My name is John, I have been clean and sober since 12-21-1989. Thanks to both AA and NA, 3 great sponsors (through out the course of my almost 20 years of recovery) and a God, who was absolutely of my misunderstanding when I first arrived in the rooms, I have not found it nescessary to take a drink or do any other mind altering substance since.
In 1998, (10 years into my recovery )when I started building this website, adding a chat room, message board, etc. to it, I had no idea where I would take it, or where it would take me. I was in so much pain from two herniated disk in my back, that I could not ride in a car to a meeting, without suffering for hours afterwards. So, I opened a chatroom online where I could at least interact daily with other recovering alcoholics and addicts. I was like so excited and will never forget the first person who entered the chatroom. We spent probably 4 hours sharing our experience, strength and hope with one another. In 1999 I was finally able to get back surgery. However, as a result of the post surgical exam, it was discovered that I had a 2 inch diameter mass in the upper lobe of my left lung. In 2000, I ended up having lung surgery. Then in 2001 I blew out 5 inches of blood vessel in my brain. Without going into alot of detail, I must simply say that at 10 years sober I was suffering the physical ramifications of drinking and drugging for 20 years. Today, simply because of this program, a God that is willing to make repeated investments in my well being, and without a doubt Miracles In Progress as a whole, I live an absolutely great life, a life I did not earn, one I do not deserve.
From 1998 until today, Miracles In Progress has held me up. Not only did I have to undergo all the medical surgeries during this time; I had to end a relationship, my mother died, two of my aunts (both in their 60's) were murdered on the same day in Florida, my sister was murdered by her husband of 22 years in Va, my best friend died of cancer, even my little dog, James Dean, a Maltasse died of parvo.
Immediately after my brain surgery in 2001, DMV took my drivers license, saying I suffered so much brain damage that I would never be able to drive again. I ended up selling the piece of poop I called a car to someone in recovery just to have some money. So, from 2001 until 2003 I was unable to drive, unable to work, being taken care of by friends who allowed me to sleep on a single mattress on their kitchen floor, next to the washing machine and dryer. My life was over. It was never going to get better than this. Even a pitiful disability check, didn't help. What I got in it, was so little it just equaled another disability. Drinking and druggin' wasn't looking like a viable option but suicide was. In 2003 I screamed at God, yelled at Him, cried to Him. "This isn't life, this isn't living, why did you let me live? 90% of the people that suffer a blow out of 5 inches of blood vessel in their brain are dead before their bodies hit the floor, why would you do this to me? Let me live? Living like this isn't a gift! Death would have been!" I sobbed hard that day, and while doing so, I remembered the ABC's of AA. C, hit me like a ton of bricks. C. God could and would if he were sought.
Within days, I started to witness a Miracle In Progress, the magic of recovery. (continued on next thread)
-- Edited by John on Monday 8th of June 2009 08:20:51 AM
Thanks for posting, John & thank you for MIP which has allowed all of us to be of service to each other. I know it's not strictly speaking A.A. & I've wondered whether adherence to the traditions of A.A. would mean I didn't come here any more in favour of working for G.S.O. but there were times in the past, in earlier recovery when I resented A.A. & wanted to drink or at least leave & find some other way to stay sober or not as the case may be.
I don't know how it would have turned out but the fact is that I needed something & somewhere that I could reach out to a share about my feelings for A.A. & to somehow have a kind of impartial support that would not take offence to my resistance or be affected by my opinions. I was hurting & Everyone@MIP stepped up & gave me exactly what I needed to endure, prevail & return to what would essentially be my only hope of staying consistantly sober.
If I hadn't have had MIP maybe I'd have given up on A.A. For this reason I stay here & why I enjoy encouraging others to find & stay in the rooms of A.A. We can only do this together. My craving to drink has been hightening & I'm not sure where it's going to end. I'm touched that you've taken this moment of all moments to arise & share everything that you've been through & how you've not taken a drink. That truly is a miracle because the way I'm feeling right now.. It is only every touch I'm receiving of the Divine that is keeping me sober.
Touches like the kind words of my friends here@MIP & the friends I've made in Liverpool fellowship too. We are not alone & I'm so grateful for everything that is shared here. You've facilitated quite a community here & I'm proud to be a part of it. I've also enjoyed sending Xmas cards to your recovery houses & it's amazing when you told us just how many the residents all got. It is a miracle if any of us can stay sober cuz this is a killer disease & so many never get the message. I don't want to be one of them.
