Hi Everyday,

Well I sure see at first glance some things that feel like they are on the Positive side of any list you might want to make, and on that subject, sounds like you could use some time management worksheets,

I feel for you saying you really want your HP back, well I feel that could be accomplished in a simply gesture of getting on your knees, and talking to you HP
directly, and secondly how about a morning Gratitude List??

Purchasing a Home for yourself and your Son, in this economy, that is a complete blessing, all of the other stuff will just fall into place, and if you dont have time for a garden this year, well maybe save it for next year.

If I personally had a dog pooping on my bedroom floor, dont know where I would be putting him, but he would be LOCKED out of my bedroom, no matter what.

My take, your HP is just watching you in your struggles, and is waiting for you to INVITE him back into your life. He never abandoned us, we abandon HIM, and so easy to repair, in my opinion, as an example, God, I cannot do this, I need your guidance, and YOU most of all to re-enter my life, and bring me back to where I was when I was in Your Loving Care and Guidance.

My experience is that when I have ever felt that my HP was no in My life, I simply went back to a lot of Prayer of I Can't, HE Can, and I let HIM.


I made two major moves to homes that I purchased, and recall with so much clarity the role I fell into, it was on my shoulders to manage everything. Organizing, overseeing all the packing, and trasit stuff. so I can really relate to that sort of hyperness that you are communicating, well that is how I see it.

So I am hopeing for you dear that you seek your HP first, and let life on life's terms be what they are.

Let us know how you are doing, and Congratulations on your ability to purchase a home!

I can surrender to my HP again, more completely at any hour, minute of any day.

and I forgot to say, WELCOME, you might find this a great place to visit all the time. Hope you do. Many wonderful people here.

Hugs to You, Toni

Have to come back and add what BGG just asked you, where is your Sponsor, and what Step are you working on????

Throw yourself full force into that surrendering, with a Sponsor, and working the Steps, that will change all that you have written.

Wishing you the Best. XOXOXOX

-- Edited by toni baloney on Saturday 29th of August 2009 02:43:15 PM

Aloha Everyday!!

Sounds somewhat like what I've read lately call the "vacuum in existence".  Like
reaching the boredome, giveupitis.  I know this place also and I'm not surprised
to have bumped into you here.  We have the same side conditions with the
depression and the like and still no excuse to drink.  Because of the program I am
more inclined to seek help rather than going it alone like I used to and falling back
over and over.   You've done the right thing in coming to others.  Program is kinda
like Multi-level Marketing only different (lol).  We get a lot of other recovering
people to support our successful recovery.

Overwhelmed?..."Turn it over", "Easy does it", "Let go and leg God (and sponsor)",
"One day at a time",  "When in doubt?...Don't",  "Trust God...Clean house...Help
Others."

You're going into your second year of sobriety.   Celebrate your first and watch
out for apathy and complacency.  You haven't learned it all yet and there are tons
of miracles yet to come if you work for them.  It's good to have goals and plans
and vision and better to have these all with patience and acceptance. (Dr. Paul
page 449 of the 3rd Edition of the BB).

Keep coming back here and thanks for the headsup.  It's just what I need.

Hey Everyday.
I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv. As I understand the "Dry Drunk" label, it refers to abnormal behavior as a residual effect of drinking. It sounds more like you are dealing with the hard knocks of life sans' alcohol. You are doing great identifying the problems and reacting to them. Work slow but steady. Baby steps. I know that I would have already shot the dog, but thats just me. (That was humor) I would work on my HP first. Thats a tricky topic as everyones HP is different. Since you know one of the places your HP likes to meet you is on the deck in the morning, why don't you go there tomorrow with your coffee and a cigarette and pray and talk with your HP and ask for help and put your troubles one by one in his lap?
Good Luck
Tom

One other thing Everyday...I take meds for depression and anxiety. I self medicated alcohol with that for years. I used to cringe at the part of How it works when they said "some of us have grave mental disorders and their chances are slim" It does say they recover too with the ability to be honest...however, I wouldn't embrace the labels of mental illness too much. I know it's going to take some serious time to sort out what mental problems I really have and what was due to screwing up my brain worse with alcohol and never gaining appropriate copings skils and having any faith. More will be revealed regarding how much outside help you need. I just wanted to comment because you stated you suffer from "depression, bipolar, and anxiety" From a psychological standpoint...you cannot have both bipolar disorder and depression together because bipolar encompasses depression. I tend to overpathologize myself with the knowledge I have of abnormal psych...sometimes it is my worst enemy. Just a suggestion not to fall into labeling yourself with illnesses and problems that you might not have. You know you have 1 label that is for sure and that is alcoholic. The moods and cooky feelings might have been less then (in that first year) because you were focused on healing the alcoholism intensely...the moods and emotions are all tied up in the alcoholism too so try to keep some faith that as you work the program, those problems will lighten up too. That's just what I try to do as one of the million gazillion dually diagnosed alcoholics. I figure it's all a glob of disease and I need AA to work on it all.

