the help was there for all of us and we just try and give it back as we all grow stronger together 1 day at a time.

Mark

Hi all thanks for all the replys it helps. I have been doing great, good day today! No alcohol of course. I will be attending AA I have not found one really close to me that fits into my schedule, though there are some 8:00 Pm meetings I have been eye balling in Tacoma here. What you all have said has helped me a great deal. I am great full and
god bless
David.