Hello to all of you, I just wanted to share how I was feeling about my sobriety. Well I feel great, I have 17 months on June 15th and can honestly say have had no cravings, I have actually had it pretty awesome. I know for me this time versus all the other times that I tried to get sober and stay that way, omg it was so hard for me all the other times, the panic attacks, the mood swings, constant cover up's, all the lies I told, wow that felt good to say all of that to you guys. When I last went into detox; my boyfriend of 10yrs took me there, I knew that if I didn't get sober and stay that way, he was going to leave, he couldn't see me do this to myself anymore. My son Austin was going to be taken away by his father if I couldn't work something out. Scared? that's not even the half of it. When I went to fill out the paperwork, they made me do a breathelizer test and guess what folks? I blew .38 and had wanted my boyfriend to stop at the store before we went in. Crazy, I know. Anyway for me this time, again-sorry, I went back into the room that I would be in for 7-8 days and put my bags up and laid down and covered up. I lay there like a child all balled up and began to pray like I had never done before. "Please God help me, take this from me, I can't do this anymore I'm going to die if I keep it up." I mean I just begged and prayed until I feel asleep. After that first night I did not hardly have any shacks (very unusual for me) and I really did not feel that bad either; I promised both of us though that I would be staying in there for the whole time this time, no more shortcuts. I guess why I wanted to share that is because without this program I would never have the peace and serenity that I have now. I love my life, my future, my family. I'm getting to know them all over again and they are getting to know the real me again and I gotta tell you it feels great. I'v done all my steps and do I think for the most part practice them daily. No more broken promises or empty ones or lies, I don't need to do that anymore. If anything I am a little to honest if that's possible. LOL. Anyway thanks for listening and thanks for letting me post here, hopefully this all maked sense at least to a few anyway. I'm so content with my sobriety, I let it guide me instead of me guide it, it seems that works better for this alcoholic. Bye...Carla
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Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!
Thank you, Carla. Do you call yourself Sacrifice because you've sacrificed everything that you were in return for everything you are Today? It seems fitting because all of your shares are about complete relinquishment of self & handing it all over. Sweet & utter surrender. No fight in you. An honest trust. It's lovely to see & then to have the gratitude you have for everything you have, well, it's just wonderful. I can see that you let the program work you. It might work this alcoholic well too if I let go a lot more! What more do I want?? Perfectionist to the core lol I am learning how to Let Go. It is Ace :)) Keep coming back & stay sober with me Today ;) Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Hello Danielle, I at first called myself sacrifice without even knowing why, it just came to me. Since then I have seen a tatoo on a marine's neck that said sacrifice and my son goes to a private school and for about 8 months before I got sober and stayed that way, the whole school, teachers, students, even the parents of Austin's friendswere getting together and praying for me. I had absolutly no idea this was going on. I think in a way he to sacrificed something for me as well, he prayed that I would get better along with everyone else. The word "Sacrifice" in the Webster dictionary states 1. the offering of something precious to deity. 2. something offered in sacrifice. 3. to accept the loss or destruction of for an end, cause or ideal. As far as me givin it to God, and moving on. If I had not had that mind set, I truley believe I would be somewhere lonely and lost. The suffering I have had to endure over all these years is over, I have said my apologizies, I've cried, and yes I have keep to myself somethings better left unsaid and that too shall pass away one of these days. You are right I am extremely grateful to have what I have today, but I also know that I did not get all the way to the bottom to lose a lot either; having said that I will also put a YET, behind that sentence for you because there is not a day that goes by that I don't remember how I felt those last few months, all the people that I hurt(mostly family), I will always be an alcoholic and will always be looking over my shoulder. Thanks for letting me think hard this a.m. I can't sleep so this was great to do. Have a good one to all......--Carla
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Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!
great story, keep up the good work. can you tell us (we have a lot of new people here) what your meeting schedule looked like in the first year and now?
Honestly; as far as my meetings went when I first came back in they were daily(I had my work schedule fixed around my meetings, and they knew where I had been, so that made it easier I think.) I was never a big phone person but I could get in my truck and drive to a meeting, if only to listen. Lately my meeting have been few and far between, and there really are no excuses but if there was mine would be having to finish all my school work, which is the truth. That's why I searched for something out there(all of you) so that I could go online when I needed something and be able to share with you guys when something is on my mind. I think (for me anyway) you have to be willing to give it all away EVERYTHING or I don't know, it was just all or nothing with me and I chose to jump in with a clean slate, and I am so....grateful. Thx guys----Carla
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Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!
Danielle, I just wanted to comment to on your post earlier. It is so easy to just let go, pause, look around and see what you see. I simply do the things that I need to do daily for myself and my family, I take what comes and I never ask for anything from God. Things you will find will start bouncing off of you. Just breath......Bye
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Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!
