My twin sister has been in and out of prison/jail for the past 25+ yrs. She is alcoholic/addict and everything that goes along with that while living on the streets. We (her family) rarely hear from her unless she is back in jail and needs money or stamps, etc. About 2 yrs. ago she applied for SSI and she is currently in line for a hearing of her case. It looks as though she is going to receive a back payment of about $14,000.00 sometime this fall probably. She is currently in state jail for prostitution and is scheduled for release July 20. Our parents have both pretty much written her off and will not help her in any way until/unless she helps herself by admitting herself into a long term treatment facility. I have been appointed spokesperson for our family and relayed to her the feelings we share regarding her situation. I found a treatment facility for her about 45 minutes from my home that requires she stay at least 6 months. She refused to go at first but then realized she had no other place to go and decided to accept the application. I returned the app for her and am now waiting for word as to whether or not she's accepted. I told her that I would pick her up in Houston and bring her to the facility in San Antonio if she is accepted. If not, I will try to find another.
I don't trust her at all. I have little confidence that she will complete the program and this is the last and only help I can offer her. She is very sick and extremely street wise.
To add to this, my brother who is also alcoholic, just called and asked me if he could come visit me for a bit to get away from his situation which is too long of a story to go into here. I told him that he was welcome to come for a visit but there was no alcohol allowed here and he was welcome to come to meetings with me. He agreed and said that it was time he addressed his drinking problem and would like to go to meetings with me.
My thing is that all of this is too much for me. I feel like I have a full plate with work, getting back in the program and just taking care of me at this point. I'm whining here I know. I have in the past gotten so caught up in taking care of others that I easily ignore or deny the need to take care of me. It's easier to take care of someone else than it is to take care of me. I am aware of how I have used this in the past to avoid the work that I need to do on me. I do not want to allow that again.
If I had the energy right now, I'd scream. I am very irritable, restless and discontent and I cannot wait for the meeting tonight.
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There is nobody you couldn't love once you've heard their story.
Don't stress yourself out too much. Perhaps you should take a weeks or even just a day or two off of work to get yourself together. Go visit your brother and see how he is doings. As for your sister, I agree that she should go to treatment. I'm here to listen.
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You have to live life to the fullest because you don't know what you got till it's gone.
Most of us have caretaker tendencies. My first sponsor recommended I also attend Al-Anon. I don't know if that would work for you, but they do deal with a lot of the same issues you seem to be facing, that sense of obligation to people when the healthy thing to do is set boundaries.
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"God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
It is a family illness and it seems in your case that is very true. Karen, I think it's a slippery slope for you to be doing anything other than listening and trying to be there for them via phone. Find a sponsor fast if you can and that person can ride with you if you take your sister to her program. If you have your brother stay with you and he starts drinking...even if he does it outside of your house and then comes back to your place inebriated, that will throw you for an even bigger loop. You are exactly right, this IS too much for you to deal with (on your own). I know what it is like to constantly be helping helping and never taking time for yourself or not even knowing how. It leaves you feeling empty because you don't have the serenity to help them from a place where the outcome isn't going to hurt you. Someone told me that good works without faith are dead. I had the HUGEST martyr complex coming into AA..."I always help everyone else but nobody is there for me!!" That's mostly cuz I was never there for myself. And I am STILL struggling hard with this so don't think I've got it all worked out. I always equated caring less about others and more about me as being selfish. Having to relearn some things. While I was busy trying to be Mr. Fix it alcoholic I had no true friends, no spirituality, and no life. That's who I was and who I'm trying to break free from. With that said, you aren't alone.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
It sounds like you know what you need to do. First things first means your soberity is the top priorty. One of the best things you can do to help your brother and sister is to stay sober and provide a good example of how our lives and relationships improve.
My brother has been in and out the past 1.5 years and finally has 90 days! But for the grace of God!
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I think you should be selfish in this situation. Do what YOU need to do first. The rest will work itself out. It's hard to not help others out, I know. But what I try and remember is, they made it this far, they will find away to make it farther. With or without staying with you. It's okay to say no : )
Sounds like you have gotten some sound advice here, I can relate to who you are, as for as your sister goes she does need the help and well you did what could do for her. I hope for her sake she gets into that program, if not and it doesn't work out well you done your part. Let go and let god, doesn't mean you don't love your siblings, just means your doing the do things and well it always helps to get back in to looking after one self.
Your brother sounds like he's considering the program, introduce him to the rooms of AA and if he slips up well that's not on you either. You could only make suggestion, others have to start somewhere.
I do hope you get to a meeting, sounds like your sitting a good example if your brother's thinkin about his drinking habits, and your sister well I do hope she fellows throught with her end of it. If not life does continue and you can said you tried, but she's got to take responisibilities for her actions.
I know that "To Thine Own Self Be True" has saved my butt so many times. But none of us here can tell YOU what your truth is.
I know that there are things I could not do for others in sobriety, simply because I would be putting myself at risk, either for relapse or for nervous breakdown, or both.
I would say that anything you decide to do, you are going to have to do without expectations. Those are what will kill the whole thing.
On the other hand, the Al Anon in my life, who was told time and time again to leave me go, and detach, knowing that I too was in the EXACT same position your sis is in, and that I was "streetwise" and had burned everyone in my family time and time again over a 10-year period, this Al Anon refused to give up (while also being a drill sergeant so to speak) and now here I am. FINALLY. She had a good way of being very "wise" herself, while doing only what was not "enabling", and throwing my ass out of the "help" circuit when I was not adhering to some very strict rules while under her assistance. I hated her, and she knew it, but I had no choice but to bend eventually, and I must say now, thank God for that woman that I love so much. I hated her for eons, but she was very instrumental in saving my life. Even though she did not do things the perfect "Al Anon" way. But it seemed to be taking years off her life at the time.
All this depends on what YOU can handle. It would not be a bad idea to hit an Al Anon meeting, and/or counseling for some good advise. Not only that, but a long talk with your sponsor.
I hope you can get through this, and do what is right for you, and remain whole during whatever process you choose in which to deal with these other alcoholics in your life. I will definitely be praying for you and thinking of you. This is indeed a lo for you to be going through, and you have our support here!
((((hugs))))
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
