OK, so how does thing from so far back, seem to come back to bite you in the ass? We want to lat the past be the past...make amends and move on. It doesn't always work.
I think with PTS, Bipolar (which came first?) Maybe I'm just crazy?
I'm doing OK. Not drinking, dealing with my relationship issues, ect... Still in my head, I deal with so much more, with nobody to vent to. I do have a sponser, but I need more. Just looking for ideas, not an ass kickin now...
I'm not saying I'm close to drinking, I'm an "alki" that goes without saying. It really isn't an option, I'm home for the night, but I do need to sleep. How does anyone else with this, clear their heads to sleep.
Going 3 days without sleep...How to clear the demons??
-- Edited by MDC on Monday 3rd of August 2009 09:42:51 PM
In reading you're post the thing that comes to mind is the 3d step. Turn your will and life over to your're higher power along with all the other issues. Work the serenity prayer and ask God for the courage to change the things you can and leave the rest to him. Focus on the things you are grateful for.
It's proven, if you turn it over, don't drink and do the next right thing everything is going to be OK.
I realized that when I take on all the "stuff" I can't handle or change at the moment, I'm back to being my own higher power who of course is an "alki".
I've been where you are and it's no fun, but there is nothing better that the calm and peace you can find in the 3d step.
Take Care,
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Yes, Mark.. Questions, Questions ;) Sleep deprivation? Yep, that'll be asking them all too. Be good to you & rest awhile. You do work alot of hours. Besides my female fellowship & when I'm effectively sharing & offloading with them I do find that a little quiet time with a pen & paper really helps too. It's a good way of gauging where you've been & how far you've come in your recovery, Mark. It's so common to go through alot of change & it be so slow or become so automatic that we don't even notice. Writing this stuff really helps to reflect. It also helps us to notice when we have patterns occurring. At least, I have definately found that true for me too & very often it helps me to realise what questions to ask, what answers may be coming & maybe having further insight into sneaky defects I could be surrendering or learning more about the opposite of. I don't know where you're upto in your program but keep on keeping on, Mark. It will stable out for you & get easier in time. You're building a sober identity with each victorious day 1 at a Time :) I hope this helps a little. Thinking of you in support. Yeah, you're still not alone ;) Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
OK, so how does thing from so far back, seem to come back to bite you in the ass? We want to lat the past be the past...make amends and move on. It doesn't always work.
I think with PTS, Bipolar (which came first?) Maybe I'm just crazy?
I'm doing OK. Not drinking, dealing with my relationship issues, ect... Still in my head, I deal with so much more, with nobody to vent to. I do have a sponser, but I need more. Just looking for ideas, not an ass kickin now...
I'm not saying I'm close to drinking, I'm an "alki" that goes without saying. It really isn't an option, I'm home for the night, but I do need to sleep. How does anyone else with this, clear their heads to sleep.
Going 3 days without sleep...How to clear the demons??
-- Edited by MDC on Monday 3rd of August 2009 09:42:51 PM
prayer helps, it really does. Give it a go. Just the act of going to a private place and speakign aloudhelps to quell the demons. Put the stuff in the god box and remember that what you did while drinking that you don't do know was a product of a sick mind taking over.
You say you have nobody to vent to - is this work related stuff? Or family / personal stuff? Can you get counselling, another support network or group? (My wife is in Social work, they're lucky in that there is the availability of peer support, another mate is a copper (Policeman), their support network seems to be shut yer gob and keep drinking. I know which route I prefer now.)
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
what's your caffeine intake look like? Usually when my head is racing and I can't sleep, too much coffee, diet coke, iced tea had something to do with it. Look also for relaxation techniques like listening to soft music, taking a walk after dinner, enjoying a hobby...
I would agree with the above recommendations. All good suggestions. When I finally surrendered and became willing to work the program the rest feel into place. My sponsor always told me and he was correct, if I didn't drink and kept doing the drill, things would work themselves out and get better. They did and then some.
I stay emotionally and spiritually fit by: AM prayer, practice the steps on a daily basis, regular meeting attendance, speak to my sponsor daily, talk to other alcoholics on a regular basis, try to help other alcoholics and PM prayer. It seems like a lot, but it's really not if you make it a priority and part of your life. I wouldn't change it for anything.
From the above, I don't know what I could remove and still stay sober, happy & free; so I keeping doing what got me to the point I'm at............
