I have spent much time on here commenting on others' experiences, but have neglected to say much about my own journey in sobriety as of late.  I am now on day 251.  When I came to this board, I believe I had just over 60 days.  This past week, I started chairing the first beginners' meeting I ever went to.  I also told my story for the first time on Saturday.  Both of these things were things I was fearful of doing earlier on in sobriety.  When I shared my story, it was in the same meeting which was the second meeting I ever went to.  I didn't spend much time planning what I would say.  I know now that agonizing over such things will send me into a tailspin in my head which is not a good place to go.  Someone not in the program asked if I was taking notes on what I would say and I just stated "I don't have to, I lived it."  So, I sat there and just let it rip.  Despite having all this anxiety, still large amounts of self-doubt, moments of self-hate, and frequent shitty committee moments, that story just flowed out of me like I was on autodrive.  I think maybe God was with me during those 30 minutes. Chairing meetings is a bit more challenging.  Afterwards, I sometimes get caught up in dumb thinking about if I screwed up or how I sounded.  This is getting less and less the more I do it and also as I realize it's about service and NOT ABOUT ME!  Anyhow, people came up to me after telling my story and stated I was "a miracle" and many commented on how different I was and how much I changed from the person that walked into those rooms crying, scared to death, and totally depressed.  It felt good to hear those things, but my evil mind kept telling me "you didn't change that much" and "they are just being nice."  When I finished telling my story, I stated that I came into AA knowing how badly I needed to change from this nonfunctioning scared little boy (one who could egotistically believe he had answers for others to run their lives but couldn't manage his own at all).  I repeated something my sponsor told me in the beginning when he asked me what AA was all about.  Of course I came up with the wrong answer at the time.  He told me it was all about CHANGE.  I then stated, I am a work in progress, I am trying hard to change and there is still much work to be done.  I also stated what has worked for me, which is finding a sponsor on day 6, being brutally honest with myself, my sponsor, and in these rooms even though it's been painful as hell at times, doing 90 meetings in 90 days (actually closer to 130), putting myself smack in the middle of AA instead of on the fringes, setting a rigid meeting schedule and never making excuses to not go, taking phone numbers and reaching out to other alcoholics to expand my support network, to feel "part of" and to learn from them, and also trying to gain understanding of (and working) the first 3 steps as best as I can. 

As I was sitting outside after the meeting, a homeless drunk man came up to me reeking of alcohol and sipping from a cup that clearly had alcohol in it.  He asked for a cigarette and I gave him one.  He proceeded to ramble on about losing his bag with all his stuff in it and sleeping behind a nearby dumpster.  I empathized (feeling weirded out), but all I had to say was "This clubhouse is a great place to come when you want to get sober"  It now strikes me as some very strange "God stuff" that this happened at this particular time.  I told my story and then was quickly reminded right afterwards what awaits me if I take steps backwards or start drinking again.  Anyhow, that's where I'm at with my 8 months and 1 week sobriety.  Struggling some, little bits of "pink cloud" here and there followed by WTF was I so happy about? and then wacky funks.  I've been around AA long enough now to know things will just get better.  Thankfully, they are undoubtedly already better than they were.

Also, thank you all for being here for me and helping me through this all.  I am so grateful for this site and those of you on it.