Thursday I was told by a friend that a mutual friend had died about 4 years ago, what of? Alcoholism. Liver failed. Leaves a wife and a step daughter and a mother. 3 people at his funeral. Where were all his drinking buddies? Where was I - I was a drinking buddy of his up till about 10 years ago, but I dropped him as a pal because I didn't drink like him.
My buddy knew he waas an alkie, but certainly he didn't want to stop.
My friend noted that I'd gone a bit quiet, I was saddened but not upset and after a bit more chat I told my friend that I don't drink no more 'cos it was killing me. We then talked about his brother and sister in law, who were drinking down a bottle of vodka each a day. Because as they told him, they wan't to stop but don't believe they can. So I shared my story, let's see what happens with that.
Eileen and I went down to see her Mum this weekend, she's 84 and has alzheimers and is in a nursing home. She was pleased to see us, but she's not independently mobile, using a zimmer frame and a wheelchair, so we took her out for the afternoon to the seaside, only 50 miles away, but it's where she has spent every holiday of her married life and then some.
It was a joy to take Nora back to Hunstanton, to walk her up and down the promenade in her wheelchair, take her for a cupa, do normal things and then to treat her to fish and chips in an air conditioned restaurant. Some times the smile on her face made my eyes wet, the sight of Eileen and her Mum side by side enjoying each others company fair choked me up a few times. To say Nora has Alzheimers, she was having a really together day, talking about the old times, how the landscape has changed, how the people have changed, never once complaining. At one point she even said to me to push her up to the motorbike park because she knows I like to look at the bikes and she likes to look too.
We took Nora back, got her settled in the home and decided to overnight in a B&B and come back the next morning for a couple hours, so we could clean her room, put some pictures on the walls and sort out her wardrobe.
Eileen and I got back aropund 8 tonight, where I had a message from a work colleague telling me that his Aunt and Father in Law have just died and could I run his meetings for him for a week or two, his FiL died of alcohol induced liver failure. Another one dammit!
And the point is? I was just thinking how if I ever end up like Nora, I hope someone would put me out of my misery. Now I think well, I should be grateful that someone would be willing to feed me, wash me, dress me, wipe my ass, talk to me, look after me and take me out. Why? 'cos I got a second chance and I grabbed it with both hands, not like the other two poor sods I mentioned.
It's been a long one but I got it off my chest and through writing it down like this, I get my head sorted and get it right sized. Thanks for listening.
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Wow what an emotionally charged and intense week end, just does my heart good to see how you handled all of it with so much clarity, and purpose in your Life.
From where I am at, yes you missed the meetings, calling it a very dry drunk week end, but as I see it, you were the Meeting. But then you are the only one that know how you feel, right.
Great, great work, and the love you exude to all, drunks or sober people, I salute you my dear friend.
Bill, I am sooo sorry for your losses of these friends. Be assured they more than likely wanted to follow the steps you have taken for your life. They just didn't 'trust' in themselves that they could do it and there was nothing you could do. You know this from being in the program. Grieve the loss of life rather than the loss friendship. Cherish the latter!!! (It is certain that there a fond memories of both these people.) Be grateful you have come out of the mire. And yes, as Toni mentioned, you're an inspiration that is helping others!!! Love and prayers for you friend, Wanda
That sounded like you are out of your misery. How great and sharp a picture you paint...not blurry and outside the lines like when we drink. Those are the kind of weekends I live to have and thanks Bill for sharing the process and the event also.
Truth is what we have been spared, thru the program and working it, many others will not attain; choice or not. Feeling compassion for them I have been taught here, is the most spiritual response. If I try to look at it thru my HP's eyes there is sadness and no shame. Alcoholism is a planet wide reality. I do my part how little it is and I practice compassion. We recently lost a 15 year old on another island, Oahu, to toxic shock. I express empathy and compassion at the same time knowing what that process is. She died completely empty, without a struggle, without a cry for or offer of help and she died alone. I didn't know her but I was her on several occasions. I am grateful beyond words. I can look forward to possibilities like you've shared here. Go figure...taking part of your weekend to 12th step and then bring it here. Special!!
Wow what an emotionally charged and intense week end, just does my heart good to see how you handled all of it with so much clarity, and purpose in your Life.
From where I am at, yes you missed the meetings, calling it a very dry drunk week end, but as I see it, you were the Meeting. But then you are the only one that know how you feel, right.
Great, great work, and the love you exude to all, drunks or sober people, I salute you my dear friend.
Thanks for a wonderful and inspiring Post.
Toodles, Toni
toni, the dry drunk weekend was some time ago in Edinburgh, not this one. This was a great weekend - but I did miss my saturday meeting! In fact my sponsee rang me to ask where the hell I was, that was nice of him, don't remember my drinking pals ringing me to see where I was.
__________________
It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
