Dear Matisa.:)  Just a saying that I picked up somewhere. "It is much easier to hide behind the walls we put up for ourselves, to shut out all the hurt from the outside world that others can create for us."

 But do I wish to live behind those walls in all that pain and hurt from the past? or do I wish to risk and trust in those that have walked the same paths that Ive walked. That know what true love is, that do understand how I feel, and share the same thoughts and feelings on a daily basis?  Groups of people, that I can fully trust? Where there is no manipulation or bull crap? No games--nothing asked of you in return? Just people that have been in the throes of Alcoholism, and wish to live a better way of life? One day at a time?

The answer is yes.  I wish to risk it.

Since I have taken that risk and reached out part way to others in the program, they have reached back. I have been given love by others, and in return have learned to show that love in return.

In the first year of sobriety I went to three hundred and sixty five meetings. I didnt want to go to a lot of those meetings. I had to go to those meetings.

By going--I met new freinds--honest, down to earth freinds. I learned to open up and share how I felt. In return, they shared their feelings and experience, strength and hope with me.

I cannot do this on my own. Ive tried.

I can quit drinking for any number of days on my own--but I cant stay quit on my own.

I dont want to be alone behind those walls any more. And even tho there is always risk of being hurt, in my life, the risk is small compared to all the caring and love I get in return from the AA meetings, and this fellowship.

Do I want to risk again, and trust again, and feel human and whole?  You betcha.

Meetings and the people around the AA tables help me do that.  

Do it my way? Been there done that.  Dont like the loneliness and pain involved.

Try it our way. Youll never regret it.:)   With Love

I think for most people, myself include, walking into my first AA meeting was the hardest thing in the world to do. The thoughts running through my head were kind of like this..."What will they think of me? Do I have a right to be here? They will judge me...etc."

The fear of the unknown is always worse than the fears we know. But what if, just maybe, by trusting another it leads us to a fellowship of people that have no conditions, no expectations,who only want to love and help their fellow alcoholics?  What if, just maybe, by walking into that meeting I find that I am not unique in my pain and misery, that other people have hurt in the same way and can help me stop hurting? And what if, just maybe, I grow and find that I am helping others in a way that I never thought I could?

This is what I found when I finally walked through those doors.By opening up and becoming vulnerable to hurt, I found strength. By surrendering to God, I found that I didn't have to be controlled by alcohol. And by asking others for help, I found that I could help them also.

Love, cheri

God bless you,

when I came around here, i didn't want any friends, any hugs, and especially your love, I was incapable of caring for others so I sure didn't want you caring about me. just wanted to stop drinking and get my check home. room full of people, and i was still lonely. and that was at 4yrs sober and had done the steps twice. I am an african american male who lives in south central  L A , I found a meeting actually the meeting found me that is predominatly caucasion at first  ignorance lead me to believe i had nothin in common with these folks, as i learned they felt the same way i did, I surrendered myself again.

Dec 24 2001 my son was shot in the head in front of my house. left for dead, spent Xmas eve in a hospital in south central, after a very long night my wife sent me to that meeting where 150 people prayed for my son, then on Xmas day 75 of them showed up for me. had I allowed my head to run me out of that meeting, i would have missed that, my son would have too I love this fellowship

the son is 100% physically and mentally

so don't ever allow anyone to run you out of a meeting or this fellowship

this is a gift from god, so are you ! 

ya know even though they say people who are Alcoholics are sick on the inside or I prefer to say they hurt on the inside, I don't think that should give anyone the right to be unkind or hateful to others...  I know I hurt alot alot of the times but, unless Im attacted by someone else I will not say unkind words to anyone and even when Im attacted I still will not do that. I will try very hard to be as kind as I can,,,

Being Disabled in the way I am, people try to walk on my rights all the time. Its very hard for me, I get accused of things that arn't true.

such as at work, Im a very hard worker and do an excellent job, but people refuse to see that, they want to see the disabled person instead. I am also a in college right now, working on my bachulors degree in Education. I am maintaing a 3.4 average which is an A average that that is very good. However it is a never ending battle of people constantalty haveing doughts about me makeing it in college yet I hold a 3.4 average. I am a sophmore in college right now. no matter what I do no one see's me as I really am,,,  

I was very lucky in highschool I had very good friends who saw me through everything, They are people I will never forget And GODBLESS their little souls, I love them with all my heart!!! They got me through some very rough times. They were the most AWSOME people I have ever ment! I was very lucky!!!!

I now have one of those AWSOME people from highschool back in my life but, now I feel sorry for him because I have been through so much and I think he has put up with wayyyyyyyyyy too much from me,, I love him with all my heart though and I think I need help so that I won't lose this person as my friend,,  Im way too hypersensitive, its awlful, I will deffeintly go to an AA meeting, And thanks everyone for letting me babble on like I am and being so supportive.

Godbless!

matisa