What a boon to my heart & soul your words & intentions came to me today, Toni. My restless irritability & discontentness was rising within me here on my trip & I began a craving for my fellowship. I can't be away from any of you all too long. My need to be amongst fellowship keeps me close & giving gives me as much as when you share with me too.
Thankyou for sharing your recovery & therapeutic techniques with me. I must remember that those voices aren't mine & dissociate. That loneliness has been sneaking back & as it comes I will reject others around me in anger & hatred, like, 'I don't know you', 'you don't know me', 'I can't relate to you', 'you are boring me' & so forth in self-centred, selfpitying resentment lol I can laugh at it here written down but when it's ebbing at my energy it isn't funny & my trust in God or anything good, particularly myself, wanes away.
Thanks for being here to share these ridiculously lethal thoughts with. I needed to give the power of them away & feel fuller from the inside out & our connection has helped me with this ~ Phew! A reminder that my first three years are still very much to do with reconstruction & healing. I do & have always expected a lot of myself so have to ease off & remember the humility & patience that recovery teaches me.
It bothers me often but less so more & more that my life has been so fragmented & held back by oppression or defects. I know it is my alcoholism when I use my past life as evidence to berate myself. Everyday has to be a new & fresh chance to grow with an open mind as to wear & how it will lead. I always have to remember not to compare!
I can't write much more for the moment as I've pinched a friend's computer & lunch is here but checking in with you has restored & I will try to write something more in the next day or so. I will make the most of my time here. I won't be getting to a meeting or seeing Carl until Friday so sharing with you is a help to me a lot :)
Peace Out my dear soulful sister. Love to you loads, Cakecheeks!
Yours in gratitude & relief lol
Danielle Scouser Gurl xxx
__________________
Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Hi my friend, sounds like you are so very far from home, and looking forward to your returning to familiar territory.
I am not a good traveler either. Just looking forward to seeing you back here with your friends that ALL love you, as well as your meetings, and support YOU, sounds like you were in so much of that Step work, and how when we are in the "middle of doing any step" just can make us feel so off center. I sure did, and still do when I go over any one of them, well 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. Life time process. It is very re-invigorating when I do.
Hugs and I will send you another PM. By the way, your PM, was received, so it is working, just so you know.
Easy Does it, to quote you "ridiculously lethal thoughts" made me smile, so good to just get them out of you, and poof, there are gone.
Sending lots of Hugs and Love,
Toni Cakecheeks, haha, that is a new one
-- Edited by toni baloney on Tuesday 18th of August 2009 12:21:06 PM
