I have been battling some bouts of depression, and when they are there, in comes FEAR.
I have always tried to use that old truth saying anaolgy, that Faith and Fear CANNOT co-exist.
Then the battle begins, every circumstance in this world, no matter how big or small is simply in God's Hands. And we live with that and accept that on a daily basis, right.
We can only work on that "inside job" that is our own responsibility. I have been doing some talking to my HP, who I choose to call GOD. and will leave it at that.
Sometimes in recovery, we hit a rock, stumble on it, and have to get up, dust off, and start over.
I am simply writing this out on this MIP Board to get it out in the open, and out of me, so to speak.
I have this very beautiful Cross next to my bed, that I acknowledge every night. and take a brief inventory on how am I doing in the Trust God, Clean House and Help others catagory. Some days or rather nights are just better than some.
But here I sit, with so many awesome days of recovery in me. Never ever do I ever take that one for granted. And when that thought finally comes around, the deep Gratitude that I owe to my God, I seem to fall asleep with all my worries left on that little table, next to that beautiful cross.
So perhaps I am rambling some, but anyone what to share about how they deal with Fear and/or Fear and Depression when it comes along and gives you a good wack once in a while, how do you take it on, use Prayer? use the Third Step Prayer, that is one that works for me too, at times.
So thats enough out of me. Hope all are having a great sunny Sunday.
Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Sunday 14th of June 2009 07:34:50 PM
I came to understand that depression is anger turned inward and fear is the absence of faith. I also inventory my life when negative feelings seem to be taking rule especially anger, rage and intolerance (?). Those are my biggest hurdles and I am always open to feedback and ESH on them.
Speaking from a professional standpoint, anxiety (fear) and depression are so tied together that researchers can't even create really good labels for the different clinical syndromes. They have now come up with a category called mixed anxiety depressive disorder... Not to pathologize you cuz really what you are describing are normal dimensions of sadness and anxiety (i think) and not clinical ones. Nonetheless, I think you keep doing what you are and it lifts faster and faster each time I guess. You helped me a lot yesterday, while evidently feeling depressed. Pretty amazing. I'm grateful for you.
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Jen, yes any fear needs to be replace with FAITH, have to continue my efforts.
Jerry, funny sort of, last week I was not depressed, but angry for a day or so, and noticed that I did not feel the slightest bit depressed. and that works out really well for me, cause I can look at any anger I am holding inside, and see that it is there, because I am not accepting something that needs to be accepted. and for the most part, I really enjoy the times that I feel anger, cause I feel it so seldom. I use my kitchen cabinet door, open it wide, let my anger go down into my left arm, and slam that door so hard that maybe even my neighbors hear it. And the anger is out of me. Poor door though, maybe have to start using another one, before the hinges come off.
And Pink, thank you for saying what you said about yesteredays response, we never ever know how we are preceived, do we?? The anxiety/sadness combo seems to fit. and feel it brings up this feeling of not understanding exactly what the emotion is.
So this morning is AOK, and the reason, I opened up, talked about what was going on, on the INSIDE, and had some very loving friends really listen, and offer some loving advice. Truly Amazing how we do this thing called Recovery, TOGETHER, AND can watch any negitive emotion losing ground and falling away. Thank you all, for your words.
Better than any antidepressant in the world, or doctors advice, just alkies sharing. and getting better, every day.
Hello Toni, I have missed talking to you. Been busy but that is no excuse;right? I hope you feel better now. I know for me when I am not craxy busy doing something I find that is when I feel the depression creeping up on me, the sadness, the question "What am I supposed to do now" looking crazy walking around my appt for something to do. LOL Anyway I like my walks and my talks and this board so that I can get some type of release and feel peace that I have all of you. So thank you for you post. Hugs-Carla
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Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!
