After a lot of serious consideration I've decided that I'm going to deal with my issues in a different way. I've come to believe that alcohol isn't the cause of my problems but simply a symptom. For as long as I can remember I've struggled with my self image, self esteem and a lot of other things relating back to my childhood. I didn't want to deal with these things on a conscious level so I chose to focus on something tangible, alcohol. The truth is that I don't believe that I'm an alcoholic...it's just been my scapegoat when I let my life spiral out of control.
I want to thank you all for your encouraging words and advice. I truly appreciated having this board during rough times. I wish you all the best.
Hey Tipsy, Don't forget where we are if things don't work out. I am going to miss your posts. You are a funny guy and I am sure that things will work out in the end if you keep pursuing the truth. Good Luck Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Man oh man are we going to miss you, I know I felt a little pain right in my little ole heart if you are saying goodbye.
Just one last little tiny thing I want to say, ok,?? Hope you will not mind.....I am quoting you......
" For as long as I can remember I've struggled with my self image, self esteem and a lot of other things relating back to my childhood. I didn't want to deal with these things on a conscious level so I chose to focus on something tangible, alcohol."
Alcohol is only the tip of the Iceburg, and your words that I read, sounded just like my own Iceburg. It took a long time in therapy to overcome these issues, but I had to remain Sober to do this therapy, and when I was finished after several years, I was still just a Sober Alcoholic.
But Tipsy, you only know inside what you feel and what you need, so not going to argue the point, that is for sure.
Hope so much that you will just pop in once in a while and say hi to all of us, we love you and will love you if you want to leave.
I am going to really miss your posts. You have been a huge contribution to my sobriety. Laughter is good in sobriety. Thankyou so much and nice meeting you in spirit. Thankyou for being you. Prayers will be with you.
Some years ago, I thought the very same things as you, that it was really other issues, and that alcohol was a symptom. I was wrong and it took me about fifteen years of struggle. I controlled or thought I controlled the alcohol, when I didn't drink so much, my life sorted itself out, eventually my life became unmanageable with alcohol or without, and I ended up getting into situations that were unbearable, I wish you the very best, please don't take the hinges off this particular door, and keep an open mind.
All of those are my problem too and alcohol is/was a symptom. For me, AA has not been about drinking persay since 90 days or so when cravings mostly were gone. It has been about self-esteem, my childhood, and other fears and insecurities. So while I say alcohol was/is a symptom, it kind of isn't because all that glob of sickness is also the disease of alcoholism too because it much of what made me drink. Either way Tipsy, you know you are always welcome back in AA and on this site. I will miss your posts. Cucumber :)
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Bye for now - when the symtoms re emerge you know you'll be welcome back here. If you can turn round and drink like a gentleman, this Barnsley Lad's hat is certainly off to you.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Hey buddy, nobody can fault you for trying a different path. After all, this journey is all about finding ourselves. If you come across anything worth sharing, I for one would listen. I love my program, wouldn't change a thing but am always interested in other people's successes. All the best!
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
Tried to send a PM to you, but you deleted your account, Have been thinking about you, and a well established theory that has been around in the field of Phyciatry for many years, and that there are some, maybe 50% of patients, that right at that moment, it is called, the Break through moment, that the person, cannot face the feelings that are coming up, tooo painful, so they abruptly leave the Doctor, and never go back.
I saw this in my own Sister, she was not Alcoholic, but was a person that could not get in touch with her feelings, she lived here entire life that way, then one day she started with a Phyciatrist, and was feeling so good about getting close to the moment when she was going to be able to see how to access her own Feelings.
That Moment came, it had to do with her losing her Dad, she was two years old, (My Dad too) in a freaky train accident, and I did not ever know him, so I was untouched by this event, I was still in utero, and had not been born. But going back to my dear sister, she got to that great Point where she no longer had to protect her inner child from the devastation of Abandonment, and in one spilt second, the emotions that came up for her, overwhelmed her, and she stopped going, never returned, and I was so deeply saddened at that, she was my sister and of course I loved her very much, but never really got to know here, well from any emotional level at all.
I hope the others here on MIP will not get too pissed off at me, for Posting this to you or rather responding to your Goodbye note to us. The above thoughts have stayed with me for days, and needed to say them. Perhaps this has nothing to do with you, in a parralel, and I am truly sorry, if I have invaded that privacy that we are entitled too.
My own preception of your Posts, were that you were getting so very close to accessing your inner feelings, and then you....Just said Thank You and Good bye.
Will miss you, but as Dean said, we will keep the light on for you.
And to all of You on MIP, sorry if you found this completely out of line, let me know if you do, and I can always edit it out. Ok??
done now, Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Sunday 27th of September 2009 11:46:20 AM
How incredible that so many of us have been touched by Tipsy.. We can hope that he checks back in as a visitor to see all of the comments that are posted here to him. We wish him well. We will leave the light on for him -- as has been said. We will continue to keep the doors open. We wish him success and happiness in all his endeavors and delight in the knowledge that -should he need us , and our chosen path to sobriety and serenity we will still be the beacon and the light - and carrying forth the message that for today keeps us sober and ready to face our trials, tribulations and sometimes just life.
