I had a chat with someone that is also coming up on a birthday or AA anniversary in the next 30 days, and we were talking about how emotional this month is. It starts out feeling just sort of different, then I realize that I am much more emotional and vulnerable in a good way. My subconsious remembers well the days leading up to the time with the Monster of this Disease finally being defeated, ONLY with GOD's Help, have sort of a photographic memory and I have this old picture, that keeps flashing before me, not a very pleasant picture to look at, but as the same time, brings me to my knees, in GRATITUDE, for I have not lived, (if you can call that living??)that way for a long long time now, and it is still very much just a one day at a time vigalence, of Help in the Morning, and a Thank You each night, to my Hiher power, that I definitely choose to call GOD.
So if anyone would like to write about the feelings that come up and the emotions they go through on the month Leading up to an AA Anniversary, would love to hear from you.
Thanks for reading and responding, (well if you do, that is)
Hi Toni!!! Well, I will very soon after you, be coming up on the month before my anniv. (Nov. 14), and for me, it is a very nerve-wracking time, albeit mixed with intense gratitiude. Nerve-wracking, because it is a good time to CHECK MYSELF as to what I am doing for my recovery. I have had 2 years twice before (and even beyond), and now I am coming up on 2 years again.
I have to inventory how this 2-year approach is different. And gratefully so. Other 2-year anniversary approaches went unnoticed, a sign that I was "out of touch" with the program, and what my daily duty to myself and the world is (stay sober 24 at a time).
What is different? I don't take my sobriety for granted today. And I am not specifically doing this for the purpose of compiling years upon years. I do it, finally, just for today. When I do it just for today, I don't get distracted. Sure, I want long term sobriety, but for me, that won't be possible unless I learned to STAY IN THE MOMENT. And another thing for me, is that I can't assume anything. Tomorrow's recovery is not promised to me. I have to make it happen through my HP's help in the rpesent. It has taken me 14 years worth of affiliation with AA for it to finally get SIMPLE, and for me to FINALLY grasp the 24-hour concept. Hard nut to crack here, eh?
I also am thinking about what got me here. Although it has been many many years since I was at my absolute worst, I have to travel down that road right now, and not forget one detail of my misery and hopelessness and suicidal plight. And recognize that I am so very much a newcomer here still, and have to HAVE TO remain teachable. Tall order for a controlling alcoholic with no power to speak of. But with God's help, and you fine people, I do have a chance.
Just for today..................
Love, Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Agree whole heartedly, checking on How am I doing now, that is the vulnerability part I was referring to.
I think for a lot of us, well speaking for myself, that the accumulation of time is so very different that anyone without it might think. yes I had a 10 year long stay in Therapy as well as meetings everyday, almost everyday for those 10 years, I could see that I had been sicker than others, and to get through this tough therapy, I needed to stay very close to the Program while doing this.
So looking at it from a different prospective, if it is truly a one day at a time program and it IS. then although there are changes that happen, but change is a constant anyway right. I see us all as Peers, some with different learing curves, some moving quickly up, some leveling off, for the next growth spurt, but as human beings, and Thanks to a very LOVING GOD, if we are really living, then we are constantly growing anyway, we never stop. There was this saying in Marin County, that staying "Green was always the goal", always loved that concept.
Have to say the only Anniversary I felt like I missed, was the day after 9/11, there were about 8 of us that went out to dinner in Mill Valley, followed by a chip meeting a few blocs away, to a very great resterant, but that year went by, no dinner, no meeting afterwards, but we shared the next year, how it threw so many of us off. WITH GOOD REASON. Still chokes me up.
Yeah...I keep thinking about Daniella with that Anniversary coming up on 10/1... Dang I wish I had more sober time than 11 months and a week. Okay...yeah I'm joking cuz Toni and I had this conversation and I got the feelings out quite a bit already. I just wanted to know what these weird ass contradictory feelings were about and thank god (as in AA is usually the case) there was someone with the wisdom to help me figure it out. Also Joni :) Take away T ad J and vice versa = Wondersobriety Powers! Not that the rest of you aren't the bomb too. Love,
Mark
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Thankyou for this thread, Toni. I love anniversaries for just about anything in general so to be able to celebrate one for my sobriety just about rocks my world. I have been enjoying this month immensely. I am so grateful to A.A. for suggesting that promises would come true. I learned & worked these steps initially to stay sober & to learn how to be more loving & lovable but I have had much, much more than I thought possible. The promises sounded far feteched to me in early recovery & I dared to dream they could come true. They are true for me today & I love having this message burning inside keeping my light alive.
Mark, you're wishing for longer sobriety makes me laugh because I'm sure you know you're right where you're meant to be & this is such a special time for you that the rest will come 1Day@aTime anyways. It's my experience to enjoy where we are no matter where because now with the little time that I have to look back & compare with, recovery changes & deepens so much that I am treasuring where I was before & how I got here so my suggestion for anyone in their first throes (or any throes lol) is to stay in & savour each moment because they soon pass & we change again!
Yes, I am looking forward to my Soberversary on the 1st & it is beautiful to be able to share this with Pinky too. I've been sharing for my life lately & enjoying what A.A. has given me. Without you all & my sobriety I would be nothing. Just for Today, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