Your emotions and thoughts are going to be all over the map for a little bit mark. Just know that it's okay and you will get more peace of mind and clarity the longer you don't drink. You just took your #1 crutch for dealing with emotions away, you are going to feel crazy for a bit until you learn other ways to cope in your head and in your actions. Accept it for what it is (early sobriety) and that might help too.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
First feeling a little confused, I do know what Bipolar is, but what is pts? If by any chance you are talking about PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, well for this moment I will assume that is what you are referring to, ok, if I am wrong about my thoughts on pts, then ignore what I am about to write, Ok? I was diagnosed with Severe PTSD in the late part of my second year, and it was suggested, and strongly so that I enter in Counseling. That process of getting in and facing those "demons" with the use of hynosis, and years of the talk therapy that went with the work, finally came to a conclusion, but it took many many years. With PTSD, theTraumas are burried deep into our subconscious mind, and they have to come to the surface, if we are ever going to be FREE of them.
The practice of Praying, and learning how to use that Practice was very critical to me. And from what you are writing about, being in your head so much. When I finally surrendered completely to the Program, and what felt like almost a crawling position, I begged God to remove my chronic need to fill up on alcohol. And Mark, with those Prayers that did continue, daily, (and just like you, I was still "in my head" so much of the time. When I looked back at how God was living and working in my life, to not pick up a drink, i said to myself, well now I need to Pray daily for Help with my Thinking, and that helped too.....after a while it became for me, God Please help me not drink, and then Please help me to not Think.............and my head started quieting down a lot, not completely, but I would go again to that 3rd Step Prayer, and ask that question again, and again.
I held on closely to that Slogan of "My mind is just like a real bad neighborhood, you should never go there alone". Early recovery and thinking was not too pleasant, and I noticed that when in a Meeting, I would shut down my thinker, and really listen, and that is where I learned how to practice that.
The first year is never easy for any of us, a very bumpy road, mood swings always, like they say, it gets better, then worse, then back to better and then to just different. Emotionally, like white water rafting, and just keep holding on the the side of the boat and BELIEVE that the waters WILL smooth out, They do, if they didn't do you think any of us could have gone on like that for very long, I know I would not have been able to.
So if you feel there are some things you cannot talk to your Sponsor about, my suggestion would be, to tell him anyway about the things you would not be comfortable talking to him about and ask his advice on maybe getting some outside help. Sponsors, that is what they are there for. Simple put, he would tell you truthfully if what you were speaking of was outside of the scope of what he can help you with.
Sorry you are having such a rough time. The early years in Recovery for me were not easy, but I did all that I could to just not drink, no matter what. And learning the Practice of Praying. Do you have one of those little black books, 24hours a day, I carried that with me always, and sometimes, even when working, I would go into the ladies room, to re-read the Thought, Meditation and Prayer for that day. That book has a Prayer for everyday of the year. It was my little Bible throught the early years. Sobrietyspell Post those Thoughts, Meditations and Prayers up at the top of the page, everyday, but I would suggest to you that you find one, and try that out, it really really might help quiet your mind. It shifts our thinking in a very soothing way.
Love and Hugs, Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Tuesday 4th of August 2009 03:08:43 PM
Aloha Mark..."It comes with time" was what I was told. "It" meaning recovery... meaning not drinking and suffering the consequences of drinking. "It" also meant the recovery from not trying to think my way out of an "acting" situation. For me the program (my new way of living) became a "doing" and not "thinking". I did remember an early saying that helped me out tremdously, "this is a simple program for complicated people." I did agree with that as I watched more relaxed members "walk it" with smiles on their faces and not frowns. The slogan "EASY does it" means, for me, don't complicate it. When I find my mind over working or working a situation over and over I stop!! and deflect it to something simple; the Serenity Prayer, the collapsed version of the steps; "Trust God, Clean House, Help others." I also focus on gratitudes alot. I have trouble sleeping also. I don't diagnose it and I use for now medications. Might you look into meds? A lack of sleep for me can tear up my attitude and also turn a mole hill into a mountain. While I have simple things I can do that are productive...I can and will end up doing nothing at all except increasing guilt at the end of the day at inventory time. "I can't think thru a problem with the same head that I used to create the problem." That was another axiom I learned and accepted.
Make a list of the suggestions you got in this thread and check them out to see if they are helpful and positive. The ones that are not...save for later. The ones that relate...follow up. You might also be going thru "the dry" period.
