Last night at the homegroup, we read the Doctor's Opinion, and it occurred to me that my body will NEVER CHANGE, so far as how it reacts with alcohol. I know, some are porbably thinking, "It took you til NOW to realize this??????" LOL
But there is a passage that really went from my head to my heart, on p. xxvi Fourth Edition... "confirms what we who have suffered alcoholic torture must believe- that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind."
Wowee.... I began to think of it on different terms last night.
I though about how through certain activities and processes we CAN change our thinking, emotions, and patterns of reacting to things, but we CAN'T change certain physicial things. Think about eye-color. I have green eyes. I could wish to have blue eyes, and try therapy and working the steps and mind-over-matter type stuff, but no matter WHAT, I cannot change my eye color. My eyes will NEVER EVER be blue, no matter what.
I had to think about the fact that my alcoholism is like my eye color. It cannot be changed, on the physiological aspect. It is as permanent within my body as my DNA, my blood type, etc. I can take supplements to change what is floating around in my blood, but I cannot change my blood type. Or my eye color. Or my inability to process alcohol in a non-addictive way. Period.
My sponsor also pointed out at the meeting, that when her non-alcoholic husband has 2 beers like twice a year, he is ready for a nap. When she has 2 beers (not for 18 years!!), it was like an amphetamine, and made her hyper and "ready-to-go". And this will never ever change.
For anyone struggling out there with the First Step, once we come to believe this about ourselves, that it- our disease, is a part of our physical makeup, it can become easier to really solidify the idea that we cannot ever control our drinking. I really liked having this realization in a new way, and thought I'd share it.
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Yep, I agree 100%, just part of my DNA, cannot change it any more than changing our DNA.
Before I quit for good, with the compulsion being so strong, it was like my entire being craved the alcohol, not only my mind, but all of me physiologically. Or maybe it was my mind (what was left of it) that was craving it for the phyical.
"Once you are a Pickle, you can't go back to being a cucumber"
The cruelest part of this is the liver fluctuations that occur in the practicing alcoholic. One night you could have 10 drinks and manage pretty well, the next night 3 put you into a blackout. After that point (and several others along the way), it's not safe to drink and you never know what will happen. Scary stuff, like waking up in strange places with handcuffs on and injuries...
I was one of those that beer made me stay up all night. I think that I'm a borderline hypoglycemic.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 3rd of July 2009 07:40:34 AM
