Just got back from the morning meeting and the picked topic was faith. First guy to share a previous sponsee who has long decided to do this program his way. Consequence over the last few years insanity, institutions and jails and he says he hasn't drank. This morning he share how close he was to it and invited anyone in the room to go to the back of his pickup truck, locate a new full bottle of Vodka and pour it out for him. (I myself would not have don't that for him) One of the members in the group left the group (We meet in an open park cabana) and went to the back of his pickup, found the bottle, opened it, poured it out and threw the empty into the garbage can. From 60 feet away I imagined I could read the lable clearly, I watched something I have never done for myself or thought I would or could do happen outside of me. I was stunned because it turned over everything I had ever been taught by my alcoholic sponsor and by my religious upbringing and I found myself sitting there holding my breath. I had a sinking feeling in my chest as a reaction and I shared my experience, strength and hope about how I got into recovery and the hand over hand journey it sometimes has been. I shared how my alcoholic sponsor (Guy B, sober 16 years, got sober in death) taught me, "never pour one out, never pour one back, and how that almost cost me my life." I did what I was taught and still am doing that as hopeful, faithful member of AA. I don't think I will ever forget the impressions from this morning and will always be grateful to my God and AA for them. You can never ever predict what will happen in a meeting of AA and how it can save your life.
That's whack...and confusing. Not sure what my reaction would be. On the one hand, I really feel like AA is there for those who want it and my reaction would be to have the guy take someone with him and pour it out himself. Lesson learned being, he needs to do it for himself (with help from a higher power). Also sounds kind of like an attention ploy and clinging to misery to get that close to a drink...torturing self and then come to an AA meeting. If he has that many reservations and problems...that is when the "Go out and drink and see where it gets you" thing might have popped into my head. A solid 1st step is not having someone else pour out YOUR alcohol. Surrender needs to be complete and an inside job like everything else in AA. But then again...you did say he was working the program HIS way....Interesting post Jerry.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I like that response PC because It is one of the justification thought processes I have used before and it is also part of what I used this time also however I have to always remind myself "have I been wrong?" especially when it comes to how HP uses HP's intruments. Friday morning the would be relapser was at the morning meeting and the member who tumbled out his bottle wasn't. The present member looked like he was having a rough go of it but handn't drank and able to notice that while the man who tossed his bottle wasn't there the rest of the membership was to continue his support. Its easy to imagine him not being there. I've seen soooo many others die as a result of not doing for themselves what HP was available to help with. I don't try to figure it out any more I work on how it affects me. thanks for the response.
The day I went to my first AA meeting I had 5 beers in the fridge and a few oddball booze bottles with a little bit in them. After about a week sober, I poured it all out. Not really to be dramatic, nor even to say I'd never drink again. I just didn't want it there, and it wasn't exactly a vintage collection - I knew that I could get more any time I wanted it. Little did I know, 20 1/2 years later I still haven't gone back out and gotten more.
I've now been married 37 days... a new clock is ticking! I was sober the second half of my first marriage, but this is the first time I ever entered into a marriage sober to begin with.
