I've been in denial for some time. I know that. I keep telling myself that I don't have a drinking problem because I don't drink every day, but I'm finding that I am starting to drink when I have to work the next day - when I used to only drink on weekends. I have also realized that I can no longer just have one beer for the sheer enjoyment of the it - one leads to many and as I have read here, I no longer drink just for the taste, I drink to get drunk.
I have lived with an alcoholic - my dad - who is a friend of Bill's and is almost 30 years sober. His alcoholism had a huge impact on me and I told myself that since I grew up knowing what I never wanted to be, I never would become one and here I am all these years later. Not sure how it happened, but it has.
I lost my older brother almost 20 years ago to alcohol and 2 years ago, my brother-in-law and I'm scared that the same will happen to me.
I am so sick of feeling crappy after drinking - like this morning - and I'm tired of telling myself that I will never do it again, only to find myself feeling the same way a few days later. I want to get off this merry-go-round - I'm sickntired of it!
Thanks for reading my ramblings and for being here.
Hello ST and welcome to our board. Have you called your local AA intergroup office (number located in your phone book) or look for a meeting schedule online in your area/gone to a meeting? If not, I would highly recommend that you do so asap, as alcoholics and addicts change their mind (about whether they have a problem or not) pretty quickly. Right now you have a window of opportunity, in which you are in the mind set that you want/need to do something about your drinking problem. Get after it with all your heart and soul, because that's what's on the line here.
Welcome to the board. Glad you've found us. I know just what you mean about knowing exactly what you didn't want to happen, and it happening anyway. I think it's fairly common!
Welcome to MIP, D. It sounds to me like you're ready for a new way of life & that's what sobriety is. Maybe you can't imagine a life without alcohol right now as it's all you've known for such a long time & I can relate to that but I can also relate to you how amazing life is now WITHOUT alcohol. As Dean says, the nature of the illness is that we're not always guaranteed to desire to get well or even the chance as tragedies occur all the time, physical illness or accidents & next thing you know the choice is gone. That's my fear when I think of taking that first drink. I could fall & even knock myself out stone dead. Something even as simple as that.
I remain aware of that because for me, maybe I'd get away with some time drinking before I ended up back in hell again but compared to what I have now.. The first sip would be hell. A plummeting into spiritual suicide. That's how great Sobriety is. When you get good at it & it does take practice to live sober, life just keeps on getting better. All the things you never got to do become from pipedreams to life goals. It's wonderful. Getting a home group & close with a same sex sponsor will guide you into learning how to stay sober. It's a fantastic journey. It sounds like you have had enough & it doesn't have to get any worse. Wishing you the best. Keep coming back :) Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
What you have written is no "rambling." It may just be the wisest few paragraphs you ever wrote. While you may have alcoholism in your genetics, it may be of solace to recognize you have successful sobriety through AA in your blood too, as well as a very powerful example of how it works....even though your journey is your own and your father's has been his.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
