I went back tonight, my first meeting in 2 years. It was a step study and this week it's step 10. Perfect.
I recognized a few of the faces but nobody recognized me. I prefer it that way, I needed a low profile for this first meeting back. I hadn't been to this particular meeting in about 5 yrs. My old home group is 40 miles away. I think I'll go sometime this week if work allows.
They'll be starting a newcomers meeting the first week in july. It's for anyone with less than a year so I'll be going to that too.
If felt good, it was a great meeting and I did feel very much at home.
It's almost 3am, I just woke up and decided to post here to let you all know I made it back. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support and prayers.
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There is nobody you couldn't love once you've heard their story.
Thanks Mike, I love the support here and need it so badly right now. It makes all the difference!!
You know it's strange. I don't think about drinking every day. I am a classic binge drinker and it's really hard to maintain a program in my situation because my denial can kick in really strongly.
I can go for a few months at a time and not drink but I can't go for even a few days at a time and not think. It's my thinking that's all messed up. I get frustrated so easily, I put myself down, I get so lonely, I get a serious case of self pity and then I drink.
And boy when I drink, I DRINK - I drink fast and I turn into someone I wouldn't want to know. I hate it.
I have never had that hair of the dog drink, there is no way I could stomach that. But there have been periods in my life where I drank every other day - one day drunk, the next hung over, the next drunk again. The last time that happened was about 3 years ago. I remember when my kids were young that I'd schedule Dr. appt.'s or other important days around my drinking. I honestly went to the calendar and checked which days would be hangover days and those were the days I'd take care of any kind of appt. I still can't believe I did that and at the time I was trying to get my husband to stop drinking because he drank everyday.
It is most definately cunning, baffling and powerful and I need these meetings to keep me sober one day at a time. I am afraid of this disease and I know the progression. I want more than anything to be sober today, to live sober today. It's only been by the grace of God that I still have a job, a home and a license and a car. I have a very real feeling that a serious fall is just around the corner if I continue on this roller coaster of binge drinking.
I won't drink today and I'm going to a meeting tonight. And tonight I'll introduce myself and get a 24 hr. chip. I didn't last night, not sure why. I just sat there and read and felt safe and at home.
Thanks again everybody - this truly is a life saver.
-- Edited by karen on Tuesday 23rd of June 2009 10:27:12 AM
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There is nobody you couldn't love once you've heard their story.
Good job Karen. Let these people get to know you. I'd get there 10 minutes early, stay 10 minutes late and introduce myself to at least two people per meeting. Asking for a service position (making coffee or setting up) will anchor you and get people to know you. Everybody love's the coffee maker.
Karen, Awesome! I'm glad to hear you'll return to a meeting tonight and let people know where you are at. I feel most spiritual and well when I think I'm in the middle of the pack. Today, I don't have much of a drinking problem, but certainly have a thinking problem that can lead me right back to a drink if I'm not vigilant in my recovery. I have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Please keep us posted on your recovery and progress.
Great idea, thanks. I'll do that. Also, I think I'll take a traveling day and visit some of the old meetings I used to go to. I can get 2 meetings in between noon and 8pm and still be home by 9. I love seeing the old timers again, it gives me such hope. And of course, it's like coming home after fighting a battle alone.
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There is nobody you couldn't love once you've heard their story.
I knew where the meetings were in this town because I'd been to them before but I'm not real fond of meeting new people - it's just always a chore for me. I got real lazy about it and got drunk. It's clear to me now that without the program, I will eventually get drunk. The thing is that it gets easier after each meeting and I always forget that. I forget a lot of things when I don't go to meetings.
I am within driving distance of my old home group and I will be going when time allows but for now I'll attend the meetings here and I'm sure in no time at all I'll find them to be my new home group.
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There is nobody you couldn't love once you've heard their story.
Thanks Joni, I've been the last 3 nights and of course it gets better and better. I used to attend this meeting quite often about 5 yrs. ago. I was recognized last night and again tonight by some regulars. Talk about coming home! And I picked up a 24 hr. chip last night, read How It Works tonight - almost cried.
They have a newcomers meeting on Mondays and I'll be going to that for sure. It's for anyone with less than a year which I have, again. I need a sponsor and I need to get busy on the steps. In the meantime, I'm reading the Big Book - practically sleeping with it - and praying and praying and praying, reading my meditation book each morning, taped a note to my bathroom mirror that says, 1)Choose Sobriety 2)Pray for Gods will for me; Serenity, Courage & Wisdom 3) Read Big Book - Pg. 86 morning and night 4) GRATITUDE! 5) Meetings, Meetings, Meetings.
My beloved Big Book, it's been loved so well, the cover is taped on and the many colors of highlighters shows me how many times I've studied and devoured those blessed words. It's 10 yrs. old now and is my most precious posession.
Man it feels good to be home and I know it just keeps getting better. I am so incredibly grateful for this program and my fellow ex drunks.
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There is nobody you couldn't love once you've heard their story.