Let's know that our doors are always open and let's look for who just walked through them....
Hi, have a virtual seat and a virtual cup of coffee...and as Dean says: Stick around and help keep us sober.
Thankyou & Goodbye, Tipsy McStagger. Maybe one day we can say Hello James :) We love you & will always care for where you are & how you're doing. I have enjoyed having you here & been with you every time you got close to those underside feelings that show how beautifully human & caring you are with that infamous sensitivity & mask of humour we can often use while the going's tough too.
James, I got a lot from your shares & I never lost hope that one day you'd be able to keep the drink down & let all those old feelings of who you've been & where you'd like to go come up. I identify with all those feelings you said that you used alcohol as a scapegoat to distract from. For me, on a physical level, I know I'm alcoholic because I could never control my drinking no matter how I tried & that, mentally, ultimately I could not stay stopped by myself either.
I'm glad I came to recognise what a destructive influence & effect alcohol was in my life & I'm ever grateful for the true strong desire I came to have to stop. After some experience of sobriety, spiritually, I realised I was unmanageable with or without a drink & that's how I came to understand the significance of the steps for me & how stopping drinking lifted the lid off all of my issues so that I could work through them focused & determined one by one. This was my journey & my story.
I hope with all my heart you find as you need, dear James. If you ever reach a point where you find you've changed your mind, return freely & share with us. This A.A. fellowship at MIP will always be here to listen to & care for you however you feel. May God's Love go with you & bless you with safe travel. Thinking of you in my prayers & cares, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Hmm. It's like I just entered a clearing with a smoldering campfire, an empty water bottle and a blood-trail going off into the brush. Five hours after you bailed, I joined. Too bad. I've read some of your old posts (not old, heck, I've got milk in my fridge older than your last post and it's still good) and it looks like we would have gotten along. Y'know what...Instead of just taking a leak on your campfire coals, I'm gonna leave you a note taped to a bottle of water. If you come back for it, maybe it'll help you down the trail a bit. If you don't come back and get it, I'm just out a bottle of water and a sticky note. Fair enough? Good.
Who made who? Did man create god in his own image or was it the other way around? Is divinity an intellectual construct or is our intellect a divine construct? Was I given this big ol' 6lb chunk of grey-matter just so I could join the Prophet-Of-The-Month Club? Can anyone prove to me, just with one little irrefutable fact, that the human condition is any more spiritually valid than two dogs humping? No? I didn't think so. Not one shred of evidence to the contrary that we are just a biological mishap. We are what we make and we make what we are. Period.
No kidding. Don't look down here for a recant. That's really what I believe. BUT...
In the 36 years since innocence & ignorance left me I have been using my own reason, my own power and my own resources to wreck my life over and over and over again despite my 6lbs of grey-matter (well, 5.5 by now). Having faith in nothing led me nowhere. It led me through drunken stupidity and left a path of pain & wrath. I didn't need a god, but I sure as heck needed to quit drinking myself to death and find a new way to live.
I didn't "find God" in an AA meeting. I tried to relapse after my third meeting. I stopped in the store for smokes and bait and there they were, lined up like little 20oz. angels under glass. Three of those cans and I wouldn't give a crap about all this soul-searching and I could slip back into the gossamer bliss of liquid liberty, safe and sound as ever. I grabbed them and went to the counter, already feeling low and high at the same time. As I dug for my money my spanky new green 24 hour coin slipped out of my wallet and onto the counter. The clerk, the same one who sold me hundreds of dollars worth of beer in the past without ever asking or telling names looks up into my eyes and says "Hi Friend. My name is Carol. Coffee's free for Friends."
God found me, through AA. What is God? I don't care. I could give a rat's a** if God is actually a Rat's A**! I have made a conscious decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of God AS I UNDERSTAND IT! I choose to not try to understand. The bible, the koran, the book of mormon, the torah, the talk on a cereal box is all the same to me. God is whatever pushed that chip out of my wallet in front of that Friend at that moment in time. Gravity? Sure. God is gravity. It's bigger than me and I believe in it. That's good enough to keep me sober and that's good enough to keep me alive.
Let Go and let God. step 1) I can't. step 2) It can. step 3) I'll let It. Simple program for complicated people.
Well Tipsy, I hope you get this note. If you don't, at least I learned a little bit about myself in the writing of it. If you don't need the water, leave it for the next person. Lots of people use this trail.
God found me, through AA. What is God? I don't care. I could give a rat's a** if God is actually a Rat's A**! I have made a conscious decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of God AS I UNDERSTAND IT! I choose to not try to understand.
Loved ALL of your share, love, just that THIS bit stood out to me. I am sure it will be used in many AA meetings in and around Barnsley.
-- Edited by Avril G on Saturday 10th of October 2009 08:11:19 PM
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Serenity is Wanting what you have, not having what you want
Always remember non-alcoholic beers are for NON-ALCOHOLICS
