No sooner than we had a conversation here about pain/back prob's, my back goes out yesterday, the pain taking my normally 110/70 blood pressure up to a whopping 150/98!! So, the HP has me sitting here on my butt for the day, worrying about work (some crap has hit the fan lately.... I have a crappy attitude there right now which I need to work on too).
But this is a good day to reflect. First, let me say that my Dr. who has been caring for me for about 10 years through relapses, hell and high water, actually did the inthinkable and prescribed me Vicodin in case things get REALLY bad and painful. I gave the Rx to my Al Anon aunt, even though I have never been addicted to pills or that kind of thing. I know these things are yets, and could get me into trouble if my stinkin' thinkin' were to get ahold of a bottle of that stuff. I am not in THAT much pain by the Grace of God. (And I hope not to get there.) In addition, I would pretty much have to be writhing on the floor foaming at the mouth and bleeding out the ears for my Al Anon to fill THAT prescription!! LOL Thanks God for Al Anon. And another good choice I believe, provided by HP through the wisdom of folk in AA.
I only work 2 days next week (boss out of town... AGAIN... yippee), and husband will be out of town all week, and since I will probably not be painting the living room now as planned, I am planning to sit down for a few days and re-work the 12 Steps on Paper.
Not on computer, I have found that at least for me, the temptation to get on Amazon.com is too great when facing "where I'm at, and what direction I need to head right now" in sobriety. I know the Steps are probably going to reveal that I do need to begin giving it away a little more than in the recent past. I love to come here both to learn and to share some of my own lessons and struggles, but there is nothing like person-to-person support going on before or after the meetings. Even the most well-intentioned of us can make hte excuse in our minds that we need to be the last one in the doors, and the first ones out. "Busy life, you know..." Bullsh**. Knowing this stuff, and actually getting it down on paper and sharing it with my sponsor (as well as whatever else comes up), makes me ACCOUNTABLE. And that is what I probably need right now, a good dose of accountability and humility.
Have any of you out there gone through the steps again after the initial process lately? If you have lately, please reply and share your ES&H with me. I'd like to hear what you took from it.
Thanks, Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
God, how I hate pain!!! It sucks and I know that is why the narcotics exist. I fell victim to the subtle seduction and blamed a few surgeries for my relapse, which followed the pills. I didn't have any alcohol or pain meds for 12 years prior to that. If there is another alternative for pain treatment, I'd recommend it! As far as the steps, I find that revisiting them always teaches me something new. A fresh look yields different slants sometimes. Having some "me time", getting interspective and focusing on step 4 can only produce positive results. Good on ya! Treat yourself to some good eats and some exotic smoothies along the way!
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
