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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Daily Reflections ~ We Become Willing . . . & 24hrs a Day
Post Info TOPIC: Daily Reflections ~ We Become Willing . . . & 24hrs a Day
Sobrietyspell


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Daily Reflections ~ We Become Willing . . . & 24hrs a Day
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At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS , p. 77

How easily I can become misdirected in approaching the Eighth Step! I wish to be free, somehow transformed by my Sixth and Seventh Step work. Now, more than ever, I am vulnerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self-satisfaction, which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed, is not my true objective. I become willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire Gods will for me.

 

3

. . .TO BE OF SERVICE

 

Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77

It is clear that God's plan for me is expressed through love. God loved me enough to take me from alleys and jails so that I could be made a useful participant in His world. My response is to love all of His children through service and by example. I ask God to help me imitate His love for me through my love for others.

 

You are now reading from ~ Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

We in A.A. must remember that we are offering something intangible.
We are offering a psychological and spiritual program. We are not
offering a medical program. If people need medical treatment, we call
in a doctor. If they need a medical prescription, we let the doctor
prescribe for them. If they need hospital treatment, we let the hospital
take care of them. Our vital A.A. work begins when a person is
physically able to receive it. Am I willing to leave medical care to the
doctors?

Meditation For The Day

Each moment of your day which you devote to this new way of life is a
gift to God. The gift of the moments. Even when your desire to serve
God is sincere, it is not an easy thing to give Him many of these
moments: the daily things you had planned to do, given up gladly so
that you can perform a good service or say a kind word. If you can see
Gods purpose in many situations, it will be easier to give Him many
moments of your day. Every situation has two interpretations -- your
own and God's. Try to handle each situation in the way you believe
God would have it handled.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may make my day count somewhat for God. I pray that I
may not spend it all selfishly.

Hazelden

(Let it be a God or Higher Power of your own understanding)



-- Edited by Sobrietyspell on Monday 3rd of August 2009 01:31:18 AM

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toni baloney


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Hi There Danielle,

THANK YOU so much for your 24 hour a day Postings.

When I was reading your work with the 8th and 9th Step, silly me starting humming that little Christmas gingle, Making a List, Checking it Twice.....

Ok, humor time is over with :)

When I had completed my 8th Step List, and starting going about setting up appointments, this Making Amends took me allmost a year to complete, and I saved the Most difficult for last. It was to the father of my two children, and it was the hardest one by far. He was never a very demonstative person, but I said what I had to say, apologized for the pain that I had caused, and as I had been warned by Sponsor, it does not matter if you see forgiveness in their eyes. I had cleaned up my side of the street without any expectations. We had lunch for about 2 hours, and maybe at the end of the first hour I began to relax a little, I had a lot of things that I had to say, and I had said them. So we said good-bye and I really never got a feeling from him of forgiveness, more sort of a look of confusion, like he would have to take some time to really take this "in" and of course I told him this was an important part of working the 12 Steps, when he asked about the nature of our meeting..

But the Silver Lining to this was about a year later, I had a Memorial at my house for my Mother who had died. Right at the time that I walked over to cut the cake for the Memorial, all my family and of course my first husband's family were there too for our children, to honor my Mother's passing.

He Made a big point of standing up, and walking over to me, and putting his arm around my shoulders in a very warm and loving way. I felt everyone was happy, this was signaling to both families, that the long cold war that had been there for so so many years was OVER. That felt so soothing and it was a physical signal of the forgiveness. We seem to always run into each other, but now we waved and smiled, big smiles.

We used to talk a lot about these steps in our Homegroup, and in Step meetings, it was taught to me that the principle reason for doing these sometimes difficult tasks had really nothing to do with whether we saw acceptance or forgiveness in their eyes, just our clearing our own side of the street, once and for all.

Thank you for this Post and for all that you let us know - about what is going on in your life too, always love to read your thoughts.

Hugs and Love, Toni

-- Edited by toni baloney on Monday 3rd of August 2009 06:58:58 PM

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Sobrietyspell


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Thank you, Toni xx that really helps :) I received a very similar heartwarming story from someone over here in our Liverpool fellowship. Hers took a few years for two of them & then life seemed to present situations afterwards that made the amends to have been just at the right time somehow. I've been sitting on a big one for me for so many months now & besides my family & exes (of which this is one too)  I can't say there have been consistantly amazing outcomes but then that's not true as my flagging gratitude can tell me at times lol

I am terrified to make this amend. Not even the swallowing of pride but fear of the disappointment I may feel if I don't get it just right or that it's received with the height of disdain. I experienced so much humiliation when I left that situation & how it dragged out afterwards because of my selfish, drunken antics, etc that on a deeprooted level I am so reluctant to experience any of that hurt & shame again.

Me putting my hands up & saying 'yes, I was an inconsiderate arse & quite frankly there is so much to apologise for that I am deeply embarrassed'. I was such a mess. An emotional mess, yet, at the same time I have resistance because on some level I guess I'm still resentful of him.

I have to be strong & have faith that my releasing him from the chains of this old anger will free me too & help me love others all the more deeply. It's not just about him, is it? It's about how much can I melt my Ice-queen heart to say I'm sorry (even though I so deeply am)

I'm sorry because maybe on some level I must still love him? (This thought hit me a few days ago) What do I do with that? I'm sorry that I made such riduculous errors of judgement because of who & how I was at the time. If I'd come to this program sooner maybe our relationship would have been different but then maybe the cracks would have appeared elsewhere.

I have to trust that it was meant to happen exactly as it did & that everything I learned even if 'posthumous' was meant to come to me as it was revealed also. This hurts. It's so deep & I'm frightened of unexpected outcomes. How can I have unconscious deeprooted feelings for another while I love Carl so dearly?

I need this amend so much. Probably much more than the person I'm to make it too & even this need confuses me as I have been selfish enough in the past without benefiting from this too. Jeesh my complicated heart. I know when it is done, however it is done, I will have allowed my Higher Power to change me.. Again.

Feedback is welcome :) Danielle xx


-- Edited by Sobrietyspell on Tuesday 4th of August 2009 10:01:28 PM

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