I'm glad you're not one of them. Just for Today. Thank you for being here & sharing your story, John. I am grateful for you. Well done in coming through all that you've experienced. You're truly inspirational & a Miracle in Progress. Thank you, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I was offered a job, as a counselor for homeless families with minor children. It was part time, and the hourly pay wasn't much, but I was grateful to have it. I was able to take some test for DMV and get my drivers license back. With my "pitiful" disability check I was able to buy a Jeep Cherokee SUV. I met a woman, through some friends, who 3 years later would become my wife. While we were dating, I saw a trailer on the side of the road with a for sale sign on it. I turned around to look at it. My girlfriend said, "John, thats a motorcycle trailer, you don't even have a motorcycle! After buying it, she said, "You need to go back to your doctor and see if they didn't wire your brain wrong." I explained, "It's worth, 550.00, I bought it for 350.00, I can sell it for 450.00 and make 100.00 dollars." After buying it I was left with less then 100.00 to my name. The next day, while buying some two dollar videos at a pawn shop, I saw a machine. It had 399.00 on it's price tag. As I was getting ready to leave, the clerk, shouted, "if you want to buy that, I will sell it to you for what we have loaned out on it." He was pointing on the machine I had looked at. I asked, "what is it?" "A pressure washer" he replied. "What does it do?" I asked, and he explained, you can wash your house with it, clean your driveway and sidewalk with it." I asked him how much they loaned on it, he punched a few keys and replied, "150.00". I went home and told my girlfriend about it. She laughed, "John, you bought a motorcycle trailer yesterday, and don't own a motorcycle, and now you are talking about buying a pressure washer and you live in an apartment, with a dirt driveway! Besides that, you don't even have 150.00 to buy it with." You might want to let your doctor know the kind of decisions you have been making, something isn't right with your brain." I called my sponsor, told him, "I can buy a pressure washer worth 400.00 for 150.00. If you would loan me the money I can sell it for 300.00 and pay you right back." He agreed to help me do this. After picking it up, taking it home and while trying to figure out how it worked, a man came up to me and asked how much I charge to pressure wash homes. He worked for a real estate company and they had 5 properties that needed to be washed. I explained to him, I bought it to sell it, but would look at the properties and if it was something I felt comfortable doing, I would give him a price on the job. That week I made over $1000.00 squirting water at these homes. My motorcycle trailer was converted into a equipment trailer and on it went everything needed to pressure wash peoples homes. That year, I made a six digit income, over 100,000.00 dollars. With a motorcycle trailer and a pressure washer that I had bought for the purpose of selling and making 200.00 dollars profit combined. I worked and earned my way completely off disability. Obviously, God had a different plan for these items than I, and put the opportunity to get them in front of me. I just thought I knew what I was going to be doing with them.
In 2004, I got a phone call. A man wanted a home he had just bought pressure washed and had gotten my number from a friend of his. I went to the house he was wanting cleaned. As we stood in the driveway taking, he kept saying things like "easy does it", keep it simple, first things first". I asked him, " Are you a friend of Bill W.?" He smiled and said, "yep, been sober for 10 years now". Without any forethought, I asked him, "what are you going to do with this property?" He said he wasn't sure if he was going to lease it or just fix it up and sell it for a profit. Out of no where, with no premediation came from my lips, "why don't you lease it to me for 3 years and I'll turn it into a recovery house". Without batting an eye, with no hesitation, he replied, "Okay, I am willing to do that, I can have it ready by the first of next month, will that work for you?" It was a done deal. Miracles In Progress Recovery House #1.
That winter was a cold one. After the house was full, I was getting several calls a day from alcoholics and addicts wanting to recover, and needing a place to live. At Christmas I had six more people in it than the group home permit allows. I asked God, "help me out bud, you know I need another house". I sat down at my puter, looked at the classified ads, and one house stood out. It was the only one I had to call. I called and spoke to a man who said, he couldn't make the decision if it could be used as a group home, his sister actually owned the house, he was just showing it, but his sister might be open to the idea because her husband is a member of AA with 30 years sobriety. I asked him to explain to her what I needed the house for, and see if she is willing to call me. Thirty minutes later, I got a phone call. It was his sister. She lived 2 hours away. "I'm on my way there to show you the house, and in case its one that will work for you, I'm bringing the lease paperwork with me." The house was fabulous. Large. Five bedrooms, 3 baths, fireplace, detached two car garage, in a lovely neighborhood. And to boot, she was leasing it to me for three years, for the purpose of a group home, for less than what you can rent an apartment for. Miracles In Progress Recovery House #2.
Pressure Washing had expanded to include painting; work was plentiful, the recovery houses were filled with men who were serious about recovering, willing to gain employment, go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps. Many come from detox centers, treatment programs, jails, psych hospitals, some from the streets, others referred by family and friends.
In 2008 I got a phone call from a lady that lives in NY. She has a rental property here that needed some painting, pressure washed, front porch rebuilt, etc. Hugh house, on a main street, blocks from a Mall, on the bus line, centrally located between downtown and the beach. After doing all this work, I watched a For Rent sign stand in the yard for about 2 months. I finally got up the courage to call her and ask if she might be interested in leasing it to me for a group home. We worked it out and it became Miracles In Progress Recovery House #3.
