It is called alcoholics ANONYMOUS for a reason.  You probably don't realize that some of your husband's colleagues are in the program...and there are even more that probably NEED to be in the program.  I respect the idea of going in another town, but Bertha, there is truly nothing to be ashamed of.  If you had cancer, you wouldn't feel the need to go to another town for chemo.  It's a disease and it's not like you asked for it.  I don't blame your husband for his thoughts because for him, that's the way alcohol works.  When he wants to stop, he CAN, so he doesn't understand.  The point is, we do understand.  If he wants you to stop as much as you want to do it, he will understand you going wherever you need to go.  You don't want to wind up in worse place when you are at the point now where you can do it with just the support of AA.  This disease can kill you and I only suggest hitting meetings close to you so that you will have a place you can get to FAST when you feel the urge to drink and also so that you find sober alcoholics who live closer to you.  I have run into people who have connections to my work...an auditor for the detention center I work at, I freaked out but then I realized WTF was he going to say? He was there too right? 

As far as being an angry person.  That isn't you, it's withdrawal and the disease.  It's amazing you aren't going completely bonkers with 9 days on your own.  Academically, I know that anger and depression are the chief emotions that feul addiction.  Some of it is real stuff that you are angry about that you stuffed for years under a blanket of alcoholism.  Some of it is stuff that is caused by your bodily addiction to alcohol and detoxing/withdrawal.  If you are like me, some of it was knowing I needed to change, but my partner just could not help me and he couldn't take the disease away no matter how much I cared about him...that made me angry and resentful of him...also that he had a stronger ability to stop (though at the end we had both become raging alcoholics).  I remember screaming at him in a parking lot that he "ruined my life!" when in fact, I ruined my own life through drinking.  I knew it and I didn't want to acknowledge it.  I remember clutching pills and telling him I was going to kill myself because I wanted HIM to fix me and support me more than he was capable of.  Alcohol truly becomes your best friend and, the longer you rely on it, it becomes your only coping mechanism for dealing with life.  It sucks that it is really an enemy that is stopping you from having other friends, limiting your spiritual connection and making it difficult for you to love freely.  When you take it away, what do you feel...ANGRY.  When you drink now that you really know you have a problem, you feel angry too.  It's normal.  Try not to beat yourself up.  Most people talk quite a bit about anger and resentments in meetings and it is in the literature too.  You can take that as another sign of evidence that it isn't just you.  If you feel like going to a meeting out of town is best, then do it.  It's just important to go for now.  Either way, you aren't alone.  Praying for your ongoing recovery and congrats on 9 and now hopefully 10 days sober!  That is an achievement on its own.



-- Edited by pinkchip on Sunday 17th of May 2009 08:51:13 PM

Such is the nature of the beast. (Anger>alcohol>anger). There are more than likely some
'hidden' issues of the past that you have not faced yet. The alcohol only masks them and exaserbates(sp?) the anger. You may want to ask yourself 'what in my PAST has made me unhappy/hurt me/upset me, ect.?

berthaboatwright wrote:

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I keep thinking about your program i would have to go out of town to get this due to my husbands position in this community.

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That's a lot of baloney .  If Betty Ford can do it, so can you.  We have representitives from every position, class, walk of life in AA.  There is no shame in that. The shame lies in the lives wasted in not treating a disease that kills people and certainly destroys lives and families.   You are not your husband, and what you need to do will have no bearing on his stature or position.   It's an honorable thing to own up to one's  behavior and set on a path to right it.  Chances are, if you're an alcoholic, the others know already.  "The alcoholic is usually the last to know"  lol.    And like another  mentioned, this is an anonymous program.  Another thing to contemplate is what happens if:   your disease progresses (and it will) to the point where it's intollerable to your husband?  Or your healthcare position?  Or to the point the rest of your friends and family want nothing to do with you?  And your place to live?   This is why many AAs have to lose these people, places, and things, before they are ready to get real about treating their disease like their life depends on it.

Call AA and ask to be taken to a meeting.  You can discuss your concerns about anonymity with them and go to some older established smaller meetings.  Your's is a common objection,  small towns, positions, islands....   The bottom line is that if you needed kidney dialisys several days a week to stay alive, you wouldn't have these kinds of reservations about possible perceptions by others of your weakness of character, you'd just show up to save your life.   That's the atitude neccesary for getting sober, to have the willingness to do whater it takes.  When you get to the point where you feel that you have to do something about your disease, pray for willingness to do whatever you have to do.  Willingness and desparation are gifts that we receive that help us get over denial. 

 

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 18th of May 2009 08:38:44 AM

berthaboatwright wrote:

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I have to ask a question for anyone out there in this program does it consume all of your life and time?

Hi Bertha,

I takes quite a bit of time and effort in the begining, I won't lie to you.  It really has to be your #1 priority.  Over time, and everyone is a little different, it doesn't take much time or as much time as you want to put into it.  But like everything else,  you get back what you put into it.  The unexpected part, and the beauty of the program IS the "Fellowship" meaning the wonderful people that you become friends with in the  rooms.  All most all of my close friends are ones that I met in meetings.  I still have some of my old friend, although I had to distance myself from that ones that I drank with for a year or two, while I got a handle on not drinking no matter what.   So give it your best for 6 months and try a follow as many of the suggestions that you hear others doing to stay sober to increase your chances for success.   It's a hard fact that only about 1 in 20 stay sober, because they are not willing to work at it and give themselves to this simple program.  Good luck in your new adventure. 

 

Dean