I believe everybody is different.  I have seen more ppl ( than not ) get into relationships to early and fail.  By failing I mean the relationship doesn't work out, either party goes out and drinks, etc.

I was in a long term relationship before I got sober.  Thank God for my sponsor who helped me thru those early times of sobering up.  Which was basically the first year.  Not that I dont still have problems, but they are much easier to deal with as each day goes by, cuz I have learned so much.
What I learned is that I was totally incapable of loving or caring for another individual as long as I was full of hate .  And when I got sober, I was FULL of hatred, anger, resentments, and all those other character defects that made me sick.
Now, pre-AA I would tell ppl ... ( husband, kids, siblings, Parents ) that I loved them, but it was merely lip service .
I mean c'mon ... I didnt have a clue what love really was .
But today I do !!!  Thanks be to Gods grace and the life changing program of AA.

The movie with Sandra Bullock is a great flick.  And I totally agree with getting the plant, and then the pet.  Taking care of them for a year to see how it goes.
I tell new gals that I sponsor who are single that I HIGHLY suggest they keep the focus on them and staying sober.  Forget about the guys !!! New ppl are so vulnerable when they come thru the doors.  If  a person is more concerned about impressing or dealing with another person in a relationship, then where is their loyalty to their own recovery and health ?  It simply aint there .

To my knowledge there is no written rule on the relationship issue early on in sobriety.   Its just merely again a suggestion.  But a powerful and meaningful suggestion in my opinion . One that could possibly mean the difference between drunkeness and sobriety . Therefor, the difference between life and death too.

Good Morning,

And LJC, Lori Jane, which do you prefer?...  Anyway really liked your imput. It made so much sense.

Everyone is so different.  We begin Recovery, from every walk of like, and depending on our own Backgrounds, how much the drugs and Alcohol had damaged further, an already damaged person, (speaking of myself here)

Walk in finally, to see if saving my own Life was going to be possible, with the Help of my Higher Power, and the Rooms of AA, and the Program that I had shunned for so long.

Came in with such big volumes of Self Hate, it took a long long time for me to get to a place, such as.....where some folks come in and stay in today.

I can recall the three emotions that expressed who I was.
Raging Fear, Self Loathing, and Shame so deeply embedded in me, that it did not seem to be an emotion, but moreso, just who I was inside.

But the big difference was that I believed that all people can get well, as in those they speak of with grave disorders, "IF they have the Compacity to be honest", and I was now willing to do that, no matter what, and with the seeds of Faith that we growing in me. In my second year of Recovery,  was diagnosed with Severe PTSD, sought out and found a wonderful Therapist that was trained in this field, and that was the most difficult, and wonderful at the same time, almost 10 years of Extra work along with my Number one commitment to my own Recovery, and my cherished Sobriety, which included daily AA meetings for those same 10 years.

 Ok, I am trying to stay on Topic, but it relates to how we are different. 

There are some new members here, that are already in a good solid relationship, and I appauld them. finally giving up the Alcohol, but with a clear, and good mental health about themselves.

For some of us that came in after ending a very sick long term relationship. Raging co-dependency, and then even thinking about the opposite sex, well speaking for myself, if I ever found myself even attracted to anyone, the crazy, As Dean was speaking of, the Moving truck and the Wedding Plans. well that was enough for me, to first, never ever return to that meeting.  As in 'If you see someone you feel a strong attraction to, Run as fast as you can!" My Sponsor, who obviously knew me, better than I did. those were her words, and I believed her.

Kind of chuckling now, man oh man can I ever go on and on and on, perhaps to save some from this long dull read, how about, Some are Sicker than Others.  Not really a need to elaborate, so well maybe I should delete 90 % of this, but hey, my friends here know that is just who I am at times...Still working on that condensing...promise.

I just loved that "Buy a Plant, then Buy a Pet, and if they are still living at the end of those two Years, go get yourself a relationship.  such a Beautiful Ideal.

Happy Sunday to all.

Tonicakes

PS, LJC, see that you have one big Birthday coming up, and happy you joined us, and love all your Positive words that you contribute!

Just Toni wrote:

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"Well, in your First Year, buy a Plant, at the end of that year, buy a Pet, and IF..  at the end of that Second Year, they are both still ..alive   ..., that would be when I would recommend starting a Relationship"

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I really like this!!   

Haven't shared so far, because I came into A.A. in a 18 or 19 year marriage.  *He had a lot of HOPE*  Haven't been in a new relationship, don't think he'd like that.    Practicing what A.A. is teaching me is only make it better.  Have no plans to move on and it doesn't look like he's going any where.

What I can share is what longtimers have shared with me, when I'm working with others.  Most believe a person will do better in a new relationship after they have completed the Ninth Step.  They say this cleans up our past and we have had a look at our defects which, possibly, probably, aided in the end of the other relationships.  It also gives us time get a good relationship with our H.P.  If I have my H.P. above everyone, things, I usually do a lot better all the way around.

Thanks - Great thread!!