Have heard that several times, and years later, finally understood the meaning. When we remove Alcohol from our lives with God's Help, it can be for some, it sure was for me, just a symptom of many other problems that were anethnised with Alcohol.
It seemed like the first maybe 6 or 7 years was uncovering and dealing with these issues, one by one, and it was do the work, then when you are finished, do more more work, for a long long time it felt like it would never stop. I was in Therapy for 7 1/2 years, and it was bringing in all my issues, my family of origin issues, and of course how i dealt with them, drenching myself in alcohol, that never worked, it only made them never go away, and just get bigger, or maybe the correct word would be more Toxic, each year that I did not deal directly with the stuff.
Still work hard of Recovery, understanding that it is only a Daily Reprieve that we have every day.
Just wanted to know how others view what happened when they stopped drinking, and how you go about getting into and working on your own "Iceberg".
Thanks all for reading, and hope everyone is having a Great Sober Day, Today.
Toni
-- Edited by toni baloney on Friday 15th of May 2009 05:02:57 PM
For me when I was a newcomer, the thought of starting to chip away at the iceberg terrified me. I did not know if I could handle what I would start to see.
But on the contrary, starting to understand why I drank the way I did, and knowing that I was only trying to protect myself from the outside world by drinking it away, was a comfort. It made sense, and put to light that I was not a bad person or perpetually flawed with no hope, that there were legitimate (or so I believed at the time) reasons why I did the things I did to myself and to others. It made it so much easier to start forgiving myself and move on. Seeing that my logic at the time was what was flawed, and beginning to understand what events in my life made that so, was a freeing experience. This whole alcoholism thing began to make sense.
They say that nothing grows in the dark. If I keep all my problems in a suitcase, I will keep carrying them around with me. If I take them out one by one and deal with them, I can discard them, and more importantly recognize them if I see them coming at me again. I can't avoid a potential problem if I don't even know what it looks like!
Thank God there are wonderful sponsors, counselors, clergy, friends in AA and sometimes family, along with the 12 Steps, to make tackling the iceberg a much less daunting process.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
I'm new to this forum, and decided to join based on the strength of this topic.
When I was in treatment and in my first few meetings, I heard the same message: As long as I don't drink, everything will be okay.
In my experience, nothing could be further from the truth.
When I stopped drinking, I went bananas. In some ways I was sicker than I was while drinking. I couldn't control my emotions, I was depressed often, I couldn't sit still, and the longer I stayed in that state a drink became more and more appealing.
Thank God that there were people who told me there was a program that would address those issues, and this program was a whole lot more than attendance at meetings!
By writing an inventory, making amends, and working with others, I was able to see a lot of the defects that needed work, I was able to be free of a lot of the guilt and shame I felt, and I also have been able to think of other people besides myself (sometimes.)
But it hasn't stopped there; I am seeing new character defects pop up all the time. I had no idea how sick I was (and am) when I first got to AA. When I make progress on one defect, I am faced with another. I was able to get somewhat of a handle on gluttony, or pleasure eating, or whatever you want to call it. I lost a bunch of weight and now I realize what a narcissist I am, because I find myself looking in the mirror at the new, skinnier Dave. The work never stops, but the victories I have had over some defects have made this journey worthwhile.
I should also mention that I never had any success asking God for help and then having my problems vanish magically. I had to do my part as well. I went through a phase in which I was very jealous and resentful towards a guy I know because of the money he has, the girls he gets, etc. I asked God for help with it and he put me in situations where I had to grow. Finally I stopped holding on to the anger and envy and told the guy I was happy for him, and started to love him like a fellow human being should. It takes cooperation, and in many cases, patient improvement.
The best part of overcoming some of these struggles is now I'm ready to share my experience with someone who may go through the same thing. That's the magic of it all!
Welcome Dave! Awesome post and I identied with pretty much all of it (except the being jealous over someone getting a lot of girls part lol). Thank you also Joni and Toni for the topic. As most of you know, I'm still fairly new in this at 228 days today, but when I stopped drinking, Major Depression hit like Dave said because I got socked in the face with my character defects and I didn't like having that awareness. I couldn't stand being by myself and the thoughts running in my head were nonstop and mostly negative all the time. It was like having the radio turned superloud onto the "Mark sucks" channel and I could not turn it off. Since I really did do a pretty honest step 1 as I entered AA, drinking was not an option to turn down that awful "committee" in my head as we call it. Self-pity lessened after a few months and now I am really working on some of the serious problems. The big iceburg is basically my perpetual refusal to grow up. Like you Toni, I had to start my own therapy which was sort of an ego bust because my thought has always been "What is a therapist going to tell me that I don't already know? I am a therapist." That was backasswards thinking for sure. Anyhow, I am making progress that I have already shared in other threads here. The iceburg is getting chipped away little by little. Still require many more tissues for my issues but it's progress not perfection right?
