I posted on here several months ago about my 19 year old niece who had experienced a bad trip with the drug Ecstasy and ended up in a mental ward while she was away at college.  My mom and I sent for her to come home then and she took a medical leave from college.  She told us that she was an alcoholic, and she immediately started going to meetings with me.  I introduced her to a lot of A.A. members -- including people closer to her age -- and I know that she received big warm welcomes, support and encouragement from a lot of people in A.A.. 

I don't know exactly when "it" happened, but somewhere after she took her 90 day chip, I noticed that her attitude and behavior had changed, even when she was in the A.A. meetings.  I suspected that she was drinking or using, but she didn't tell me anything.  Then, a week ago my mom was out of town visiting my aunt who was dying (she passed last Wednesday).  My niece has been staying with my mom, so I called my niece a couple of times and left her messages telling her to call me to check in.  Well, she didn't return my calls or any one of my family members' calls, so my Mom asked me to go check at her house.  When I got there, my niece wasn't there, but I walked into her bedroom (my old bedroom) and sitting out on top of the desk was a pipe and what I thought was marijuana (turns out it was a so-called legal hallucinogenic drug that I understand a lot of young people are using nowadays).  My niece finally showed up and admitted she had been smoking it, and that it is mind-altering.  She then told me that she is not an alcoholic or drug addict and didn't need A.A. or N.A. or any help.  I told her that there was nothing I could do or say to convince her; I've shared openly my experience, strength and hope with her, and that she would have to find out for herself. 

Long story short, my niece "ran away" again during this past week, and returned yesterday.  Apparently, my mother told her this morning that she could not stay with her anymore and needed to go into rehab or find a job and a place to live.  After much drama, my niece then called me this morning saying she wanted to go to rehab.  I asked her why she wanted to go since she had told me just last weekend that she wasn't an alcoholic or drug addict.  After some manipulative stuff,  she eventually told me that she wasn't an alcoholic or addict (even though she also told me she was drinking just two days ago) and that she wanted to go to rehab so that I would pay for her to go back to college (I paid for her freshman year). 

It has taken a lot of prayer and work with my own sponsor  (as well as going to Al-Anon) to get to the point this morning where I could tell my niece "no."  I told her that I'm not going to search again for rehabs, I'm not paying for her college, and that she was going to have to figure it all out for herself.  (Before the mental ward situation several months ago, our whole family has been sucked into her disease and manipulation on more than one occasion). 

I know from my own experience that "it takes what it takes."  I know from sponsoring many women over the past 22+ years that, rehab or no, an alcoholic or drug addict is not ready until he or she is ready.  I also know that I am powerless over the disease of alcoholism, but that I do have the power and the choice to not participate in enabling any longer.  I pray that she will one day soon "hit bottom", and I do know that if and when she does, she knows that there is help.

Thanks for reading; I guess I needed to write this.  Now, I'm off to my home group meeting shortly, because if I don't stay sober, I will be in no position to help my niece if and when she's ever ready.  Thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous!

Love,
BGG