Reading through your posts I actually felt a happy and excited feeling.  Is it possible to feel the same love in a forum as you feel at a meeting?

I can't wait for tomorrow morning for a chat with my HP. 

In no particular order..

pinkchip...Thank you...you're correct in saying the BP encompasses depression.  I'm happy to have the diagnosis.  I was devastated at first because I had a real mental illness.  Then with acceptance came grief.  The life lost to the highs and lows of BP Disorder.   I had to work through that one.  And like you I self medicated for years. I was in rehab for my first 6mnths of sobriety...that's where my BP was discovered.  Without alcohol it had a free reign....I was rapid cycling.  The highs were awful...I felt like I was taking drugs.  So glad to be medicated now.  You're right the medication isn't the complete answer it doesn't work 100% but it's one of those things that help to make my life more manageable.

Sunshine35...thank you for welcoming me...you come across as really jolly and upbeat...sobriety has that effect doesn't it? ;)

turninggrey...LMAO!  Best tip here...why didn't I think of that...I'll have to wait until it's dark so the neighbors don't see me ...and make sure it's the day before trash day...with the heat and everything I loved this line "you know one of the places your HP likes to meet you is on the deck in the morning, why don't you go there tomorrow with your coffee and a cigarette and pray and talk with your HP and ask for help and put your troubles one by one in his lap?"...the wording, everything.  It's just perfect...that really filled me with hope...can't wait for tmrw morning...I really think my HP will be there!

Joelo..thank you for sharing.  This is my first and only time sober except when I was pregnant...I'm so thankful I lost the urge or the taste for alcohol during my pregnancy...I can't bear to think what may have happened otherwise.  I've been a drunk since I was 13...that's 25 years.  I'm hoping that by reaching out to others I can avoid going back to alcohol.  I don't think that would never happen to me...I know it could.  I just know that reaching out gives other people an opportunity to support me and my determination and eases the burden.  I'm really glad that you're back!

JerryF...so glad you're not alone in this and neither am I...and with this fantastic forum and all the other things we do in our lives we have a much better chance of life long sobriety.  "It's good to have goals and plans
and vision and better to have these all with patience and acceptance. "  I really like that.  I'm going to practice it...thank you for bringing me back to that.

BGG...thank you for the encouragement!  "without the recognition that we have a problem -- drunk or sober -- we can't find the solution." Absolutely!  My mind has changed in so many ways since becoming sober and you've just reminded me of one of them.  Recognizing my problems is empowering!!  Just coming here and posting...in total surrender, I have found a strength in doing that.  Thank you so much.

toni_baloney...love the name...clearly an oxymoron You have said so many wonderful things...I have read and reread your post....This is fantastic!..."God, I cannot do this, I need your guidance, and YOU most of all to re-enter my life, and bring me back to where I was when I was in Your Loving Care and Guidance."... thank you for giving me the words.  And I will as you advised "seek your HP first, and let life on life's terms be what they are."


I can't tell you all how I feel now!  I have more than a sneaking suspicion that my HP sent me here and is probably smiling at me right now with a knowing nod!

Thank you all for showing me so much love and guiding me back to my HP!

Hi TG

It's great isn't it...feel it in the breeze on your skin and the noise as the wind blows through the trees.  Thank you for the prayer.  All this is making a difference.

Re Kitchen...I tore out walls...made dining and kitchen into one.  Tore up floor down to the sub flooring.  That's done so now I'm putting int the cabinets.  I went and did a bit on that today and I just popped onto here then I'm going back out to say to my HP before I do some more.

Once I finish getting the wall cabs up it's flooring...which is going to take me a lot longer to get since I can't do all the o/t I was planning on.  Then it's floor cabs which I already have.  Then it's oven, cooktop, fridge...which are going to take me longer to get because I can't do the o/t I was planning on...then it's back splash which is going to take me longer to get because.....blah blah...you get it?  It doesn't seem so bad now...I really have taken on board everything you guys said and I'm resetting my goals but I'm practicing patience.  I'm amazed at what I difference I feel!

Hey Everyday,

Put yer name in the Mass intentions book this morning at Church ... hope God is finding you well and content this day.

joelo

Great topic and great replies.  The coolest thing about talking with other alcoholics is that I/we have an understanding about eachother.   I can totally relate to your feelings of being overwhelmed, the feeling that the harder im working the the further behind i seem to be getting.  I'm getting better at realizing that the opposite of serenity is expectations, when my expectations are not met it's like i get on this treadmill that keeps speeding up and i get no where fast!!!  Congratulations on your home and remodeling it but also raising your teenager and holding down a full time job.   I know it's cheesy but you are blessed in many ways and by your posts you do appreciate life on lifes terms.  Good luck and God bless.