By all rights, I'm a newbie. Almost 90 days, but I gave my card to an even newer guy in my flesh & blood meetings and said "call me if you..." and he did.
It felt so good to be of service to another one of us. But...
I'm questioning how I should feel about this because well, to be ruthlessly honest with myself, up until 88 days ago my feelings and instincts got me nowhere or worse - fast. Ha. Remember the Simpsons episode where Bart keeps putting his hand into the flame over and over again and saying "ow" every time?
Yeah, that's a drunk, alright. So, in recovery, I'm questioning almost everything I feel.
For sure, I'm going to ask my sponsor, but I'm curious to know what some of ya'll felt when you got your first call to help.
You should feel good about helping a fellow member, God put you in his path, any you offered your number for a reason.
I really can't remember, but I'm sure I started feeling useful after I got my first call for help.
You have a lot more to offer than you think, you stated above that you got ruthlessly honest and your previous feeling and instincts where bad, so maybe your best thinking got you into the rooms...great thing to share.
You can be a friend in support, encourage him to get a sponsor, tell him about the meetings you go to, tell him about the things that where told to you that helped you stay sober.
In a lot of respects a person with a few months my have more "street cred" than someone with 10 years.
For me, some of the people who helped me the most in the early days only had a few months, the raw emotional feelings and the struggle to just not drink was "fresh" and they could strongly identify with what I was going through.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
AM I was told by my early sponsor that I would never know if the program worked unless I gave it away to someone else. I don't know how long it took me till when I felt whole enough to reach out to someone else and I guess that maybe that is your second guess also however lots of time the excitement of early recovery does carry enough spark to keep another newcomer in their own seat for the duration. Talking to your sponsor is sound thinking and you can also ask your sponsor to widen the support to include another should that be okay with them.
All you can do is share your experiences and encourage him. As part of my prayers and devotions I always ask my HP to speak through me, so I may be of service to others. I know where my best thinking and actions got me, so I try not to let "self" get in the way when sharing with fellow A.A.'s. I also know for me (who struggles with an ego problem) I need to make sure that I give credit where credit is due: in most all cases my HP. I have a hard time hearing people tell me "I really liked what you said" because my disease feeds off of that stuff, and before you know it I'm Edging God Out (which is what the word "EGO" has come to mean to me). It's great you've had the chance to share, and try not to do like I do and second guess everything (that's a tough one for me). Just like we're told in the BB, in order to keep this thing called sobriety we need to give it away. Keep sharing with us and others, and trust that your HP will work in you and through you. Brian
these are good questions for your sponsor to answer. surely you have something that he wants (90) days and you can tell him how you got there. Fellowship is important and offering to go to some meetings together (or meet there) would be good for both of you.
I think it cannot be a bad thing when you instinctively reach out to help another person in AA. Yeah, there has to be boundaries on your part, but you will know what those are, if and when you need to exercise them. At this point, he needs a sponsor and encouragement. You will be a huge role model to him regardless of how much you talk on the phone, so you need not worry about how much you help him. I recall just seeing people with a few months more than me regularly at meetings and hearing them share and it was those people that I am now steadily watch all get their 1 year medallions. We did lose a few on the way though and that is the only reason to stay a little detached. Just remember that you are an extreme rarity in terms of catching on to AA like you have. Do not take it personal whatever this other person does or does not do. I think I fully understand where you are coming from with having some reservations about exactly how much you want to or can help others right now. You can and are able to do it, but also you know you are really in the mode of learning and saving yourself right now. So it's all good. There is nothing to worry about. If you start getting a lot of calls from this guy...that is when you say "Listen, you know I'm with you on this journey and the fact that you are willing to call me and that you trust me shows me how well you could work with a sponsor. I want you to find one and then we'll talk more later."
In my first 6 months, I was willing to identify and listen and encourage, but when one of my friends went out, called me drunk after losing his backpack downtown and also breaking his wrist and wanting me to help him find his stuff and take him to the emergency room, I had to say no.....and I had to cut that friendship off sadly. That type of helping would take me out faster than it would have gotten him back in at the time. You could scroll backwards about 9 months ago and read a post where I was getting pretty upset with people dropping out and relapsing at that time. I wrote about it on here because I was scared it would happen to me. So basically, you are doing exactly what is right. You help others, then you share your own feelings about it. As long as you don't venture too far away from AA, your sponsor and peers with more time...you really can't go wrong.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Well the fact that you are questioning this, is great. I feel that a brand new person just needs both guidance and support, right. It is always recommended that someone find for a Sponsor, someone that has way over 5, with 10 years as the optimum, but there just might be a little "identifying gap, and the newer person could easily fill that gap. Not just anyone new, but you certainly quality in my little mind as a person that has truly dug way in deep, with a commitment to stay in this Process of Recovery.
And you might serve as a great comfort to him, as you are new too, and so very positive, (personally I feel that is the clue), your relationship with you Sponsor is number one, of course, but what has already been said, Just trust you own extincts.
When we come in we need to find a Sponsor, but what is also very important is to be able to really "identify" with another, someone that shares in the newness of this Program. So sounds likes it is a "green go" signal from how I see it. Just my little 2 cents on this.
Wen i was in early sobriety i would give rides to newcomers and just be a friend ,,,if they needed to talk on the phone I would not Sponcer Because i had nothing to give but time ... what you are doing is considered 12step work ..Keep up the good work
"Enjoy the feeling, it's supposed to feel good when you help another Friend. That's the Unity and Service sides of the triangle. He just helped you through another day of Recovery. Just don't let it go to your head."
By all rights, I'm a newbie. Almost 90 days, but I gave my card to an even newer guy in my flesh & blood meetings and said "call me if you..." and he did.