Stuck on step 1

MDC · Senior Member

Stuck on step 1

Sacrifice · Veteran Member

If you can stop after one than I'm happy for you. For me I know if I pick up again I will be off and running. I can't just have one, if you cant either than you probably are an alcoholic. It took numerous times and different ways to try and figure out if I was one, than it all came crashing down on me very quickly, however; 4 detox's later and A.A. I have 15 months and happier than I have every been. I wish you the best. -Carla

Dave Harm · Senior Member

Social drinkers do not have to think about only having one drink. They don't have to force themselves to quit. They drink to have a good time not to get drunk.

Years ago I heard a great definition for what is an alcoholic. By using the above illustration of drinking to relax and have a good time, a social drinker does not cuase any pain to the people he is around. Think about that for a moment.

If your drinking ever - EVER - caused someone to shed a tear - then you have a problem.

When I heard that I knew that through my years of insanity I had filled many five gallon buckets with human tears.

And from my own personal experience, I tried one and I managed it for a couple of months. Then all H--- broke loose - there is an unwritten promise about alcoholism.

If you think it was bad the first time... it's ten times worse the second... so is that one drink worth the chance for new pain and new regrets?

MDC · Senior Member

I'm just struggling admitting that I'm an alcoholic, I guess. My drinking has caused my kids to shed tears, my wife and I could probally fill a few buckets myself. But to admit that somethig else has that much of a hold on my life, is so hard to do. Like I said, almost 2 months sober and it has been so much easier that so many of the stories I've heard at the meetings and in here.

Easier not to drink, much harder dealing with the damaged relationships than I thought it would be. I guess I thought if I can go without even the desire to drink, I must be OK. I know it sounds stupid, and the first week ws hard, but since then I don't feel like I need it.

I'm just struggling to admit to myself that I am an alcoholic.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

MDC wrote:

I'm just struggling admitting that I'm an alcoholic, ...
Easier not to drink, much harder dealing with the damaged relationships than I thought it would be. I guess I thought if I can go without even the desire to drink, I must be OK. I know it sounds stupid, and the first week ws hard, but since then I don't feel like I need it.

I'm just struggling to admit to myself that I am an alcoholic.

MDC, non alcoholics don't ever think like this. thoughts of drinking vs. not drinking and why would they have a hard week just trying to stop? Imagine ordering a beer with lunch and only drinking half of it, and not even thinking about finishing it. In early sobriety I would sit across the room from someone at a cafe doing that and say "look at that, he wasting beer"

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

MDC wrote:

It's obvious to me (and my friends and family) that I have a problem with alcohol.

BB. but not to you? Wishful thinking, denial?

What is the difference between having a problem with alcohol, and being an alcoholic?

BB. In my experience, not much. I was an irresponsible drinker from drink 1. I then became a heavy drinker, then a binger, then a problem drinker (though i thought the problems were everyone elses) and finally, after several months of sobriety and AA atandance, I felt that I am an alcoholic.

I've been sober for almost 2 months now, but I'm still not sure if I'm an "alcoholic." I don't have an uncontrollable desire to drink...When I do drink, I tend to drink to excess.

BB. Well there's a big clue

I spent the majority of the last 25 years drinking almost daily, but like I said, now I have no desire to drink.

BB. Lucky you. This too will change (and change back and forth)

I know it would be playing with fire, but I've thought of getting 1 drink, just to prove I can stop at 1. If I can't that answer to my question would be obvious. I'm also scared as hell, what if I can't stop at one. I know it's best not to have the 1st drink.

BB. 'Normal' drinkers don't have these conversations with themselves.

What is the difference between having a drinking problem and being an alcoholic??
BB. It says somewhere in the big book about stepping into any bar room and trying some controlled drinking.............you could try it or you could exercise your own experience, when was the last time you could 'drink like a gentleman'? What was your last drunk like? maybe you'll choose to let others do the research for you.

Stick around, don't leave before the miracle takes hold. First it gets better, then it gets worse, then it gets real.

Doll · MIP Old Timer

I"d suggest reading Ch 3 in the BB.

"More about alcoholism"

Your answer is there.............good luck..........Jen

Dodsworth · Senior Member

What everyone else has said is right on...Not sure I can add anything of value except that the first time I got sober, I was without a drink for 67 days and feeling good. I thought that I was no longer an alcoholic, that I had learned my lesson...I got drunk and stayed drunk for about 6 months. The best predictor of future events is the past....I remember your initial posts on here and how HORRIBLE you were feeling..remember that? Is it worth a drink or a one-night drunk to go back to that and possibly lose your family? I hope you do not feel the need to go "do some research" on that...Fact is if you go back to drinking, maybe you can control it for a period of time, maybe you can control it for good, but then again maybe you will do what you've always done, and if that is the case you might not ever make it back to the place your in today...that scares me from drinking again, at least today. I'm leaving on a big trip next week, will be gone for 3 weeks and last night I've thought about "tying one on" right before I leave. Somehow I can't BS myself anymore though. I cannot say to myself "It will be different this time" because I know it won't be different. I don't know if this is your first time at sobriety, but if it is, this doubt you have is normal for ALCOHOLICS..no other type of person would be doubting their situation like you are...It took me a couple attempts at sobriety before I couldn't deny my powerlessness over alcohol. For me, Step 1 wasn't an admittance that alcohol had gotten me into a bad situation, it was admitting that when I take a drink all bets are off and I become powerless. Coming to terms with step 1 for me means knowing a drink will INEVITABLY lead back to the old life: guilt, tremors, sickness, debt, fear, sadness, worthlessness, arrests, hospitals, etc..if you are saying to yourself- "Well, alcohol and I have mixed poorly in the past but I've learned my lesson", then you should do some reading in the BB or go out and try some controlled drinking (I REALLY hope you realize how dangerous that is though). Give it one more day...

