Over the past week or so I've been reminded that although I've made many changes in my life, there's still allot of "Brian" left inside. I've come to realize that there are things in my life that are out of my control (wiat a sec, I already knew that). I can't figure out why I always try to take control over the situations that were, and still are the hardest for me to deal with. I know I have no control over anything but my actions and re-actions. Over the last several days my fuse has been very short, and I've re-acted instead of acted~wrong thing for me to do. Life has been making it hard for me to work my program the way I'm used to working it. I've missed several regular meetings because of illness, Dr. appointments, and everyday life things that I should be able to easily cope with but can't. I mean, regular people cope with them, why can't I? Oh wait, maybe it's because I'm an alcoholic and can't manage my own life. I need to always remember that I'm not like most other regular people, if they even exist. Maybe I'm just rambling here, but at least I know I can come here to do it, and people understand. I've been feeling sad and blue, thinking that I should be working harder on my program, causing the old "guilt trip" response. I need to remind myself that I have not drank, and don't have to today. When I step outside myself, I can see how good my life really is these days, but then I always end up going back inside, and worse, going upstairs without an adult. I need to get out of my head, get better connected with my HP, and start living a more spiritually driven life. Guess I know what I need to do, now it's time for action on my part. Thanks for letting me vent and share, and I look forward to hearing what all my good friends here on MIP have to say. Good day, and God bless...
not sure where you're at in your recovery (time?). but in the first year or two, you're going to go through down cycles and have to learn to "muddle trudge" through them and remember that everything comes to an end (good times, bad times) but that the "bad days" are a decision that's made between your ears.
There is a saying in medicine, although a bit "frank", but it's true.
"Bleeding ALWAYS stops." (Whether it be from first aid or death)
The correlation here, is that there are 2 ways an alcoholic can make the "pain" and low times stop. Either by "killing" the sobriety, or by waiting it out while administering the "first aid for alcoholism". It is not fun to wait and wonder, but to know that This Too Shall Pass (with time and work), keeps me going during rough times.
So glad you are here and sober, Reffner.
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
One of favorite sayings, that always rings so clear," My Worst Day Sober, Wins Hands down! to my best day Drunk".
The first years are not always smooth sailing, and that goes for all the years we go through, but now have all the tools to just Use Them, one day at a Time, to not stay in the Stuck Moments.
Thinking of those "Trudge moments" as Dean pointed out, as having AA Boots on, and continuing to go uphill, when it appears that we are trudging thru a lot of yucky Mud. The working of the 12 steps keeps us going up that proverbial hill.
Glad you are here sharing this, and good to see you this morning.
Thank you all, and your all right. I'm 2 weeks away from the 1st 6 months I've ever had, and have been told that the 6 month mark can be like this. I just get up in my head, and want to change so many things I have no power over (only thing I can change is me, I know). My son (4 1/2) has been trying my patients lately. I'm a stay at home dad, so I have to deal with him everyday. I know he's just going through one of those "phases" that I've seen him go through many times before, but now I'm dealing with it sober, and it's harder then I thought. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
Hey Brian, just wake up and decide to make it a "good day". Your son wants attention and you should be able to psych him out a bit with some humor. I was single dad, and my son was 2 when I began my sobriety. Enjoy it, it goes by fast. My son is 22 now and off at school. I miss him a lot.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 13th of September 2009 01:54:02 PM
Keep your chin up, lad! You know better times are just up ahead. You're in a difficult place in your program too with some apprehension around reaching your 6mth mark. It was a tense time for me. I had my 30th coming up a little before & I thought 'If I'm going to relapse I'd rather make it sooner than later' lol Pride there lol I didn't have to. I was asked & booked to do my 1st main share to celebrate my six months & it got me through another few days. Amazing. Keep up your good work. I don't have any children & I look forward to a future when I can enjoy the special gift of parenthood. I know our little ones are hard work & still I long for this unique bond & love that is shared in this family way. Enjoy Today, Brian. Prayers for you & your family, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
This was a great post Brian and such a help to me, I've just done two months and nearly went back out there this weekend. Yes I needed to hear what you had to say and it has really helped this suffering alkie.
