Mark,
Yes, sometimes the most painful of all events in our lives are the ones that mature us and make us a little bit stronger to fight the next challenges. Congrats. on all your acheivements......above all sobriety.
Wanda

Hey Mark,

looks like you're reaping the benefits of sobriety rather quickly. For me, it was pretty gloomy for the first 3 months. A lot of the stuff that you're talking about didn't register with me till towards the end of my first year, that's how messed up I was. With that said, I didn't have any problem with staying employed or paying my bills. I did get fired several times in the the first year (more than in 10 years of drinking) because I felt like "now that I'm sober I can say what's on my mind since I'm not missing days of work....".

Hi Mark,

You sound great, that first year is a rough one. (And just a little note on the word "normal", I keep that word out of my own vocabulary), haha, cause I have never to this day, figured out what that word means. Everyone is so very different, like our own figerprints, no two the same.

You sound wonderful, really considering what you have been going through with family problems, and keeping it all manageable, as much as you can.

My own first year, I confess was a complete BLURR to me, I had been in the Basement so to speak with the Disease of Alcoholism, for so many, many years, for some of us, well speaking for myself anyway, it took a long time to get to the 1st Floor. And from what it sounds like, you are on the 1st Floor.

Mark, also from my own story, the desire for a drink, was there just here and there a few times in the first 2 years maybe, but all I had to do was think about that Gutter that I crawled out of, and the desire would leave. Then the thought of a drink to solve a problem, or celebrate an occasion, was and is gone, never have I thought about picking up a drink, now for over 17 years. I will have 19 years, with Gods help and believe me Mark, I never believed inside that i could make it like my fellow sisters and brothers in this Program, as I watched them get to their 1st year, and 2nd, and 3rd, Once, I recall listening to a woman speak at her 4 year Birthday, and I thought she was the Most amazing Miracle, and then it happens Mark, when we simple follow the instructions in this Program, working the Steps, and before you know it you will see the months, then the years go by. That is how it happens.

So thank you so much for sharing this, and happy you and your family are on the mend. Sorry for the loss you went through, but you did it SOBER, yeah!!!

It will just keep getting better, and better, and well i could write better 1000 times, but you get the picture, haha.

A big Hug to YOU,
Toni

In my opinion, one of the cornerstones to long term sobriety is humility.  And from your letter you have found it...

Congrats and best wishes,
Dave

Aloha Mark!!

Glad to be celebrating 60 days with you.  I can't remember 60 days without a
drink because my HP had me in Al-Anon recovering from that side of the disease.
I got into AA after 9years without a drink and after a first assessment on my past
drinking behavior.   Today of course I double up.  I work both programs and
with the experience am assured of the greater possiblity of staying alcohol free
for another day.  I got my first chip at 16 years and on that day wanted to leave
the program and go back out.  At 20 years I started having drinking dreams.
After that the disease started to rage from the inside out as if another personality
inside of me demanded I have the next one.  For the past 15 years I have hung
around relapsers; those who have gone back out after a period of being alcohol
free.  I do it on purpose because I want to know how and what they were thinking
and how and what they were feeling and what they were doing before they went
back  out so that I am aware if and when it might start up with me.  I believe from
experience and education that our disease is a lifetime disease and that the
reprieve I have from testing the fatal conditon of alcoholism is first God and then
my own experiences along side the experiences of others.   I know that if I ever
test the "one drink" theory the chances are my now (third) wife will be a widow
because I will not survive the next "toxic shock" or overdose like the three I've
experienced before.  I was told and fully believe that I will never go back to my
first drink but to my last drunk.  There is nothing in me, mind, body, spirit and
emotions that today could withstand that much alcohol in that short of time.  I
don't have margin for another attempt or the will to take the test.

I learned from a psycological profile for alcoholics that one of the determinant
factors, among others, is that alcoholics are risk takers.  That is only one part
of my portrait.  A present part is that I cannot afford the risk because of the
consequences of the risk taking before this.  In gratitude I live on borrowed
time given to me by my HP along with at the same time and with the larger
condition that I traditionally enter the rooms of recovery, listen, learn and then
practice in faith, trust, gratitude and a desire to serve others. 

There are other risks that I take.  By the grace of God and the fellowship of
AA and the Al-Anon Family Groups drinking and or enabling the disease of
alcoholism is no longer one of them.  Humbly, by the examples of those who
have gone before me, I know that 30+ years is not a guarantee of sobriety
and that sobriety is not "just not" drinking.  Others have died that I might
have a chance to live including a goodly number of family members.  I will not
let their efforts go in vain.  I am profoundly grateful.

I no longer need to prove or be tested.  I will not risk this last of chances for
any reason what-so-ever.  This may be my last day.  I will spend it alcohol
free.  Tonight my present wife reminded me that today is the 20th year of
our journey together.  As calmly as I might think I entertain that information
there is no way I can stiffel the other voice that says, "There because of the
grace of God..."

I wish to celebrate the condition of your sober life today and that your marriage
is still bound.   I wish to celebrate it in the future also.   May we both arrive at
that time one day at a time.

In Support.

(((((hugs)))))