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I could relate to so much of what you said, and how I felt when not drinking, so many glaring things came up and to the surface, and just like you, working the Steps, hard, and to the best of my ability, did give me comfort in removing a lot of that Toxic stuff, in the 4th and 5 th Steps.
But I had SO Many issues that were not connected to drinking, I drank to run away from them, such as PDSD, from Family of Origin issues, 18 years of what a Therapist called Childhood Amnesia, and when I was told by a good qualified therapist that I needed to see a Hynosis Specialist, I tell you, it was so upsetting to me, more work???? But I thought that over after a conversation with him, when I announced that I was not going to be doing that recommended therapy, His words, "well that's fine, But please keep in mind that everything you do, everyday, is coming from your subconsious, not your consious mind" . OK, he scared me, and good, my thinking was I really dont have a real choice in this, if I want to remain Sober, and the Fear of Relapsing was the main reason that I pursued, interviewed about 4 Docs, and decided on a Woman, that would become my Therapist, she did specialize in Hypnotherapy, and the work with her, that took 7 1/2 years was extremely hard, but I had become accustomed to doing hard work, and just like you resented your friend for having women, I had a resentment too, I had a hidden resentment of the People in the Program (now I see that they were simply not as sick as I was) ,they were reaping the benefits of doing th work, in the 12 Steps, and appeared to be so happy and free, and there I was going to Therapy 3 times a week, meetings 5 days a week, my life was so full of doing this hard work, but also inside had the Faith that they was light at the end of this long tunnel, and also knew I had to rid myself of this Resentment, because the Program taught me that Resentments can KILL us, so I softened my attitude, and accepted that my journey was simply a different one.
Have you ever heard that saying, "There are only about 12 stories in the whole program", meaning that for every 12 people, someone shares yours. That was a tremedous comfort to me.
And probably just like you, now that Therapy that was so difficult, I look back on doing this work on outside issues as simply a Wonderful Gift from GOD. And to this day 18 years later, that Therapist is a very close contact, a Spiritual Guide, she has a Phd. from Domican in Spirituality, (does that in itself sound like a gift?, oh yeah!)
One of my all time favorite books is "The Road less Traveled" by Scott Peck, (feel sad that he passed away, reading his books was like reading a modern Carl Yung, well to me anyway). But the first line in that book," Life is Difficult", and I agree with you, it continues to be constant work, so looks like we are both, right on Schedule. right???
Anyway just wanted to say hello to you, and sure hope to see you here again.
You got your response in first, but wanted to say hi, and could understand you thinking, well I have the answers, why do I have to go. Many years ago, I had a therapist, (one of those in and out therapists) but she lost her baby at full term, and when I would go see her, she was so different, and one day she admitted to me, ok, I am seeing someone, a Therapist, but for the longest time she could not let herself go, dealing with that kind of Grief, all alone, but just like you, she was so confused, after all she had been a great therapist, and Must have the answers. That did not happen and when she was in her own Therapy, she started to look different, and life began again for her, getting pregnant again, and smiling, like the person I remembered.
Have a different take on the Iceburg, I see it as GOD's light shining in on little parts slowly and then one day you can look into to water, and see the entire Iceburg Illuminated.
So good to see you, and I did respond a little late to your Roller Coaster post, I love how you communcate, with so much compassion.
"Have a different take on the Iceburg, I see it as GOD's light shining in on little parts slowly and then one day you can look into to water, and see the entire Iceburg Illuminated. "
that is a cool visual way to put it!!
Did you see that movie, think it was called...Everything is Illuminated?
The BB clearly says, alcohol is only a symptom. I'm soooo glad I know this today, otherwise, I'd be drunk again (or still) if not locked up or covered up.
Cool post. Thanks
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Don't know why, but I was thinking back then, not seriously, but sarcasticly, when the Alcohol goes, and we are facing, well you all know that one, I use to say to myself, in jest, NOW, I REALLY NEED A DRINK!!!! It always brought some humor into what was not very humorous, to say the least. Coming too aint easy, just possible with God's Grace, and the12 Steps to this Program. Once I saw a famous actor accepting an award, and he held up his Trophy, and said to the audience, "The 12 Steps, The Way Out"!. Loved how he put it.
Hope you all have a great Sunday! Baloney
-- Edited by toni baloney on Sunday 17th of May 2009 10:25:56 AM
