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jonijoni1


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My Turn... hahaha
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Well, I too have an anniversary coming up, not until November, BUT all these anniversaries around here have me looking at my own state in recovery.

My situation is not by any means unique, but I am however one of the many "re-treads" around here. hmm

I am not new to this. My 2 year anniversary is coming up, and dangit, I have been here before!! So no ticker-tape parade for me, but a very humbling and grateful time in my life. A tiem to be ok with the journey I have been on, regardless of missteps along the way. It all sure has wallopped me upside the head with a dose of humble-pie.

I ask myself, "what do I have today that I didn't back then?" (with respect to the first 2-year anniversary). Answer: a renewed sense of the urgency of a daily-reprieve.

Along with it, the blessing of "How Important is it?" at work in my life, in regard to life's catastrophes that come up, and in regard to the fact that yes, I am STILL a quirky stubborn soul who likes to have it her way, until she's had enough. Letting Go comes easier today. I held on to some bullcrap for far too long, and paid the consequences. A lot of the bullcrap I speak of is my old opinions of myself, the maudlin desperate bludgeoning of a poor sould who just "couldn't get it right" with respect to just about anything in life. What a waste of time. I was walking around as though life was a hall of mirrors. I have learned to look AROUND me, and not always AT me, if anyone else understands what I mean here. Pride in Reverse was the stumbling block. And with it I held on to a deep and often hidden suspicion that I would again "screw up my recovery". Talk about self-sabotage.

In these past years, the childhood I once grieved as having been so awful, has for some odd reason become, in my mind, a pretty decent one. The ill treatment I felt had been handed down by my father and other guiding adults now seems so much less severe than I once thought. My mind has begun to open. The story of my past is being edited by understanding, open-mindedness and simplicity.

I still have to treat every day as though it were my first in recovery (Step 1), and also like it's my last on the planet (easier said than done once we get into a more "comfortable" place). After all, even with many years of AA meetings, I still only have 21 months continuous sobriety, and ultimately, just One Day.

I hope those who are also celebrating anniversaries around this time do not have to make the mistakes I made. I am one of fewer who did the things I did and lived to tell about it. Some have more than one chance at this, and many don't. Some die or are incarcerated forever on their first relapse. Some never even make it to the rooms of AA in the first place. Those of us here are here for a reason and I sure am glad to be a part of all this. One Day at a Time..................



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Mike B.


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Thank you Joni.  I enjoy reading your posts. Keep working your program and you'll get to your milestone one day at a time.  Stay humble even if there is a ticker tape parade.  Remember; your only sober a day at a time because you live in/with a spiritual solution led by your HP.

I to am a re-tread.  My first three years were futile attempts of trying to get and stay sober.  I did less than 1/2 measures and it led me back to the bottle time and time again.  Once I surrendered and became Honest, Openminded & Willing my life changed.  I now try to live in the solution and not the problem. 

I like your reflection statement:  what is it like now versus prior to sobriety-
For me it's living in the solution and enjoying it a great deal.  The promises have come true and continue as long as I maintain my spiritual condition one day at a time. 

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pinkchip


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Wow. Joni.  Nice share.  Of course I want to say something deep and profound but I cant.  I can really only listen/read because you are further on this journey than I am.  It makes me appreciate what I might progress to if I continue to work the program.  I think the best I can do is say "Love you Joni" and thanks.

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Just Toni


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Hi There Joni,

Yes, the anniversaries do make us go inward, and look inside
asking ourselves if we are living up to what is asked of us, and that is a simple suggestion, to give to others what we were so freely given when we walked though the doors for good. and with the clear understanding that it is just one day at a time.

Offering a hand to any one suffering with the disease, and offering our own outstretched hand, letting them know that first they are not alone, and that this awesome AA Program is offered to all that are willing to just sit and listen, and surrender themselves to a new way of living, again, just one day at a time.

Changes, that is one loaded subject. Somewhere in my first year I heard that what would change was not just some things that needed to definitely go, but that our lives would be changed in every single way. That was pretty over-whelming and then I began to see that it was just to change one thing at a time.

And yet, I sit here typing this note to you and realize, that I am no longer the person, the black out drunk that walked or crawled into those rooms, only through the Grace of a Loving God, that continues to be there, that I have complete trust in.

I agree Joni, as the years go by, we, or I know I do, I go to a deeper level of humbleness, and awe to this life that I live today, one day at a time.

That word Celebrate, yes, I can see that as in Celebrate Life,
However, the Birthday party dinner that I had the other evening with my Older son, where he was all smiles from ear to ear, for the dinner I prepared, and the gifts that where wrapped and all over this big coffee table.  Making someone really happy, and putting a lot of time in trying to make that happen, that was what I would call a true Celebration.

Somehow the word Celebrate and Silent Humbleness, just dont meld too well, yes I celebrate my anniversaries, deep in my heart with Prayers, and words of thanks to my Higher Power for giving me these years of following His Guidance, and letting HIM take the reins when Trials and Tribulations come, and watch the days and months go by to a new release from same trials to freedom to continue just one day at a time, in even deeper Gratitude to my Higher Power that I choose to call God.

We have set backs, old behaviors, not very often, but when they show up, we have the tools to look at them, and ask that they be removed, and perhaps one of the 12 Steps is necessary to elimate the unwanted behavior. 

I always love reading your Posts, wish you could be here more, with you cheerful message of HOPE.

Love you my friend,

Toni

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Sobrietyspell


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I love your posts. Thank you, Joni. I'm glad you enjoy & respond to this sense of urgency in having a daily reprieve. This brings the day home to me too & boosts my gratitude. My past seems to have changed somewhat also. It doesn't hurt me today. I was in grief & feeling sorry for myself, angry, for a long time but it was hurting me more to carry it around like that. This program cleaned me from the inside out & teaches me how to live in the best harmony with myself & others. It is great to be surrendered to a gift that not only helps me but can make me useful to others. Godblessings for your coming success 1Day@aTime. Of course we know it is just for today but you so derserve your happiness. Keep coming back & sharing your wonderful inspiration with us ;) Danielle x

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