TLH · MIP Old Timer

Hey MDC- You sound a lot like me. AA is harder for some people- it's tough for me to admit I'm human and fallible and can fall prey to anything. But I for one wish I had caught myself a lot earlier.

Here is a questionaire AA has put out specifically to help people realize whether or not they might have a more serious problem than they thought:

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=71

It seems like the first time anyone does it they say that it's not exactly scientific- and it's not. It's just the bare facts, the no-brainers. I took this test many times before I ever walked into the rooms. I am a very tough sell, a born skeptic.

But I'll tell you this: I've seen at least a dozen people come into the rooms and say that they aren't really sure about all of it, and someone has sponsored them and told them just to do one thing- to stay sober and just try doing what we do, and if their life isn't at least incrementally better they win- but to just give it a chance for thirty days. Believe it or not, a lot can change in thirty days of clarity AND introspection, examining our actions and motives.

My view is, what can it hurt to try? If you're not an alcoholic than cool- it's not really all about being free from alcohol- that's just part of the program. The first half of step one is about alcohol, the rest are about us- individually, freeing ourselves up from the hobbles of past traits and actions, allowing us to be happier people.

Years ago I was pretty skeptical about the program- but after a lot of trial and error and then finally one day "getting it", I'm pretty well sold on it.

Go to some meetings. Sit in the back and just listen, if that's all you want to do- that's what I did at first. Eventually I started hearing a lot of familiar stuff, and pretty soon I started talking to some people and I heard a lot more familiar stuff, and saw a lot of people getting their stuff squared away and becoming way happier people for it.

Hang in there- Toby

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

I once was told that if I had to go thru that amount of thinking about my drinking
the chance are I had a problem with both. Mark...normal people much less
normal drinkers don't go thru that mental circus along with the abject fear of being
"wrong" about it. I never had the fear of being wrong about it and alcohol near
ended my life on several occasions. For normies 2 months without a drink is
not only a no-brainer it isn't even food for a short discussion.

If you want an unbiased source of information take the alcoholism qualifier test.
Online... Use to be twenty three questions and if you got 3 right you had a life
threatening problem from alcohol dependency or (ism). You can try it your way
(lots of others have tried that method) and then you already have the solution
regarding your way right? You stopped and asked for help with it. Is that not
why your came here? When the disease was raging in my life my ability to
make sound rational, based upon solid information decisions went away. It was
supposed to. I got into recovery and learned to trust other recovering members
thinking and solution making before my own. After a while I was returned to
sanity and took full responsibility for what I think, feel, intend and behave.

I know what will happen if I just start entertaining the "maybes" It is a gift
and a miracle for me to be able to read your posts. For me all time I now have
is borrowed.

(((((hugs))))) Keep coming back. smile

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Jerry F wrote:

I know what will happen if I just start entertaining the "maybes" It is a gift
and a miracle for me to be able to read your posts. For me all time I now have
is borrowed.

(((((hugs))))) Keep coming back.

Thanks Jerry, I feel exactly the same way. What a gift it is to hear our story again and again. Thanks for the shot of humility and gratitude - "all the time I now have is borrowed." Several meanings there that all mean the same thing, thankyou HP for saving my life, it's so short and I have to appreciate it and live life to the fullest, sober, each day.

eastcoastscott · Senior Member

I love everything said here. For me, I have to keep it simple: I can't stop at one, ever. Bad things happen when I drink. Drinking doesn't solve any of my problems. Why am I going to question any of these (in hopes that I can change them?). I don't like touching a red hot element....so I don't. Some things just are and I'm thankful that they are clear to me. Acceptance makes things easier. I don't necessarily get the luxury of liking some of the things I accept but I get closure and move on.

toni baloney · Senior Member

Hi Mark,

Just thinking of your title, Stuck on Step I, I share everyone's stong opinion that a person that does not have a drinking problem DOES NOT STUGGLE WITH THIS.

As far as the 12 Steps that are done as a way out of this Disease, it is the lst Step that has to be done to PERFECTION. That involves the acceptance of being an Alcoholic, and surrendering to that, also that lst Step is really a two part step. The following eleven Steps are done with the Best of our abilities, always in order.

So glad you are coming back here, and remember that the only requirement for membership is a "desire" to quit drinking.

Dont know if we have met, dont think so, so WELCOME!!!

Toni