In February I decided that I wanted to apply to our national police force. This would require me to write an exam, fill out reams of paperwork, do the gruelling physical exam, interview, polygraph, medical exam, psych exam, background security check and final assessment. After that, 6 months at a police academy. At that point they can post me anywhere they want in Canada. All in that order. I am 49, married with kids and own a home so this was a big decision to say the least. After discussing this with my wife, I decided to proceed. I wrote the exam and passed, filled out all the paperwork and was then given a date for the PARE (physical exam, check it out on youtube). I had to take up running and had a month to prepare. The whole process takes anywhere from 8 to 13 months from start to finish. I did the PARE last week and passed. I was thrilled. I got a call yesterday from my recruiter who had a concern about one of the questions I had answered on a pre-polygraph questionaire. I indicated on same that I had an impaired driving charge 27 years ago of which I was punished for at the time. She asked me if I had obtained a pardon for that criminal record. "Huh? What's that I replied" For the remainder of the conversation, which was devastating to me, I remained as calm as I could. Having my file closed for one year for this just didn't seem fair. A pardon takes anywhere from 1-2 years to obtain. OK, mybad for not knowing this stuff but come on. You know the feeling you get when you feel that you have been wronged? Victimized? For me, it is felt in my stomach, my heart races and emotionally I feel panic and rage at the same time. No matter what proactive solutions I offered, none were acceptable as "it is our policy" God, give me the serenity.............. I am proud of myself for not lashing out, remaining professional, understanding my emotions, not allowing the "poor mees" to consume me and a lot of other non productive behaviors to take over, which in the past would result in me getting shitfaced. That is why I need to work my program. It does work, if I work it. I get this proven to me in many ways and I believe the promises. I am far from perfect and don't have to like the things that come my way but I'll be damned if I'll drink at them!!!!!
scott
__________________
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
Wow, Scott. Believe it or not I can identify with your situation. I was in nursing school to become an RN, and halfway through is when I discovered that the nursing board in my state would probably not give me a license due to some old crap in the past, not even felonies. I came home after talking to an attorney, and sank in my bedroom and cried. I had worked so hard. I was at the top of my class and chosen to be the class president, the liason between the nursing students and the faculty! I did not drink, as you are not, but I was full of rage and anger, and feelings that it just was not fair! Do you know how many nurses starting becoming addicted and even commit felonies while already licensed, and they get a slap on the wrist? I thought it so unfair that they would not license me, with misdemeanors, for which I had long since done my time and been sober. (There were a few over a course of years, which poinsted to a "high risk of recidivism".)
What I did in light of all this, what seemed like the ONLY next right thing for me to do without going insane, was to, the very next day, go out and find a similar occupation, a similar program of study. I studied Phlebotomy, Surgical Assisting, and EKG Technology. I now amd certified in all of them, and working in the same field, just with a different bunch of letters after my name. And it is not only very fulfilling to be still working to medically help people, but I realize now after the fact, that the stress would have been exptremely counterproductive, had I had the responsibilities involved in being an RN these days. Just wasn't for me, and I guess I am where God wants me.
Think about something else, right away, that you would like to do. Maybe firefighting? Security? Even counselling or something? I know it is not your "dream" to do these things, and that you had your heart set on being a cop. But there is a plan for you,r est assured. And after a time you may actually understand why God took you in a different direction. I know that I realized that some of my "consequences" don't just go away because I am sober. It sucks, but it's true.
I hope the best for you, and that you "stay on the beat" and find out right away what else is waiting for you, where you will not be denied because of your past mistakes. Don't let the disappointment eat you up, Scott, just change directions and try to accept this as not being God's Will.
Joni
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
27 years ago, and a misdameanor, right, and when you said you have done the "punishment of that" are you certain that that did not automatically "Pardon you".
If you have to wait for that "pardon" it would be so very devastating, mostly because it occurred 27 years ago, we are talking about more than a quarter of a century ago. I would feel like pulling all my hair out at that thought. But that would not help, I would just be a bald sober woman, lol.
You live in Canada, so the laws must be so very different, but here, when someone has a DUI, does the work, gives up his driving record, then I believe the whole thing stays on your record for so many years, but it does eventually fall off the record, so to speak. I dont really know if I am speaking fact here, or just what I believe to be true. Maybe, for example here in California, the Birth of the MADD organization, thats Mother's Against Drunk Driving. They were the small group of woman that came from California, and changed all the Laws, and saw to it that getting a DUI was not something any longer that was not a big deal.
So I sure hope that that punishment that you said you went througth qualified for a pardon at that time, are you sure that is not the case??? Am thinking now that she did ask you the question, did you receive a pardon? right, so before just giving up on this I hope you will check out whether you did in fact receive a pardon, after that "Punishment" phase.
But your question, Is My Program working? You are a living testimonial to that fact, that is for sure. The Program is certainly working for you my friend. We can handle some very devastating stuff and stay sober.
Hope so much that we hear from you about the above. Please let us know, ok.
Hugs to you, Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Wednesday 17th of June 2009 08:14:34 PM
Hey Scott, apparently they want their candidates for the Nations most important cops to have a clean criminal record, go figure We all have to deal with our "wreckage of the past" from time to time. It's some weak sauce for sure but I guess it's like running for high office, you went for the exposure. Well one thing is for sure, in 1.5 years you'll no if you really wanted this or if it was a passing fancy. Truly sorry for your let down, but at least you got in good shape out of the deal.
Hey guys, thanks. I knew you could relate totally. Policy can suck but we have no choice sometimes. I do need to go thru the process of getting a pardon and it will take time but I am doing it. I spoke with the head of recruiting today and he did offer some hope, in regards to not closing my file. That was cool. I totally get that they are monitoring my reaction and attitude towards this obstacle and I'm responding with prefessionalism and demonstrating problem solving skills. It is a game of sorts. In the meantime, I will look for other opportunities ( I like your direction Joni). I find that we get more self worth, more tenacity and more confidance as we grow in sobriety. We spiral downward during our tenure in addiction, then once we grow spiritually, we see things more clearly and can rebuild. I often hear that God won't give us more than we can handle and I'm starting to buy that. It's all about how I perceive things, glass half empty or full? I can't change the things that are coming at me but I can change the way I feel about them, which will ultimately dictate how I handle them. It's hard work to constantly remind myself ot that. It's a simple program, not an easy one.
peace everyone!
__________________
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
Awesome attitude, Scott!!! I am so happy to hear that you have some peace about it, and also that you are seeing this for what it is, a challenge in PATIENCE and professionalism. Good stuff, and you should give yourself a big pat on the back for not having too big of a "meltdown" over it. We have worked too hard to let a spike in the spokes ruin our serenity. You are very open-minded, and that is half the battle, right?
You GO!!!!
Joni
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
We all have to deal with our "wreckage of the past" from time to time.
