I just read your post below. It sounds to me this may be your bottom, and you said you will not drink today. That is where we all started, just don't pick up that drink today.
I really want to encourage you again to find a face to face meeting and go. If you call the AA number in the phone directory or the the 800# for AA they can give you the info you need. There might be a newcomers meeting you could attend.
Maybe it would be a good thing for your husband to go to Al-anon but right now your concern is about your drinking. This is a matter of life and death, alcoholism is a terrible disease,it is just like cancer, it can lead to death if not arrested. If you have read the other posts on this board you know there are those who have lost their children, but today they are sober. Why, because they want to live life on lifes terms without the alcohol controlling them. It's not easy, and I am proud of those who have made the choice to live life sober.We are miracles, and we have become that one day at a time.
Please keep posting, everyone on this board knows how you feel and we will be here for you. We care, and we are here to share our experience, strength and hope.
We all had to take Step 1-We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -that our lives had become unmanageable.
You guys are amazing. I feel so comforted knowing that you say these things from real personal experience and that you guys know how I am feeling today. Last night my hubby said 'so how many drinks have you had?'(half joking half serious), I snapped back at him because I am feeling defensive about it. Afterwards I thought about my reaction and apologised. I have to remember that I have not earned his trust or respect up till now.
I have to put into action the choices I have made to stay sober and not drink. Fortunately my sister is also a recovered alcoholic so I can talk to her by email to get support. My husband goes away for a few days tonight and I am trying to not think about that 'lonely' drink I usually have around 6pm. I will not drink because I have made that choice to better my life.
I am remembering to live life for this minute. That is really how I feel I can overcome the anxiety. I dont want a drink now but I am worrying about when I will want a drink and how I will feel , if I say no no no am I going to feel deprived and if I do how can I beat those thoughts out of my mind? You know how it is, even if I know I am doing the right thing, my body will want me to do soemthing else. I have thought about getting a nice meal together - I love to cook or I am going to watch a good movie or I am going to have a great early bedtime- very unusual for me. Wish me luck
Hi Suzy, I will be thinking of you as you spent the next evenings with out your husband. I think all the ideas you have for how to spent your time are great. How about calling a friend or your sister, inviting a friend over who doesn't drink? Post here, someone will be checking in and can share their experience, strength and hope with you.
I spent alot of my free time working on my yard, I have a spring garden I planted a few years ago. Tulips, iris, daffodils,perwinkle, crocus, etc., so as soon as the weather starts to warm up I get out when I can and work in the yard.My peonies and lilac bushs are blooming and the yard smells heavenly, it just takes my mind off of drinking and helps me relax. Also pulling weeds is very theraputic for me, and I have lots of those, I can just take out all my frustrations on them. I also get to work in my Mom's yard ,don't have time to think about alcohol.
Tonight we have a dinner before the AA meeting, it is birthday(anniversary ) night, that's when people who have been sober anywhere from one month to x amount of years recieve a token for their sobriety, it is always a very special time.I look forward to those meetings, the al-anons come too, as it is an open meeting. We have a blast, just as much fun as the drunken parties I use to go to, really more fun as I remember everything that was said or done.
You are in my prayers, as are all the people here who are new to sobriety. One day at a time ,one minute ,I know you can do it. I have faith that it is possible.
jsut read your note and want to thank you. It is hard to share this time with anyone who is not very close and I have no one near like that. So it is better to talk to someone who knows, like yourself. I love the sound of your garden. I wish I could have a garden but where I am there is not much chance of that. I am going to start my quilting hobby again real soon. I jsut need to find some good cottons and then I will be on my way. I am also interested in sewing my own clothing. I have great ideas but I can never find them in stores or they are so expensive. I am going to try my hand it that.
It is 10:30 at night here and I have opened the liquor cabinet once which I knew I shouldn't have, smelled the booze but jsut reminded myself of all the negatives that lie in that bottle and how my self respect is so much more important than what I can get from a drink. I already feel so good about myself for jsut saying no, becasue I want to. Not because of any threats from anyone but jsut because I decided it for myself. I am in control and I feel great. Thanks for the support and caring. you are very special to me.( can't believe I can say that to a semi stranger but this means so much and I have not shared my excitement about it with anyone else)
I unfortunately still feel that f2f meetings will not work for me cos I cannot leave my kids and hubby at night but I will try waking at 6am for the online meetings. Now that I am not drunk the night before I think I can do it. I better get to bed.