In 1989, while riding in my sponsors BMW 740iL, which I was very impressed with, we were on the boardwalk of Galvaston Bay, and I was absolutely amazed by all the big homes along the boardwalk. He said to me, "John, if you stay sober, one day you can own a BMW, and if you stay sober, you can live on the boardwalk." I laughed at him, it had to be a joke. I had just crawled out from under a bridge in Houston, Tx. This kind of stuff doesn't happen for people like me.
Miracles In Progress saved my life. It made meetings possible when they were impossible. It gave me a place to go when I was tore up from the floor up, needing a check up from the neck up, after my mothers death. It helped me stay focused and centered as I went through some really tough medical procedures. It gave me a place to vent when my aunts were murdered, and after my brother-in-law killed my sister. It even gave me a safe place to cry, after burying my dog. Miracles In Progress has grown from that first person who entered the chatroom years ago, to a vareity of 12 step groups, totalling over 13,000 registered members from around the world. The Miracles In Progress Recovery Homes, or more likely the men in them, has taken a man who once, not so long ago, thought his life was over, and given more meaning to his existance, than ever before dreamed of. When I am asked, what the sucess rate is for the homes, I reply, "100%". It has been completely sucessful at keeping me sober and in touch with the reality of this diease.
Today I know I'm a Miracle In Progress. I get to see the magic of recovery take place in my life and in the lives of others every day. I started Miracles In Progress thinking of how much I could help others, and in reality the person it has helped the most is me.
I smile when I pick a newcomer up from the Greyhound bus station, who is fresh out of treatment, impressed with my BMW, (I own 3 of them today) and I tell them, "If you stay sober, you can have a BMW of your own one day." I smile as I pulled on to the street I live, which is less than 2 miles from the beach, and its street name is Boardwalk Ave.
In 20 years, my sponsor(s) have never lied to me, and God has not turned his back on me. Even though I sometimes thought they both had. And as I write on this message board, I can fell the magic dust of progress, falling ever so lightly on me because of Miracles In Progress. Here is where I grew and continue to grow the most. One day at a time. It's here that I learned how to let go when I want to hang on, and how to hang on when I want to let go.
1989, I crawled out from under a bridge, literally. In 2001-2003 I was still under that bridge mentally, emotionally, and economically. Experiencing health problems, losing family, loss of drivers license, feeling hopeless, without a worthy cause to live for or die for.
I showed up for life. God put it in front of me, and I showed up for it. Today, is a great day because I'm living, not just sucking air.
When it comes to recovery, it is useless to wonder where it will take you, just get in it and enjoy the ride.
-- Edited by John on Monday 8th of June 2009 08:21:13 AM
Aloha John...to read the story of part of your journey is so profound as I run it thru the filter of the Serenity Prayer as taught me by my own sponsor. Certainly you could not do your own surgerys and had to surrender that to other and remain hopeful and secure with what you had in hand. You could not know every thing yet didnot abandon your intuition or the ability and opportunity to reachout to others for their ESH (God ESH and how to operate a powerwasher...I love it!) What resulted from your willingness to have Faith and Trust, only one thing that has resulted from it has been our relationship; friends of Bill and Lois both who freely gave to us what we have learned to be generous with in return.
There are lessons to be learned still and I know that in my own recovery you have been one of those instruments that my Higher Power has used that I might be useful myself. This only requires gratitude and today outside of and in spite of anything else I have available to me the most I have is gratitude and a profound willingness to give it away.
Thanks again for your experiences. Duplicaton of that which has worked for others comes with some sort of warranty or guarantee that I can have it also. For all of us who have been attracted to the consequences of your willingness to be an instrument of God's will I'll offer that we have been blessed also.
That was amazing and inspiring. Thank you so much for all your work to the recovery community, but a personal thanks for this site. You are definitely a living example of a miracle in progress. I go to a lot of meetings, but this site adds something unique to my sobriety that really helps. I skipped the halfway house experience, sober living...sober roommates (neither good nor bad necessarily) and am living on my own for the first time at age 36. For me, MIP allows me to feel connected to people, to AA, to be of some service, and to get help and not feel so scared and alone. It truly helps me stay sober a day at a time. Thank you so much.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
That is so good to hear and to see on the clip. When we truly let go and let God, the miracles can happen. Why is it we try so hard to hold onto those behaviors that keep holding us down? Because, you know when we stop , it begins... Miracles unfold like a beautiful dream, and sometimes it is hard to see but it is happening. All of the time.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful dream come true!
Very powerful. Miracles is an amazing blessing. I am also very grateful for its existence. I loved hearing about how it happened and your profound story.
