Thirty days sober today, first time in about twenty years. Things are pretty great. However, I've hit a bump. I'm pissed and continually irritated with everything since Sat. morning. I feel resistant to using all the tools in place for relief, so I'm writing this just to say it outloud. Pisssed and irrritated. Can't seem to get to all the things in my life that need addressing; the things to do I've put on hold while I've allowed myself time to detox. For example, need to address an accounting negative in my checkbook, among other things. Have not and will not drink. Know everyone else goes through this. Thank you for reading. Trying not to wallow in self-pity and avoid depressing thoughts. Reasurance desired. XXXOOO, Angelov8
Congrats! I had about 23 years or so of drinking, probably had some longer periods of sobriety in the first few years of it but after that - no. So about 3 months ago I was just about exactly where you are. Have since lost my job, but gained some hope in my life. Still haven't cleaned the house. Or "cleaned house" either Stay close to AA, try to get in a meeting every day if you can (or more) and that will help you (at least it's helping me). Get a home group and a sponsor as soon as you can. Especially a sponsor. I have had 3 sponsors so far in 2 months, because I didn't choose well the first couple of times, but that's ok. Better to choose one quickly, and then if they are not the right one for you then you'll know what you're NOT looking for in a sponsor and that will help you find the right one. In the meantime I got some good stuff out of the first two sponsors anyway. Good luck!
Glenn
-- Edited by FlyingSquirrel on Monday 29th of June 2009 12:13:40 AM
Thanks Glenn for writing back; it helps. Luckly, I haved hooked up with a great 1st sponsor. I've been so pissy I won't reach out. Have gone to the reading (AA) materials before bed. Feels like I know what to do but just feel annoyed and alternately emotional and weepy. Might try some more aggressive prayers and meditation. Definitely a meeting tomorrow. Missed my home group on Friday night and went to the first meeting I would term dissapointing that morning. I admire all of us who showed up but the meeting was lame. Don't care for the physical room much either. Everyone sat miles from eachother, the whole thing was very different (in a negative way for me) than the regular meetings I go to, even though the various ones I like are distinct from each other too. Well this kinda triggered my bad mood, along with spending time with those loved ones in my life who still drink. Despite enjoying the company, probably will only try activities strickly w/o alcohol as completely as possible.- Of course I'm surrounded by drinkers and drinking so I've had to have a good perspective on my own program in relationship to this. I guess it all added up and I feel emotional about it all right now. Thanks again for listening.
-- Edited by angelov8 on Monday 29th of June 2009 01:48:08 AM
This moodiness you speak of is to be expected. It's okay. You are doing great. Others need to check into rehab and so forth for months (which is also okay). Worrying about stuff that you know you will take care of is a waste of time. I don't know if you are a list-maker, but someone advised me to make a list of tasks that need done just so they wouldn't take up space in my head. I could worry for a whole month about some minute task that needs to be done NEXT month. Crazy. So, basically just like you don't need to drink one day at a time, you don't need to worry either. You are going to take care of everything just fine. Also, I'm sharing this from my own painful experience...don't go searching too much for reasons why you are angry, sad, irritated. It is great to acknowledge those feelings, but we are so used to living in our own self-perpetuated chaos as alcoholics that we (at least for sure I) will create chaos where there is none. Your mind will make up crap to worry and be upset about more frequently for a while because the disease wants you to give in and drink over what would seem to be intolerable feelings and thoughts. Keep fighting the good fight! Give yourself a pat on the back and keep assuring yourself, as we are rooting for you and each other!
Mark
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Stay close to AA, try to get in a meeting every day if you can (or more) and that will help you (at least it's helping me). Get a home group and a sponsor as soon as you can. Especially a sponsor. I have had 3 sponsors so far in 2 months, because I didn't choose well the first couple of times, but that's ok. Better to choose one quickly, and then if they are not the right one for you then you'll know what you're NOT looking for in a sponsor and that will help you find the right one. In the meantime I got some good stuff out of the first two sponsors anyway. Good luck!