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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> The Sober Roller Coaster Ride
Post Info TOPIC: The Sober Roller Coaster Ride
pinkchip


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The Sober Roller Coaster Ride
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I have been on a mission to understand these first 3 steps.  I came into AA thinking I could understand them and work through them immediately.  I did not know that it was a process that would take 7 and a half months to get to just this point.  At around 60 days I started to think of steps 1 through 3 as a roller coaster metaphor.  As I was sharing that in another thread here, the whole idea expanded and I sat down and wrote out the metaphor more fully based on my experience and the process I have been through.  Here it is:

I came into AA dizzy, confused, sick, scared.  I had been on a never-ending roller coaster and I had been riding it all wrong.  I was trying to numb myself.  I had been repeatedly trying to forget and even acknowledge I was on the ride.  It almost killed me.

Step 1: I walked into AA and I found a chair on the roller coaster.  There were a bunch of other riders on the train.  Many of them seemed happy and like they were actually enjoying this messed up ride.  I made a decision at this point that I was going to try and ride this roller coaster better because what I was doing before was dangerous and not working.  I admitted as honestly as I could that I was powerless over the ride and I couldn't manage it on my own.  I'd made a wreck of things.  Even though I was still pretty messed up, I figured "At least I'm sober today."  I couldn't even get in the seat drunk.  I couldn't even see the other riders, in fact.

Step 2:  Okay, I'm still sitting in my seat on this roller coaster ride.  I start screaming to the other riders how scared I am.  I scream "I don't think I can do it!"  They tell me "Hold on to your seat, the ride gets better."  I think they must be crazy but I realize they do seem less scared than me and they also tell me "We are here on this ride with you.  It will be okay."  I feel a little better and decide to trust them.  I find comfort from the other riders.  Gradually, I realize God is sitting in the seat next to me.  I thought that seat was empty.  I realize that he created this roller coaster ride.  Only he knows the twists and turns that lie ahead.  He was right next to me the whole time and I was too drunk to notice.  I start to reach out to God.  I take his hand, but keep holding on to my seat with with the other riders.  I begin to pray to God, "Help me get through this crazy ride!"  I cry and tell him I'm scared and "I wan't off!"  He tells me, "I'm sitting next to you.  It will be okay."  I am still a little scared, but this ride doesn't seem so awful now with God next to me and the other riders to take comfort from.  I can turn to them and him at any time.  I feel more hopeful about the future.

Step 3: I keep riding.  There are so many ups and downs, twists and turns.  I keep thinking I know what's up ahead, but the ride jerks another way that I did not anticipate.  For quite some time I think "I'm not sure I can handle this!"  I look to God and realize fully that I'm never going to know what twists and turns are coming.  I can only keep riding and doing my best to not be afraid.  I give up trying to predict and control this crazy ride.  Every time some scary twist or turn comes, I turn to God and the other riders and they help me get through it.  I start to enjoy parts of the ride even though it's still scary and there are parts of it that I still really don't like.  I stay in my seat.  I share what I am going through with God and the other riders each time.  I start to feel so grateful that they are there to listen to me.  It is still a roller coaster ride that I can't control or predict, but it's going to be okay.  I have some faith now and I trust in this process of what I've been doing.

I look down.  I am still sitting firmly planted in that seat that was there for me when I stepped into that room so confused.  Thank God for that chair and those riders all around me.  I feel glad.

**I just figured how my sponsor fits into this.  He was the loudest bitch on the train and he seemed like the happiest to me so I trusted him lol.  Also, he was sitting in that seat next to me until I realized God was there.  Now he still rides closer to me than the other riders, but only God is right next to me.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 9th of May 2009 09:58:57 AM

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Dave Harm


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Very nice write.  My first sobriety I did the first three steps in about 15 minutes.  With hindsight, it's easy to see why I slipped.

My second sobriety I realized that the first three steps were the foundation for my own personal temple.  And I needed it to be strong to withstand the challeneges that would come upon me.  And it also needed to be strong enough for what lied ahead - step four.

daveharm.com

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Doll


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Pretty cool analogy.


I felt that way also for a while. The longer I stay sober the highs are not so high and the lows not so low - things have started to 'even out' - which is part of that spiritual awakening the BB speaks of.
((hugs)))

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kkotz401


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I too agree with this analogy. Life has lots of ups and downs. Alcohol is a depressent and can only bring you down. It get's frustrating but the ride always comes back up again.

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Sobrietyspell


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I love your Rollercoaster Ride Analogy, Mark! *Scream if you wanna go faster!* lol Only kidding ;) It is Good to be Alive & it is Good to be Sober :) Danielle x

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alohagal74


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Wow that was awesome.. I needed to read that today. Thank you so much for sharing that.

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toni baloney


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Hi Mark,
(or would prefer to be called Pinkchip, just wondering?)

I just wanted to pop into this Post and say that we have never written each other, so feel sort of like a stranger.

But I did want to say that this Post, that I read last week, many times, was really a great way of describing how we first my interpret the 1st Three Steps. Especially the analogy of feeling God sitting right next to you. Could relate to all and everything you said.

Also wanted to say I really enjoy your wonderful and compassionate responses to others that coming in and feeling all that confusion, and the "What the heck are they talking about, anyway??? (Well that was my take to sitting there, and not knowing if the cloud of the "coming too" phase was going to leave, how long it was going to take, and as far as the 12 Steps on the Walls in every room, my thinking was,
"Well they sure look like something written in Greek, so I could assume that I had time on my hands to understand them". But it was the relaxed, friendly and warm smiles of people, as you said that had been riding for a lot longer than me, that kept me coming back, well I was there cause i did not want to die of Alcoholism, but those others that had been on that ride, they made it possible for me to see, that in time the Steps would not appear as Greek, and I would also be able to understand and do the work. I was a very slow learner, but in time, a long time, Walla! I could read and understand them, and wanted so much to have what others had, I would do whatever it took to sit there, and listen.

Ok, thats enough out of me, just wanted to say this Post was great, and how much I enjoyed reading it, think I have gone back and read it about 8 times in the last week.

Glad you are here with us.

A Big Hug, Toni

-- Edited by toni baloney on Friday 15th of May 2009 03:52:35 PM

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